A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Can any of u lovely people help me.... I've posted here before. I was with a man a few years older than me for 2 years. In those 2 years he cheated for 15 months (I was the mistress it turned out) I tried to stay and forgive him. It just didn't work out, I was silly to think It would. I then found out I was pregnant and lost the baby in the early stages, he didn't want the baby and made my life hell trying to talk me into a termination. When he realised he wasn't getting what he wanted he chucked me out. His whole family hated me and his mum made my life hell, I then phoned the police out to him in the end. So fast forward... It has been 5 months. I've had counselling every week since I left. I will admit sometimes it's hard, and sometimes I do miss him, but I am not weak any more. I've stayed strong and not contacted him. I've taken a transfer to another office and changed my number to avoid contact, because I know I'd fall right back into that trap, because even after all the hurt and abuse I still have feelings for him. Sometimes it's love and sometimes it's sheer hate. But I'm determined I won't go back to that. Life is better without this man. So... Today. I recieve a letter from him by post. He tells me he's sorry and he wants what's best for me and makes jokes about my great sense of humour and how he misses it and he wishes things could be different, encloses a DVD full of our pix and videos of holidays etc and how he doesn't expect a reply from me because he knows I've moved on. AND he texts me cousin and close friend telling her I'm the mischievous little imp missing from his life and I always will be. He will always miss me. Today I have spent the day in a daze.. I'm shocked and I'm wondering what the hell he is playing at. What does this mean? What do I do? I want to send him a letter back telling him exactly what I think of him and how much he hurt me. Do I rise to this? Do I ignore it. Why would he do this? Part of me wants to slap him for doing this to me again all these months down the line... Someone tell me.. What would u do? Ignore it, or respond?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2013): It sounds to me like it is part of his 'letting go'. My ex told me he loves me and always will. It didn't mean he wanted me back, he was just telling me what he was feeling at that time. Sending you all the pix, may have been him clearing it all out, and before deleting them all, he sent them to you. I suggest you do your best to ignore him. Unless he specifically says "I want you back", I suggest you don't think that is what he is doing. He may also just be trying to keep you on thread, for his own ego, with no intention of it going anywhere. If he contacts you again, you could say to him, "please do not ever contact me again, I am moving on with my life". I don't see any need for nastiness, but you need to ensure he stays out of your life, as any contact will continually upset you.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (31 October 2013):
 he's playing at you.
IGNORE THE LETTER and anything else you get in the mail from him write RETURN TO SENDER and do NOT open it... just sent it back...
His goal is to engage you.... while it's NOT a game, the best thing you can do is to IGNORE HIM totally then YOU WIN... YOU get your life back and he goes away with his tail tucked between his legs because he realizes he no longer has any power over you.
Be strong
IGNORE totally 100%
and tell any family and/or friends he contacts to do the same.
the more folks that ignore him the faster he will stop.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (31 October 2013):
 Ignore it, IF he is married/serious GF, I would mail that DVD to his HOME (which I assume he shares with his GF/wife). Put a sticky note (not a letter) saying YOU keep this I have no need for it. (don't sign it either). That way he knows you want no part in him or anything ABOUT him.
OR if you feel better with the no contact and ignore ignore model, then break the dvd and toss it out. ( I say break it so no one will sit and watch it).
I would also tell people who he calls/talks to (like your cousin) that you would prefer if they wouldn't bring it up if he contacts them. It would be much easier to move on without those "small" interruptions.
What is he playing at? He is playing at getting your attention so he can go back to how things were. Him having 2 ladies in his life. It's ALL about HIM. Now that you are no longer pregnant the "danger" of having to be responsible (at least financially) is over, so you might be fun to have around again.
Do not fall for his games. Ignore him.
Keep going to your counseling.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (31 October 2013):
Ignore it and don't open anything else he sends you.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (31 October 2013):
 i would definitely ignore it. you're doing so great. stick to it. writing him or messaging him back, even if it's to give him a piece of your mind, will only open up the lines of communication again and give him a chance to hurt you all over. or it may open up old wounds again. don't allow that to happen. keep the doors closed. proceed as if none of this ever happened. as if you never got that DVD and as if you never heard that weird comment he made to your cousin. it will be for the best in the long run.
good luck!
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A
male
reader, 11muds11  +, writes (31 October 2013):
You seem like a very very good person and a kind soul so I'm going to answer this differently.Let's look at it from his perspective. What does he have to risk? If his whole family hates you, you were the one they blamed, not him. And he got to be with a beautiful woman with no worries about the future, because he knew there was none.So what does he have to lose to write you? Not much it looks like. And undoubtedly he knows how to get to you, because you're writing to us.I personally would totally ignore it. As I guy, I think he's doing two things. He's expressing his feelings because he still likes you, and/or still likes the things he "gets" from you easily. I think it's way more the second part from the way you described things. But he hasn't at all learned the boundaries of how to be a good person around you, so why should you be good to him?The other way is to write him a total frustration letter and let out your venom. Do not worry at all being nice to him. That way, he'll know there will be consequences if he tries this again. Give it to your counsellor before to check to make sure you're not going to get into more trouble.Either way, he's trying to have his cake and eat it too... so to speak. There have been very few consequences to his terrible actions, and no consequences by writing you now, so to try and be nice to him will only encourage him to do more. And I don't think that's good for anyone.I hope this helps. Good luck.
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