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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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All I want is a cuddle but if I ask it'll start another fight
Q. I just feel confused at the moment, distant and not sure what it is i'm thinking. I haven't seen my girlfriend for about three weeks now and everyday it just feels like she hates me at times. She has a lot of Uni work on at the moment so i can ...
A. 1 November 2013: Ok so you are with a distant woman who lies to you, does things you don’t want her to do, calls you names, belittles you and picks fights.
When you try to have an adult conversation with her about how you feel she shuts down on you and goes run... (read in full...)
My gf has a friend, and apparently they like each other. How should I react?
Q. my gf and I are in a long distance relationship for a year and a half now. We love each other and so far we have been very happy together. she met a guy in university who has been talking to her and messaging her on fb. he has been asking her to h...
A. 1 November 2013: LDRS are hard. You are 30-35 and she is in university so is this an age gap relationship as well? Is she much younger than you? That will have some bearing on it as the younger she is the more chance that another year apart will be difficult if ... (read in full...)
An Angry Boyfriend? What to do with him when he is like this?
Q. I feel like lately things have escalated way out of control. So the other day he and I decided to see each other for a couple of hours before he starts work. While I was waiting for him to arrive, we spoke on the phone and got into a small disagr...
A. 1 November 2013: I agree that your passivity (and are you being passive aggressive either on purpose or without realizing it?) is the problem.
1. He did not “follow up on the conversation” meaning he did not meet your expectations so you got mad at him. To “pu... (read in full...)
How do I break up with him? I love him with all of my heart
Q. Hi everyone. Well I've been in a relationship with a lovely guy for the last 4 years and I used to think he was the one. In fact I still do in some ways. However the last year or so has been very rocky because I've started to want more from the ...
A. 1 November 2013: I think this is the hardest break up of all...
I love you
YOU love me
but we want different things and I need to leave you.
I'm not sure who will cry more...
but Tisha is right.. ya gotta just do it.
You said you will talk to him ... (read in full...)
Does my boyfriend wish things had worked out with him and his ex?
Q. Why would my boyfriend (31m) look at his exes pictures on facebook all the time if he says he hates her because of the way she treated him. Is it really because he dislikes her or because he still has feelings for her - wishes things had worked out? ...
A. 1 November 2013: IF he HATES her he's not over her. I agree with Caring Guy.
The only way a person is OVER another person is when they feel ambivalent about them.
I do check out my ex partners now and again but I'm over them and I don't hate any of them (ev... (read in full...)
Should I feel this guilty about not being a virgin anymore? I'm 23 and I've slept with one person!
Q. Hi Aunts and Uncles, You all have given me great advice in the past, and I'm hoping you can help me again. I've been struggling with feelings of guilt over not being a virgin anymore. I'm 23 and I slept with my last (and only) boyfriend. In th...
A. 1 November 2013: You should not feel guilty... you slept with a man you loved and you did it in good faith.
You make the assumption that your future husband will place a premium on your virginity. For all you know the man you finally meet and marry may not want... (read in full...)
Should I talk about this when I meet up with an old friend?
Q. Should I talk about this when I meet up with an old friend? I'm meeting a friend this weekend, who I haven't seen for a few years. I want to talk about everything that has been going on recently, such as when I went on holiday for the weekend to v...
A. 1 November 2013: of course you talk about it... it's part of your life and that is part of catching up...... (read in full...)
Not all fathers are good fathers, but what do you do?
Q. This isn't a question as such, more to see what other people's opinion on this is. I am all for a dad to have his rights and responsibilities towards his children. But what do people think a mother should do when there was domestic abuse in th...
A. 1 November 2013: I keep thinking about this one and I totally get what the OP is asking and why she is asking it.
I think that sadly this is going to have to be one of those stupid lessons the kids learn way too young.. that NOT all grown ups behave as grown ups... (read in full...)
Should I have sex with my manager if he want to?
