A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 13 months now, and I have never loved someone so much before. I recently started my first year of college, and my first job. My motivation was him, it was for our future. He on the other hand wont do anything! he wont go to school, he wont get a job nothing... He says he wants a good future with me, but why isn't he trying? He also always thinks im cheating, or lying to him, I have never ever lied to him or cheated, not even with past boyfriends( and he knows that) and I plan on keeping it that way. We have had plenty of arguments and discussions about this. But its gottin so bad to the point where he asks me something like "Did you really go to school? Did you really go to work? You could easily just call someone and leave." He asks questions along the lines of that on a daily basis,and today I was supposed to ask my professer about an attendance issue I didn't not understand, but I ended up understand after a while so I did not ask her, and after school he says" Since you cant go to your professer I will next class you have!" and its to the point where I feel like im a cheater and a liar when I know for a fact that im not, heck I don't even look at other guys! I don't know what to do... I don't know why hes being like this to me, and when ever I bring it up im the bad guy, and im deffinately a bad guy when I defend myself because hes saying all of these things..( sometimes he'll even do something like get mad at me or question me because I want to take a shower after work, or even take a shower alone)( he acts like im trying to hide something like I went and had sex and need to get rid of the evidence) I just want to know why he wont do anything with his life if he has so many plans for the future just like I do. I don't know how to handle this whole situation anymore. I feel like im being disrespected, used, and attacked... Im tired of feeling like im this "whore" per say when I know im very faithful and always have been.. I need advice on how to handle this situation please!!!
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female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (30 October 2013):
 When a (good) guy is not working they do feel kinda depressed and can become agitated by the lack of prospects… However a smart man always looks to improve himself in the meanwhile and is ready when an opportunity arises. But somehow through this tough period they (the guy) don’t start accusing their partner of cheating and lying etc. That’s another matter initially different!
Pretty much, you have someone who’s insecure about himself, jealous and controlling or a moocher who feeds off your good work ethics. Either way you’re going to go backwards with your studies etc if you allow or accept this sort of behaviour to continue.
It’ll be a waste of time focusing on his lazy lard lizard behaviour as he’s not repairable by you; he needs to see a Specialist… Or get a severe wake-up call – STOP this behaviour now or you’re gone!
Right now, HE HAS a good future with you! Naturally there’s no need for him to find work for these “many plans” of his, as he’s found someone (like you) to do it for him!?
Perhaps you could turn the table around by accusing him of being lazy, using you and being controlling!? Interrogate him about his attendance issue with work and studies and ask, how he thinks these “many plans” of his are going to happen? But I believe that would be futile as he’s a man with a temper, and evidently doesn’t have the same motivation as you :(
Take Care – CAA
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 October 2013):
 You really can't change what he is thinking, because he is trying to pull wool over your eyes - make YOU question yourself instead of questioning him. It's a pretty common tactic. It's like answering a question with a question. You get NO answers.
Tisha and SVC are right, you need to walk away from this relationship, end it and cut the contact.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (30 October 2013):
 His plans for the future need to entail a trip to a therapists office. his behavior is out of hand. you don't owe him a damn thing. You're being faithful and you KNOW you are. In a healthy relationship your partner believes and trusts you. he thinks you're off sleeping around with everyone. There is zero trust. this must be miserable for you.
No one deserves to be treated like that. His behavior needs to change. it is up to you to set the boundaries of what you will and won't put up with. As of right now, you allow him to do this to you. Put your food down. Stop allowing it. Don't defend yourself band justify where you've been. Don't answer his ridiculous questions. That just humors him and his awful behavior. Stop explaining yourself to him. Tell him you're over it.
Tell him if he can't get a grip on his behavior, you will leave him because you known who you are and what you deserve. and you don't deserve that.
Best of luck to you.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (30 October 2013):
 The ONLY way to handle this situation is to leave him. Your love, your devotion, your expressions of faithfulness and honesty, all your positive actions toward him are a complete waste of your time.
He's not listening to you. If he were, he'd have stopped asking those questions. If he's called you a whore then get out now. If he's controlling your actions, your dress, forcing sex on you, then he's an abuser.
LEAVE HIM!
You are dating a loser.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 October 2013):
 what you need to do is leave him dear.
I know what you wanted to hear was ways we could tell you how to get him to trust you and behave the way you want need and expect a boyfriend to behave.
You want THIS man to be the man you WANT and he's not. He's who he is which is a jealous abusive control freak...
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