A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Exactly a year ago, I broke up with the love of my life. Our relationship was very toxic due to her very rough past. The breakup was a total devastation for both of us. She took on drugs, I was very depressed n couldnt function properly.3 months later, I started frequenting casinos and meeting the wrong females (fast party girls).I was partying non-stop and my house became known as the party house but at least (or so I thought), I went from being depressive to normal again.The issue is that the gambling went from casual to a borderline addiction. I have spent $50,000 in 9 months and now I'm more depressed than I ever was, I feel guilt and I'm ashamed.I spent the majority of savings it took me 6 years of hard work to gather. I can't sleep or function normally.I have vowed to never return to the casino and I'm good at keeping my vows but I just wanna rid myself of this feeling of back to back devastation and live normal again.Thanks for any advice.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 September 2013):
 Sounds to me like you have an addictive personality. I have one. I find things to be addicted to... My drug of choice... food. After having gastric bypass i had to find a new drug... (shades of Huey Lewis)
Transfer addiction (where you give up your addiction of choice and replace it with something else) is very common in WLS circles..... Sadly Alcohol often becomes the drug of choice...
other options for addictions besides food and alcohol:
drugs
gambling
sex
shopping
exercise
for me it's been a nice mix of shopping and exercise... I did get dangerously close to alcohol but thankfully blowing out my stomach with a perforated ulcer stopped that....
So you went from a dysfunctional relationship which probably satisfied your addictive needs to gambling and sex...
now you have wisely given up gambling... (if only I could totally give up food) and you need to get past the "beating myself up" stage.
I think maybe attending some 12 step programs or reading the books on them may help you gain insight.
I think some therapy may be in order to help you find coping techniques so that the next time a huge disappointment hits (and there will be many in your life) you have coping skills that are not negative.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (12 September 2013):
 I won't be as generous as IAHTHY, and Aunty Babbit.....
They suggest that you "work" on your depression AND (both) suggested that there would be some sort of medication that would "help" you..... To that, I say, "Hogwash".....
YOU know what is wrong with you... you KNOW the things that you have done to get you in to the predicament that you describe as your life....
I'm from the Bob Newhart school..... in which we slap you upside the head and say, "Deal with it....."
You need to learn self-control. You need to grasp hold of those bits of your life that ARE productive... that WILL help you return and re-acquire the "... savings it took me 6 years of hard work to gather." You need six more years, to get BACK to where you were, before you fell off the dock!!!! Soooo, start now... and send us a few update reports... and we'll patiently WAIT those 6 years for you to have figured out how to live you life ON YOUR OWN behalf... and WITHOUT behaving like an idiot who is trying to subvert everything that you KNOW you should do to succeed.....
Too many people, in my opinion, think that there is some sort of "pill" that will make all things right in their lives.... C'mon... this is the REAL WORLD.... not a book by the Brothers Grimm!!!!
Work hard... and Good luck....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2013): Thanks for the responses. Honestly, I will not return to the casino. I never wanna experience this feeling again. So that's not going to be an issue going forward.
I just feel so low and ashamed right now and have constant nightmares about the money I spent and it's not getting any better. I'm absolutely disgusted at myself and need to find a way to rid of these negative feelings.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (12 September 2013):
 You need to see your Doctor and get some help for the physical symptoms of your depression.
You would probably benefit from joining a group for people with gambling addiction too. All the self control in the world cannot help you work through the emotions of an addictive personality, so get some counselling.
Then you need to take control of the rest of your life.
Work out what you can afford financially and then start to work at clearing off your debts and putting money back into your savings.
Once you take some positive steps to getting your life back I'm certain you will feel better about yourself and life will improve.
Wallowing in the wrongs of the past is unproductive and making you feel bad.
So learn from those past mistakes and start to make amends.
You've made a fabulous first step by acknowledging that you have a problem.
I hope this helps AB x
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