Q. I am 19 and I work part-time as a server. We have this kind of newish manager, he's 31, that started about 5-7 months ago. When he first started working there, I HATED him. I mean seriously disliked the guy. He was arrogant, rude, cocky an demanded ...
A. 31 October 2013: NO do not sleep with your manager.
it will get out
and YOU will be the one who is harmed by it not him.
just say NO... (read in full...)
I called my girlfriend fat. I was joking but she's upset. How do I make it up to her?
Q. I have got a problem which needs your help. I met my girlfriend in Singapore two years ago and living with her in her small apartment there provided to her by school where she teaches. I do odd job there and grateful to her for that. She is an ...
A. 31 October 2013: Calling a woman fat is probably the worst sin a man can commit even if said lovingly and because he prefers her that way...
You make peace with her by telling her you were a total asshole and you love her no matter what she weighs... an... (read in full...)
Not all fathers are good fathers, but what do you do?
Q. This isn't a question as such, more to see what other people's opinion on this is. I am all for a dad to have his rights and responsibilities towards his children. But what do people think a mother should do when there was domestic abuse in th...
A. 31 October 2013: Sadly yes a father's rights to see his kids when he pleases if he's not abusing them do stretch that far.
I do not think you are using the kids to punish him. I do not think you are doing anything other than trying to protect your children... (read in full...)
Not all fathers are good fathers, but what do you do?
Q. This isn't a question as such, more to see what other people's opinion on this is. I am all for a dad to have his rights and responsibilities towards his children. But what do people think a mother should do when there was domestic abuse in th...
A. 31 October 2013: the only one who should say NO to the father seeing the children other than adult children is the courts.
MOTHERS have no rights to say yes or no.
They do have a responsibility to protect the child and therefore if the father has a history... (read in full...)
The last convo we had he said I was acting like a psycho and wants me to leave him alone. How do I fix all this?
Q. I've been dating this guy for aboyt 2 months. He has his own business and works crazy hours and gets stressed about it. In the beginning we spent a lot of time together. We went out and did enjoyable things together. Then he started a really huge ...
A. 31 October 2013: I agree with the others who say your ONLY hope is to leave him alone 100% and forget about him and move on with your life.
He probably will not contact you again and that's ok... after a mere two months you don't have a lot invested.
... (read in full...)
I want to tell him to stop contacting me because I feel like he is playing with my heart, does he miss me or is he just saying hi?
Q. A guy I met broke up with me and said he doesn't know what he wants. he said he is lost. I asked to help him and he said no. I decided to accept it and now after almost two week no contact he texted me out of the blue and said "hope everything good ...
A. 31 October 2013: he's just being polite and feeling the waters. Most folks don't want to be the bad guy in the break up and they try to remain friends. that's what this is.
you asked for something, he would not or could not comply so it's over. Now he wants to... (read in full...)
Should I just let him go? He doesn't like me as I like him
Q. Hi everyone.. I promise ill try to keep this short but I just tend to vent a lot and I apologize..But I live in new york and from brooklyn..and had to go to a town two hours away from where I live because I had to attend this modeling thing.....
A. 31 October 2013: ok so i'm a bit confused... you are away (2 hours which is really nothing in this day and age) from home and met a guy
he wants to date but you declined due to the distance when you go home is that correct???
so now that you have declined to... (read in full...)
My ex won't let go and is telling people how he misses me and sending me things in the mail
Q. Can any of u lovely people help me.... I've posted here before. I was with a man a few years older than me for 2 years. In those 2 years he cheated for 15 months (I was the mistress it turned out) I tried to stay and forgive him. It just didn't work ...
A. 31 October 2013: he's playing at you.
IGNORE THE LETTER and anything else you get in the mail from him write RETURN TO SENDER and do NOT open it... just sent it back...
His goal is to engage you.... while it's NOT a game, the best thing you can do is to IGN... (read in full...)
My husband said he was only on the dating site to look at the pictures
Q. I found out my husband had been going on hookup/dating sites. He claimed he was using photos for masturbation vs going to porn sites. At first he lied and denied it at all. He said he didn't know how those sites got on his phone. (And I found them ...
