A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Im an Average, if slightly odd looking person, Im female, im not "ugly" but am a little odd looking, Im slimish build,very pale and have long neck which I hate hate... and bony collarbones wich i always cover up, I wear glasses at times,( as I have VERY bad eyes) but mostly wear contacts.Im extremely self conscious of my neck..I feel as though everyone will look if they see and be disgusted..ive always had a bony neck even as a kid.I dont look older than I am, but i do look a little odd. "Quirky" looking you may say.. (I was told once long ago i was Ok looking, as ok as anyone I mean.)I cant say this enough, I cant wear lower neckline cut tops as my neck and collarbones show and I look like a freak I wear normal but cheap casual clothes and try to look Ok in public,I never go out looking dirty, I havent got much money so can only afford cheap clothes. the clothes are not my issue, I know how to dress!!! and act, its my odd looks.We cant all be attractive! and we all have body issues.. but my issue is so obvious that im a freak, some of us are average . I accept this.sometimes strangers stare at me and today at the mall some young guys laughed and then turned around to stare some more.Teen girls are the worst,esp in cars, they stare and at times whisper.. I ignore them and try to forget it.When ppl see my neck thay stare, so i hide it.how do i get used to my odd looks,esp my bony neck..? im quieter,an Ok person, not nasty or mean, I try to be nice and am mostly friendly,I have a few friends, but am average and quite boring, so i cant even hide it with a good or witty or smart *ss or funny personality..No person will ever love me or want to be my friend, with my looks, im a freak and thats that.PP say " yu seem like a nice peerson" then i never hear from them, as a friend or whatever..The staring doesnt happen that often, but.. I am aware that i dont look like most women. All I want is to be happier and not to worry as much.All I nwat to know is... what do do when strangers stare? nosy old ladies, kids, teens, young girls or guys, women in their 50s.. do I ignore them or? I dont wanna cause trouble by saying something..As I said we ALL have body issues but im sick of feeling this way.Genuine answers appreciated plse.No hate please!!Its just a question.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (12 September 2013):
 Dear OP,
The FIRST thing that I take from your post is this: “No person will ever love me or want to be my friend, with my looks, im a freak and thats that.”
And that tells me you need to get to work with a good therapist. Think of someone like Nick Vujicic. He has no arms or legs.. talk about “a freak” guess what… he’s not only married he has a baby.
Eng and Chang Bunker (the ORIGINAL co-joined twins) both had loving wives and large families.
General Tom Thumb (born Charles Sherwood Stranton 1/4/1838) stood 3 feet 4 inches tall was married.
YOU are only as alone as you want to be. You have this belief that because you are “a freak” you are destined to be alone… and that’s what keeps you alone, not your unusual body proportions.
In September 2009 I had Gastric Bypass Surgery and by Summer 2011 I had lost 100 pounds and I had horrid sagging skin… to the point that I had to have reconstructive surgery to remove it as it was a health risk. Between the two surgeries I met a man who fell in love with me saggy ugly skin and all.. and when I had the surgery to repair this skin, he cared for me 24/7 for 6 weeks. We went on to move in together and are married a year now. My body was NOT pretty trust me. He loved me saggy, he loved me firm, he loved me when I lost even more weight due to an ulcer and was so bony and skinny you could count my spinal discs while I was standing…
So now let’s go…
I’m average too and I’m older at 53 and I’m blind in one eye and wear glasses that don’t balance since the one lens is just plain glass…so one eye looks bigger than the other…
LONG swan like necks are very prized the problem is YOU view your long, swan like neck as a bad thing and YOU hate it… so YOU see it… trust me we are all our own worst critics.
To me collar bones are SEXY… I have gained enough weight back now that I can barely see mine and I’m trying desperately to lose enough weight to have collar bones again…
A long graceful neck and collarbones.. gawd seriously hon, I’m jealous. I know you think me whacked but it’s true… and you can’t see it… what you hate on yourself I would kill for.
You continue with “I wear normal but CHEAP casual clothes” what does that mean? So you don’t wear Vera Wang to go shopping? I don’t like to spend a lot on my clothes either… and you say it’s not an issue but you mentioned it. Usually when someone mentions something it’s for a reason.
Your statement “we can’t all be attractive” left out an important part… TO ALL PEOPLE.
Not everyone thinks I’m beautiful or sexy. My husband does and that’s all that matters. NO you can’t be attractive to everyone, but I would bet my entire life’s EARNINGS that given the chance that you are bound to find someone who finds you stunning.
Did you ever think that the teen girls who stare and whisper are saying “gawd she’s perfect…look at her collarbones and her graceful neck.. I wish I was that thin”? I do. I’m betting some of them desire your body type more than you could imagine.
If you don’t want a scene then just ignore them.
