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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Why do exes try harder with someone else?
Q. I had an ex who turned up blind drunk on a date, with a friend. Then demanded I take them home. Obviously I stopped seeing him after that. Then months later begged me back, stood me up, gloated about his "new life" and kept sending me various ...
A. 13 November 2013: So what made you snoop on facebook if you were so threatened by him? why were you so curious?
... (read in full...)
Defining Friends With Benefits?
Q. I always thought I knew what Friends With Benefits (FWB) meant. As I'm reading more of these questions/answers, I'm beginning to see how wrong I was and how it affected my relationships. I still have some ideas of what I think those things are but ...
A. 12 November 2013: The rules for the stupidity of FWB (formerly called FUCK BUDDIES when I was of that age) is that it's a nice way to say "someone I use for sex" you aren't really friends normally... just folks that have an agreement to get together and scratch ... (read in full...)
I really want to post our relationship on FB, but he's not so keen
Q. (very long story) I was dating this guy a few months back, at the start of the year, we dated on and off throughout the year we kept breaking up for different reasons, girls being the main one.. We got back together about a month ago, I broke up ...
A. 12 November 2013: how does putting it on Facebook "make it official"
does that mean that because my husband does not have a facebook account that my marriage is not official? because all it says for me is "married" I can't say married to someone who is not on f... (read in full...)
There was obvious attraction -- is she letting me down gently?
Q. Quick question How long would you generally leave it before talking to a girl before asking to meet up kind of thing? I was out with a couple of buddies friday night, and one of these guys had his gf out. They don't really speak much on a nig...
A. 12 November 2013: ya know if a guy called me and asked me if i wanted "to chill" (not texting but phone calls) I would assume he was friend zoning me....
IF YOU like a young lady and you want to DATE a young lady then CALL HER and ASK HER FOR A DATE...
... (read in full...)
Haven't been feeling the need to be in a relationship -- is it because of ageing?
Q. Dear Cupid, It's been a while since I fell in love or had that feeling of desire to be with someone. I think it's probably I am in a new enviorement as I moved to a new country. but I miss that feeling of love, attraction, chemistry, and a...
A. 12 November 2013: You said yourself "i'm focusing on work and building my future"
and that in a nutshell is it...
I know this sounds sexist but I've noted that men (in general) cannot handle more than ONE big project at a time.
Women tend to multi-tas... (read in full...)
Should I cut him out of our lives so I can start feeling better again?
Q. Hi. So I had a best friend of 6yrs, we decided to try a relationship late last year. The pill failed me and I fell pregnant barely 2 months into the relationship. We were both very shocked, he wanted me to abort but I couldn't and didn't so he ...
A. 12 November 2013: I know that pills do fail... but I also know that you do need to take it properly and regularly and wait for it to kick in before depending on it.
As for you and the baby daddy... kids survive nicely when the parents get along... even if not ... (read in full...)
Worried that he can't completely let go of his ex
Q. Dear cupid I kind of have a problem. I don't think my boyfriend can completely let go of his ex girlfriend. When we got together he was still missing his ex and not completely over her. He's still basically friends with her. They talk and text ea...
A. 12 November 2013: do they talk and text regularly... do they meet up?
my ex husband and I talk occasionally and we share many friends and we can easily be in a room together... but I don't consider him a FRIEND...
just talking does not mean you will develop fee... (read in full...)
Am I wrong to be angry about the benefit fraud a person close to me is committing?
Q. What would you do if you found out someone you are close too is committing benefit fraud? I completely disagree with people who do this. I believe benefits are for people who are in real need of them. But what I have found out, that this person...
A. 12 November 2013: Nope you are not wrong to be angry. The question is what are you going to do with the anger?
do you plan to make a report? I'm pretty sure you can do it anonymously... then they would be investigated and the truth may be found out...
if not,... (read in full...)
Can't orgasm with women
Q. I've had trouble coming to an orgasm with women. I've been sexually active with two girls.. One we just did oral and the other I've had sex with. When the first girl gave me oral I had trouble reaching orgasm and finally after having to take control ...
A. 12 November 2013: I concur.. a man holds my head while i"m giving oral he stops getting oral...
as for the other issue... yeah you need to totally lay off the masturbation as you have probably gotten use to a firmer hand and rhythm and have to now retrain ... (read in full...)
My first date and he's 8 years older. How do I handle it?
Q. I'm going on a date with a guy who is 8 years older than me. He's 26 and I'm 18. People keep telling me to be more careful and to watch out because he's a lot smoother at manipulation and it'll be easier for him to persuade me to do things. But I...
