A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,I am 28 and my girlfriend is 26. She is a traveling nurse so she moves pretty frequently. We have only been dating about 2 months and only official for one month. The way her job works is that she will work in a city for 3 months then go to a different one for 3 months. That is not the issue though (her home base is my area, and I think she only wants to do two more assignment before she settles here).Here is my dilemma, she originally moved her on a 3 mont lease which ends in a few weeks. She extended her contract which means she needs a new place to live for the next 3 months. So the first place we look at is of course really nice and turns out the roommate is a guy. She would have her own bedroom and bathroom but it'd just be those two living there.I hate the idea of this, and I have read a few forums online and pretty much all of them say they wouldn't stand for it.I trust her but not so much a single guy her age that lives with her. And she is the friendly type where she will think a guy hitting on her all day is just him joking around and being nice.Should I make an issue out of this? I feel like its a lose lose, she will resent me for making her not live there (espec if the place she ends up in sucks or has a bad room mate), or I just get punked out and let some guy live with my girlfriend.I saw the guys facebook page (she already added him) and he looks like a jersey shore guy which most likely means he won't care she has a boyfriend.Male and females please give me your opinionThanks
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 September 2013):
 if you trust her then his intentions don't matter or his trustworthiness.
I trust my husband enough that i know if i put him in a room full of half naked young women of his preference he would look but not touch... that's enough for me.
it's 3 months not forever
and it really is too early for you to have a say in it.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2013): If I was rooming with a girl I would be trying everything I could to get with her if she was attractive. All it takes is one little argument from you and she's out drinking with this guy. All I would say is try to find some other options of houses or flats. Tell her you dot really want a relationship with three people in and back off a bit. If she is interested still and prepared to compromise you know she gives a fuck. If not then am afraid she is heading to this guy already and with the fbook add this ain't looking good. Why's she added him if she don't know them. Don't listen to the women on here talking about trust. There is no way on gods green earth that any of them would be cool with there husband/partner/lover moving in with a Latino woman who liked to party. Just my 10p.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2013): Hi guys,
Thanks for the input
This is the original poster, so I did tell her I don't like the idea, she just said she'd keep her options open.
But here is the deal on this place, it would be unfurnished, she'd be sleeping on an air mattress and the guy has no job. He said he would pay the 3 months rent upfront cash though. The complex is super nice and would let her dog in thats why she likes it I think. This was the only place she looked at and they want her to sign the lease in a few days.
As far as me finding her shelter, I have sent her a bunch of furnished options just maybe a few hundred more, and am going to ask my roommate if she could move in short term, if I more than double my rent.
Her job give her over 2000 dollars in a housing stipend a month which she pockets what she doesn't use so all of these options I listed she would still be pocketing a grand every month minimum, I am not breaking the bank on her.
As a guy, I think you need to say something or a girl will just think you're a push over with no balls.
And yes I do agree that I can't control her and pick for her so I am not going to tell her where to live.
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A
male
reader, jiggaman22  +, writes (13 September 2013):
my cousin lives with a guy, just those two and they don't sleep with each other, they are both attractive (objectively speaking, since I can't say I find m own blood attractive, thats just weird) but you need to get over this, I wouldn't let this girl know that you have insecurities, and also, she may not have even thought about the possibility of having sexual relations with this guy, so what will you talking to her about it do? yes, that will probably plant the seed in her mind.
so to recap, A) insecurities are unattractive
B) so early on in the relationship, you cannot tell her what to do
c) you can't say that you don't "trust" the guy if you trust the girl; you can feel uncomfortable with the situation, but she can surely defend herself if he did try anything!
d) be the bigger man, prove to her that you are the alpha, that you are the better choice of man; she does not want a baby to look after.
Take care my friend, and trust me, you need to let this go!
JiggaJigga!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 September 2013):
 I honestly don't think you have a say, yet. The relationship is WAY to new for you to tell her where she can live.
And he can look like anything and still be a good guy. Or bad. You can't really judge by how he looks.
Thirdly, it's for 3 months. Not 3 years.
I think if you start now trying to tell her where she can and can not live and who she can room mate with, the relationship is going to end a lot sooner.
Don't you have any faith and trust in her? Do you think because the room-mate is a dude, she will pay her rent in "natural trade" ? Like she can not stay faithful and tell the guy, I have a BF, I'm not interested in dating you or sleeping with you, I just need a place to live for 3 months?
How well DO you know her?
If it some how makes you feel uncomfortable then perhaps look and see what else is out there, but it might not be easy at all to find a place for 3 months only. Consider that. And consider that she is an adult, has brains and hopefully some common sense.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2013): Not everyone sleeps with each other. People might be not even attracted to each other. I have plenty of male friends but I don't sleep with them. Them living in one house means nothing. If she wants to be with you she won't sleep with him, if she doesn't want to be faithfull shell sleep with whoever, it doesn't have to be her roommate.
if you are so concerned why don't you offer her shelter. Especially with her moving around.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2013): If it was me, I wouldn't be happy either!Sure, there is trust and everything, but they will be sharing the same space, every day! They are already linked via Facebook...Let her get somewhere else, with a female roommate or a place with more than one girl if there has to be a guy there. It's only temporary anyway and if you see your relationship working out in the future, once all her assignments are over, you can then consider getting a place you two share - long term, not now.One last thing - the fact she goes away every 3 months, there is definitely trust required on both your sides so I'm sure it would have been ok her sharing with a guy, it's just not ideal especially as she has you, her boyfriend. Your feelings also matter.As a female, I would not be happy if my boyfriend chose to move in with another girl his age, and only the two of them sharing. Call it playing it safe, but why allow any temptation!...
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A
female
reader, PeachCobbler03 +, writes (13 September 2013):
 I think it's okay to discuss the issue with your girlfriend and to let her know that the arrangement makes you feel uncomfortable. However, ultimately the decision is hers to make.If this is only the first place she's looked, then there's no guarantee that she's going to room with this guy. While I do think it's a good idea for her to shop around for apartments, I don't think it's a good idea for you to make a huge issue of this arrangement.You said that you trust your girlfriend, so how the male roommate chooses to act is not her responsibility and has nothing to do with your relationship.Judging the prospective roommate, based on his Face Book page, is also not cool. Maybe he has a girlfriend (or boyfriend). Maybe he's not interested in hitting on other mens' girlfriends. You don't know, but you are creating a lot of drama, based on how he looks.
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A
female
reader, :)31215 +, writes (13 September 2013):
 Hey,
It's understandable for you to feel this way. The best thing to do is to just tell your girlfriend how you feel. That you trust her, but just the roommate being a male makes you uncomfortable. Especially as it's just those two.
From her view though, she will have her own space, her own bedroom and bathroom, and being a nurse probably doesn't spend much time at the flat anyway.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (13 September 2013):
Where I live, it's common to have roommates of the opposite sex. I lived in a place once, 3 girls 1 guy and he had a girlfriend that didn't live with us (at first), she lived across the country. It really wasn't a big deal. He was cool and nice...but he didn't try to hit on us and we didn't try to hit on him, it was just like having another ordinary roommate.
I think it's okay to voice your concerns and hopefully she'll be sensitive to your needs and find a female roommate instead. I know some may say that this means you don't trust her, but I can understand it making you uncomfortable.
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