A. 31 October 2013: I know my husband looks at porn (and i'm fine with it) but he apparently also has a site where he looks at local girls and that bugs me... he won't cheat this I know but I don't like him looking at potentially available women that bugs me. He ... (read in full...)
My online boyfriend just used me for money!
Q. I meet my bf online 4 months back. Initially he was very sweet. And always told me he loves me very much. We never meet face to face. He is financially a broke. I helped him pay half of his house rent once. He also didn't have money to eat food I a...
A. 30 October 2013: Have you done the right thing by leaving him? YES!... (read in full...)
I feel like I'm being disrespected, used, and attacked by my boyfriend
Q. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 13 months now, and I have never loved someone so much before. I recently started my first year of college, and my first job. My motivation was him, it was for our future. He on the other hand wont ...
A. 30 October 2013: what you need to do is leave him dear.
I know what you wanted to hear was ways we could tell you how to get him to trust you and behave the way you want need and expect a boyfriend to behave.
You want THIS man to be the man you WANT and he's no... (read in full...)
Will the Way He Treats Me Be Enough For this to Work?
Q. Me and my bf have been together a couple of months. WE moved in together already. People think it was to fast but we are happy and in love. We work together sometimes too so we spend most of our time together. I met my bf when he first came back ...
A. 30 October 2013: The problem is that you have not seen him in stress...
Addicts are told NOT to get into a relationship for ONE year into recovery. He's not even 1 month into recovery.
How in the world can you say he treats you so good if you are the one supp... (read in full...)
Haven't heard from my boyfriend since Friday, worrying that something's happened to him!
Q. This is probably more of a vent-my-feelings post than anything else, but I suppose I'm also looking for reassurance! I'm 22, he's 26, in a serious relationship etc. We're going on holiday together next week and I'm going out of my mind that somethin...
A. 30 October 2013: this is why texting is no way to have a relationship. the messages don't always go through.
OP while it would have been nice and considerate of him to send a message or let you know some way that he was "sick and going to bed" I don't disagr... (read in full...)
What am I doing wrong in my friendships?
Q. Need advice about friendships.. I'm going to try not to sound too much like a victim here, just bear in mind i've fallen in a heap and am feeling a bit sorry for myself.. For as long as i can remember i've had difficulties with friendships an...
A. 30 October 2013: "I've got a few really good quality friends."
that's all you need.
how many FRIENDS do you need? I have a few...there are exactly three that I see on a regular (or even semi-regular) basis and would die for two of them.
I do not wa... (read in full...)
Will taking this break help?
Q. My fiance and I are on a break to give us time to think and figure things out. He didnt want to take time out but I forced it because we constantly kept fighting and he constantly broke his promise never to get angry at me over small things. And ...
A. 30 October 2013: I do not hold out much hope for this one ending “happily ever after” Even if you do manage to get past this “engagement” and get married I am betting eventually you will divorce.
Once a couple is engaged there should be no need for BREAKS… ... (read in full...)
What should I do about a guy I met online? He didn't reply to a text but had time to log in to dating site.
Q. Please need some advice! I have been going out with a guy I met online. He told me he only had one other girl friend in his life ( hes 37). He was quiet and seemed lovely. Well it's been 4 dates. As we have great chemistry he has spent the...
A. 30 October 2013: stop prompting him to see you.
stop rowing the relationship boat and let him lead for a bit. Let him initiate contact and set the dates... see what happens if you let him take the lead...
for all you know he was on the site to deact... (read in full...)
My boyfriend said "I love you" so quickly! How long does it take for them to know they're in love?
Q. I'm 18 years old. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months. He told me he loved me for the first time very early in our relationship (2 weeks) and it kinda freaked me out how early he said that. For a while I just wouldn't say it back ...
A. 30 October 2013: He said it when he felt it... It can happen...
even if he only THOUGHT he meant it at 2 weeks.. if he's still saying it at 6 months by now I"m pretty sure he's 100% sure...