But I think your post is screaming HELP ME…. the best thing you can do is accept we are all different and beautiful in our own ways… and there is a cover for every pot. Confidence is sexy in men and women and you are a gift. You are someone’s fit… you just have to be open to finding that person.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2013): I know what you mean. I am getting older and my neck is starting to show it. I have a long neck, but I am a short person. But my long neck has gotten a lot of loose skin and for my age, my neck looks like an 80 year old. Plus I knhave some fat under my chin now. Then there are the frown lines. People have commented that I look like I am always scowling when I am actually in a happy mood. All of this is driving me crazy.I am aware enough when people have that split second look and see my chin and the loose skin on my neck. They look taken aback and shocked. I hate it.I've had my nose made of fun of growing up and my breasts too.Really, none of that bothered me until this aging thing started to happen.I am not advising you to do this, but I am going to have plastic surgery to correct some of these issues. It is bothering me that much.What I would do, in your shoes, is get some counseling to help you in your self-esteem.Also, you should treat yourself and have a spa day. Have your hair, makeup and nails done. Even see a fashion consultant to update your wardrobe. Join a gym to workout or go solo and run if you are too shy to workout in front of people.I hope this helps some. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Lolly_Poll  +, writes (11 September 2013):
Hey. I'm sorry you've had to encounter judgmental people who think it's ok to stare. I'm sure your neck and collar bones aren't that bad, or noticeable it is probably worsened by you stressing about it. The first thing you have to do is accept that your neck looks the way it does. That's a very important thing to do. You can't change it, it is a part of you. The more worried we are about something happening, the more we feel it is happening. I get stared at in the street too, however not for reasons that I am actually sure at, and it isn't a very nice experience. I got myself all worked up and decided to do something about it. I went home and stood in front of a mirror, and properly looked at myself. Yes my legs are a bit of a weird shape, yes my eyes look a weird shape, and yes my teeth are not as I would like. But that is me. It's not changing, so I may as well accept it.When I did that, yes people still stare but I don't notice it as much anymore. If people do stare, smile at them, or say hello. Be nice, they'll know they've been caught staring and will be embarrassed as you are being nice to them.We are all different, and that's a good thing. It will take time but you should try to accept your body as it is. Who cares if you can't afford expensive clothing? Nobody has to know how much things cost. I think this is more down to you having low self esteem, this will be making your other issues worse. If you work on that and having some confidence in yourself, you'll notice the stares much less.Good luck x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2013): I think you probably look striking , and that is a good thing. People are drawn in because of your elegant swan-like neck meshed with your odd-ball glasses, and the clash of all these elements turns out to be something really quite stunning.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2013): You said yourself that tje staring doesnt hapoen often. So that means you are normal. Everyone gets stared at some times for different reasons. I am an ethnic minority in a very white part of town so I get stared at because it is unusual to see a non white person here. Similarly my husband, who is white, gets stared at when we visit my home country simply because there is it unusual to see a white person. So what? The staring is harmless. If there is malicious intent (as I have been the target of racial discrimination type of hostility) you will know it by threatening gestures or words directed at you.I have friends who are very short, others who are very tall. I am sure they get stared at sometimes too because they stand out from the crowd. I have friends with disabilities who require mobility aids or service dogs. They get stared at some times too. Everyone gets stared at some times for different reasons. There is a difference between people merely staring at you, versus shunning you, or having malicious intentions towards you.When I was growing up I had a genetic skin condition that made other kids in school afraid to come near me (yes they said so). This made me very self conscious. I was being shunned by the other kids. Years later my skin cleared up and people who are older are more mature so I wasn't being shunned anymore but the fear of it was now ingrained and automatic. It took awhile to realize that ibwasnt being shunned anymore.Similarly I have been racially targeted (racial slurs being shouted at me by strangers on the street). So some times I am cautious and vigilant towards whether people who are staring at me seem to be showing hostility. Most times they are not. I would suggest that you try to determine if people are only staring at you or if they are being hateful towards you by their words and actions? Or are you just imagining what you think they are thinking? Everyone gets stared at some times for different reasons and most of it is neutral and is not hateful or derisive.Finally if someone is staring at you and you don't like it, I have found a good way to respond is to simply stare at them back. Usually this embarrasses them into looking away and not staring at you anymore. If they are hostile towards you and you fear they might harm you (like racial hatred or having other violent objectives) then you need to then assess how safe the environment is for you to confront them about their staring. If I were on a bus and the only other people were a group of white supremacists staring at me, and i am out numbered then I would not choose to confront them. But if there were other people around or if it was just one person I might.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2013): It is true people judge certainly in today's society on how we look .. We have to conform to a certain weight, how our hair colour should be .. And the list for females goes on and on .. I feel we should never judge a book by its cover .. But not everyone feels the same ..Ontop of this we are all very critical of how we look, we also without knowing gauge our own reflection on what we view in magazines , shop window posters and the thing is .. Is the majority of these pics are false they are airbrushed to give a certain flawless image ..Okey so you not drop dead gorgeous .. By golly who is . So what .. If people stare let then sweetie .. I think if you had more confidence in yourself then these people would not matter ..Look at boosting your confidence have your friends over for a cuppa and a chat .. Look in mirror and tell yourself you are pretty .. As you are sweetie an nice kind pretty sweet nature is worth more than outer beauty .. Beauty with no inner substances fades and dies as the years roll on and what is left is nothing .. Inner beauty will always shine . So don't let these people get you down .. Smile sweetly at them, it will throw them of guard they expect you to run a hide .. Let your inner beauty shine .. You need to love you before you love anyone else .. Take care x
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