A. 12 November 2013: He may very well be "that kind of guy" the key is that you are NOT that kind of a girl (posting here says that)
just be yourself and be cool and calm and understand that a MAN of 26 has NEEDS that a young woman of 18 could fill very easily.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is out of town... messages me...then does not read my reply or answer back!
Q. Hi all. I am a bit upset. Not sure if I should be or not. Hope you can give me your opinions. My boyfriend is in the U.S helping his dad get back on his feet following a surgery. He messaged me on Facebook the day after he arrived and he t...
A. 11 November 2013: I never log off of facebook... it's always connected via my phone or my laptop... I show on 24/7
and yes caring for a person after surgery is a full time job and it's very stressful when a person you love is sick or recovering and needs you...... (read in full...)
He's 21. Is that such a big age difference? Will people judge me about the age difference?
Q. I met a lovely young boy who is 21. He is cute and nice. He's trying the best to makes me not feel the age difference. My problem is, do i date him or tell him to find a girlfriend his own age, or can i continue date him because i do love him? I...
A. 11 November 2013: I assume you are 25.... I don't see an issue with it.
I would hope folks don't judge me negatively because when my husband was 21 I was 34.....
... (read in full...)
Is it ok if I want to know everything about my girlfriend? Before proposing?
Q. Im planning to propose to my girlfriend soon, is it ok in wanting to know everything about her and her past? she is the one i want to spend yhe rest if my life. however i suspect theres something shady she doesnt want to talk about and im afraid if ...
A. 11 November 2013: you are already PLANNING on proposing....so that means that what you hear will do what?
what will finding out something undesirable do to your plans?
perhaps you don't know her well enough yet if you are already thinking there is someth... (read in full...)
How do I find a good time to talk to my mother about first time sex?
Q. First, there is a seven year age difference between me and my significant other. I don't care about that, but getting info out of the way. Second, we've been dating for 3 months now. I am 18, he is 25. Things have heated up within this past month,...
A. 7 November 2013: Cindy Cares went to the same school as my mom... who's standard response to me when I brought boyfriends home for overnights was "I do not care what goes on once I'm asleep (at 10 pm) but WHEN I GET UP IN THE MORNING every body better be in their ... (read in full...)
Why do I experience such bad pain during sex?
Q. I'm 27 and I've been sexually active for the last 10 years but I can't explain this. Sex hurts on and off for me. This recent guy I've been seeing it hurts like a knife is going through my vagina sometimes before he even full enters me and other ...
A. 7 November 2013: Pain like that SCREAMS Endometriosis to me.
Please see a gyn for this. It's not normal and you should be mentioning it at your well-woman visits.
At 27 and sexually active you should have a minimum of 9 years of GYN yearly checkups unde... (read in full...)
Why do exes try harder with someone else?
Q. I had an ex who turned up blind drunk on a date, with a friend. Then demanded I take them home. Obviously I stopped seeing him after that. Then months later begged me back, stood me up, gloated about his "new life" and kept sending me various ...
A. 7 November 2013: because he didn't like you as much as the new person
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend and his family complain about everything ALL THE TIME!!
Q. My BF is a whinner. He is all the time stressed up with everything. He complains about money all the time and I feel that I cant ask for anything. When he is stressed he screams,yells,and break things. I try to make him happy and make him feel ...
A. 7 November 2013: Ok so you have listed the things your boyfriend and his family do that bother you.
you've been with him 8 years... they are not going to change
do you want advice on how to leave him
or do you want advice on how to accept that THI... (read in full...)
His reaction to his grandma giving me a gift a concern or not?
Q. Hi all, Wanted some help clarifying how to respond to something that hurt me slightly by my boyfriend of 2.5years. Boyfriends grandma is fairly old now, and I get on with her really well. Lovely lady. at her birthday dinner, i saw her using...
A. 7 November 2013: gawd table hooks for bags are a dime a dozen and folks have given me some for gifts all the time... but that's beside the point
SHE wanted YOU to have it and he took it cause he's got his own issues.
I'd let her know that he took it and... (read in full...)
Any kind words or bits of advice on surviving this breakup?
Q. Hey guys. I'm an regular aunt on this page. I'm in need of some help and kind words myself at this moment. My gf broke up with me a couple of days ago and I'm hurting really badly. She has serious anxiety and has difficulty separating one is...
A. 7 November 2013: I am so sorry you are hurting... and I'm late (been having my own BS in life) to the "party" but my hopes and prayers are with you to be strong.
You are right to NOT take her back and know you need to move on from the drama... that does NO... (read in full...)
We have some obstacles in our sex life, what's the best way to deal with them?