I think you have a great guy there and should stop looking fo... (read in full...)
can you love, or have strong feelings for someone you have never met?
Q. I'm going to sound like an absolute idiot for asking this but, can you love, or have strong feelings for someone you have never met? I'll tell the story. We started talking a good five months ago, he lives in the same town as me but i had never ac...
A. 30 October 2013: It's not love.
I think it's game playing... if you live in the same town (and obviously frequent the same clubs) why are you not doing this in real life? why is just about texting and game playing?
... (read in full...)
My child's father suddenly wants to play a bigger role in her life
Q. I have a child with my ex, she is 3, and I have raised her completely on my own with a little help from my family and her father's sister. I never asked her father to stick around me, but I practical begged him to play a part in his daughter's life, ...
A. 30 October 2013: I say if he wants to step up and be a dad now... GOOD FOR HIM and YES by all means you should NOT stand in his way.
As long as the child is safe with her dad let her go...
start slow... no overnights till she's ready... if she had been doing t... (read in full...)
Co worker goes from friend to just a co worker?
Q. Hi. I work at a school and it pays ok for now. Well I am engaged and there is a male coworker who is married with a baby. We hit it off and became friends at work, so I thought. We both talked a lot during work and texts about games work etc not ...
A. 30 October 2013: I'm betting his wife found out about the friendship and even though there was NOTHING going on she put a stop to it.
You need to respect those boundaries. He's not going to tell you "my wife said I can't play anymore" NO MAN wants to admit he... (read in full...)
So broken after a fight....Is there hope?
Q. My boyfriend of 6 months and I got into a huge fight last night. Yesterday I came back from work and school feeling pretty overwhelmed the whole day. I came over to his place thinking that he was really excited to see me because he texted me "come ...
A. 30 October 2013: ARE you not worth more than this abuse?
he called you bitch'
he called you the C word (I hate that word so much I won't even type it)
why do you think this is the best you can get?
When my husband (an avid MMO player) and I started d... (read in full...)
I need help to get back to where we're happy with one another
Q. This is a bit of a complicated question to ask... There's a man and a woman, and they went to high-school with one another. After they both graduated, the man decides to ask this woman on a date, etc. they start dating and become a solid relation...
A. 30 October 2013: It seems to me that this relationship is destined to fail over and over on many levels.
You have known each other a long time.
“I don’t’ like stretch marks but they don’t bother me” is a contradictory statement. You can’t have it both way... (read in full...)
It seems like my wife is supportive only when times are good
Q. recently I have been in a lot of stress because of work, and I'm kind of depressed, I don't know how long its been like this, and now this is affecting my marriage we fight a lot and sometimes I feel that she is my friend only when everything is ok, ...
A. 29 October 2013: I've discovered that most of the problems in marriage stem from lack of communication. I have also learned that many couples need help in that area.
As such I recommend if possible that you two consider a stint with a marriage counselor to... (read in full...)
I hit it off with my builder but now he's blowing cold. What happened?
Q. A builder came to do some work on my house. We hit it off straight away. We had so much in common. We exchanged numbers and have chatted everyday since. Saturday he sent me a text asking what I was up to. I said I was just home bored I invited him ...
A. 29 October 2013: Agree with all the posts that said he may be taken.
also maybe he just wanted sex
and agree that if he calls or texts again how you respond will set the tone.
... (read in full...)
When Will the Rose Colored Glasses Come Off?
Q. About 2 weeks ago I posted a question about my son cutting his friends and family out of his life because of a new gf. The verdict was just to give it time and he would come around. Now, here we are, with something that is even more perplexing ...
A. 29 October 2013: the fact that your son told you he bought these tickets for 6 weeks away is interesting to me.
Does he SHARE everything with you? if so you two may be too enmeshed as mother and child and he needs to back away and you need to let him do so.
... (read in full...)
He keeps flaking out on plans
Q. Hi, There is a guy on my university degree who for the past year has been showing interest. We have never spoke in person (just hey, you alright?) We have different friendship groups and were both abit shy around each other. We speak on fac...
