A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need help.....i feel guilty for putting my child father in jail. His jealousy causes him to do crazy things to me. At first I thought his jealous behavior was cut until it ended with property being destroyed. Now we have a pending court case and I feel guilty about it. But I put up with this abuse for years and he just goes on a rampage and does things that will burden me financially, emotionally, and verbally. Since breaking up with him he moved a girl in his home. Not even weeks after, but constantly accused me even when I been faithful. Now he face possible jail time. And I been going to counseling. I find myself... Missing him and still in love with him. Sometimes I want to call or wished I talked to him before everything happened. He did come to me and try to amend things but that's after the fact he did things that was crazy. Please help I been crying off and on for two months
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2013): I'm the original poster...see he told me about him cheating three years ago. Just one month prior to the break up. I told him I was going to cheat on him.... But I have more important things like work and taking care of my kids. After the last break in... I confided in my daughter father. Who contacted him and said now your interfering with her taking care of my child.... Now they exchange words and he seem to attack me more. I was concerned and scared for I'm a single woman who have kids in trying to raise... With this behavior going on. I just was thinking maybe if I told him I wasn't messing around on him during our relationship. But then he was asking about my where about when was not together. He even knew all my whereabouts. I just hate that he might face jail time and be label a felony over his jealousy.then again he was cheating on me for god know how long.i just find myself missing good times and the companionship....and wish things worked out differently. And I made my decision because of my children
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 October 2013):
 And what do you think would have been different had you communicated more?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2013): Guilty for what? Protecting your child and yourself? For not allowing him to abuse you anymore? Asking for help to stop being in the line of his anger and inability to control himself and handle things without violence and abuse? This behavior of his is going to continue and the other girl is going to get the wrath of him too. You might not only be helping yourself and your child, but other women who will fall victim to his abuse down the road. Why do you want to love someone who is so toxic? Why do you want to love someone who is only bringing you down? What kind of roll model are you to be teaching your child that this is okay for people to do? He is going to jail because of the actions HE chose, not what you said or did. When the people being abused allow an abuser back into their life, it gives the abuser more control and a green light to continue the same behaviors.If going to jail is a close rock bottom for him to begin to get help with his anger issues, then it's the best thing for him. Hopefully he will get the help he needs, but you are not helping him by continuing to let him back in your life and allowing your son to grow up in that kind of environment. The kind of life you are living with this man is not love. Loving someone does not hurt, it does not threaten or scare, and it certainly does not land you in jail. Again, that is not love. Continue counseling so you can learn to understand what you are still willing to accept for yourself in this man is not healthy for you or your child.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2013): I just feel like maybe I should. Of communicated to him more...but after my stuff came up missing I knew it was him.i DT keep a lot if company and I don't. Burn bridges
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A
female
reader, Spaghetti +, writes (29 October 2013):
I am going through a similar ituation, where I was in love with an abuive ex boyfriend. My counselor pointed me to read about "TRAUMA BONDING" It is very enlightening.
I advice you to read about it.
I used to think a lot about my abuser, and feel guilty for having an RO against him, but like yours hi jealousy made him insane!!
YOU COULD HAVE HAD SEX IN HIS BED WITH OMEONE ELSE,THIS NEVER EVER EVER EXCUES HIS ACTIONS.
When someone says NO - its NO. Unwanted touching is BATTERY.
You did NOT force him to act like that!!
You need these people away from you.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 October 2013):
IT's not your fault. YOU do not control his behavior.
HE MADE the choice to behave in a manner that put you and your child at risk. He's just being punished for HIS bad choices.
Adults learn there are consequences to their behavior.
The consequence of his breaking the law (and his behavior clearly was breaking the law if he was arrested) is that you suffer the punishment. NOTHING you did caused him to break the law he's an adult and is responsible for his own behavior.
stop feeling guilty.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 October 2013):
 ""My father's child risks jail because of his behavior towards me and I feel guilty!""\
You mean my CHILD's FATHER I assume.
It's NOT your fault he risk jail time, his ACTIONS is what might PUT him in jail.
Putting up with the abuse is not love. Abusing you is not love either.
Keep up with the counseling.
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