A. 29 October 2013: I would not text him I would not count on him, I would not contact him or expect anything from him.
he's a total time waster. ... (read in full...)
Should I believe that he wants me for more than just sex?
Q. Hi, I am from Malaysia. I met a Persian guy online. We talked for few days and he came to meet me up. I kinda like him and we were in love fast, till now its like a month we are together. I dont know him well, yesterday I was asking him about his...
A. 29 October 2013: should you what? have sex with him... I vote NO... his history is shady, your emotions are extended and you are LDR
do not have sex with him... if that's all he wants you will now soon enough..
... (read in full...)
My child's father risks jail because of his behavior towards me and I feel guilty!
Q. I need help.....i feel guilty for putting my child father in jail. His jealousy causes him to do crazy things to me. At first I thought his jealous behavior was cut until it ended with property being destroyed. Now we have a pending court case and I ...
A. 29 October 2013: And what do you think would have been different had you communicated more?
... (read in full...)
Can you have a serious relationship with a man 7-8 years younger than yourself?
Q. What if a man is younger by 7-8 years than the woman , can they give each other a secure relationship? Specially if they purpose it to marry not just time pass . How do a woman know he is really serious to marry inspite of age gap and not taking her ...
A. 29 October 2013: It will depend on the age. My husband is 13 years younger than I am. OF course if I was 33 and he was 20 I doubt it would have worked as 33 is way more settled than 20.
Only time will tell if you and your younger man (which btw a gap of 7-8 y... (read in full...)
What can I do about this controlling guy?
Q. i been with my significant other for 6 years and hes always been the jealous type, always in my business, wanting to know my facebook password, my email password my phone code to unlock my phone etc, doesnt want me to have friends and i have lost ...
A. 28 October 2013: Dear OP,
I read your question and I have read the replies. And I get why you are asking for help. You feel paralyzed. You are in love with the man you want this man to be… 6 years of your life is a long time…The problem for you is HE WILL NEVE... (read in full...)
I have 3 small children and want to leave my abusive husband but don't know how to do so!
Q. My husband (who is now 29) and I (I am now 24) met when I was 18 and he was 23. We've been together ever since. We got married 18 months after we met because I was six months pregnant. After I gave birth, my husband went from sappy, overly romantic ...
A. 28 October 2013: Dear OP,
if you will PM me what state you are in I will do the search for you to find a shelter for abused women so you can get away from this abusive man. I just helped a local person (a friend of a friend) find a shelter... it was easy for... (read in full...)
Do abusers ever leave you alone?
Q. I recently just got out of an abusive relationship. My family and friends are fully aware of it and absolutely support my decision and want nothing to do with this man themselves. It has been a few weeks since the break up. I have him blocked on ...
A. 28 October 2013: EVERYONE you know must totally block and ignore him.
Eventually yes he will stop, it's just been a few weeks.
IF he does ANYTHING to make you feel uncomfortable (show up at your work or your home or family or friends) you call the POLICE ... (read in full...)
When Will the Rose Colored Glasses Come Off?
Q. About 2 weeks ago I posted a question about my son cutting his friends and family out of his life because of a new gf. The verdict was just to give it time and he would come around. Now, here we are, with something that is even more perplexing ...
A. 28 October 2013: the thing is he's an adult and he has to make his own decisions and choices and all you can do as his parent is love him to the best of your ability.
I personally know lots of couples that moved in quickly and lived happily ever after includin... (read in full...)
My child's father risks jail because of his behavior towards me and I feel guilty!
Q. I need help.....i feel guilty for putting my child father in jail. His jealousy causes him to do crazy things to me. At first I thought his jealous behavior was cut until it ended with property being destroyed. Now we have a pending court case and I ...
A. 28 October 2013: IT's not your fault. YOU do not control his behavior.
HE MADE the choice to behave in a manner that put you and your child at risk. He's just being punished for HIS bad choices.
Adults learn there are consequences to their behavior.
T... (read in full...)
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