Q. I am a 45 year old male who has a disabled female partner. At the moment, our matress is very soft. We feel that I am far to heavy wwhen it comes to sex. Also, we are cuddling and kissing, but not having much genital sex. What is the best way to ...
A. 7 November 2013: OH FAT SEX... just google it...
sexual positions for fat people
or for the more politically correct: sexual positions for overweight people
http://www.rotunda.com/people/yohannon/fat_position.html
I used to be 300 pounds married to a 50... (read in full...)
My friend and my husband are flrting and texting. Please help!
Q. My friend and my husband have been flirting with each other for some time. Texting each other a lot. Her son is also a friend of my son so the situation is very delicate. I noticed my husband watching her if we were in company and following her ...
A. 6 November 2013: Ruby you said " He said he would stop texting her back and that he loved me and only me"
do you have reason to doubt your husband's word?
if not then you must let him handle it as neither of you have any control over her behavior or her... (read in full...)
Advise on friends with benefits, please. I have no one to talk to about this.
Q. So if you read my previous post some months ago a guy I am very interested in gave me his number, I texted him went out a few times and within a week of going out we became physical. But now am totally heart broken because after our first time tog...
A. 6 November 2013: “but I cling to hope that he might want me as more than a friend (he once told me "you don't know it might lead to something else")”
OP this is THE CLASSIC line boys that want to get laid give to ever hopeful girls…
As for the RULES of FWB… I... (read in full...)
Boys - Should I call him first?
Q. I was abroad for a year when I met a man who I fell for. He left before me - and we both live in the same city but didn't want to do long distance. I recently came back and wrote to him saying it would be nice to catch up. I got an email straight ...
A. 6 November 2013: He has your info.
He said he would come
He did not come that means he's not that interested.
I would just write him off.... (read in full...)
How do you deal with friends with a very different cultural and religious values?
Q. hello, i am in a serious trouble with myself. how do you deal with friends with a very different cultural/religion values between them? i am having a difficult time with it.. i spend time with them (off course they are my friends, so we go for movi...
A. 6 November 2013: you keep them apart.
spend time with the friends you like without the friends that don't like them.
and when your judgmental friends say something you just smile and say "this topic is not open for discussion" and you let it go.
I ... (read in full...)
Should I worry about my boyfriend being friends with this cheater?
Q. My boyfriend is friends with a girl who cheats on her boyfriend with a lot of guys. (she even admits it) I'm not trying to judge her but I feel uncomfortable with her being friends with my boyfriend. I've met her and have been around her. She ...
A. 6 November 2013: if you trust your boyfriend then you have nothing to worry about...
a committed man can be in a room full of naked women coming on to him and all he will say is "no thanks I have a girlfriend"
he may be turned on or flattered but ho... (read in full...)
Help me decode what he meant after the first date.
Q. Just been on a first date, with a nice guy. He said things during the evening about 'if we do get to know each other' making me think he possibly wants to. Then the way it ended was he walked me to my car and said, 'I'll let you stew on it and ...
A. 6 November 2013: yeah I agree he's waiting to see if you want to see him and he's wishy washy about it.
I'm betting if you call he'll see you a few times and figure out if you are going to sleep with him or not. and if you don't I'm betting he'll be gone sooner r... (read in full...)
Missionary out, every other position works?
Q. Okay, so this isn't really an issue, more of a "what the heck is going on" type of situation. quite plainly, when i would have sex with my boyfriend in the missionary position, it would hurt. the odd thing is, it would hurt only around the botto...
A. 6 November 2013: some positions work better than others depending on the couple.
it's not a reflection on you or on him... and if you have other positions that work then go for it and don't worry that ONE position does not work...
I realize that the ke... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is keeping track of our sex life online. What should I do?
Q. I saw on my boyfriends computer history a site to [site url removed per site guidelines]. Curious, I checked further and he has gone to the site several times. [Name removed] is an online site that keeps track of your sex life, the dates you had ...
A. 6 November 2013: While I tend to note activity such as that in my PERSONAL journal, keeping it online and the "with whom" is beyond creepy.... it's belt notching at it's finest.
ewwww...... (read in full...)
My new boyfriend is depressed and cuts people, including me, off. What should I do?
Q. Okay so I don't know what's going on. A few weeks ago I started dating my boyfriend. Everything was going well, and we were both so into each other, but all of the sudden, one night he started acting distant and funny towards not just me, but ...
A. 5 November 2013: If you are not willing to leave his side, then you must prepare for the roller coaster ride that will be your life with him.
Just because you have walked in his shoes and are going to be in the field does not mean you can help him. Doctors ... (read in full...)
He wants to meet in person but I'm afraid
Q. I've recently met this guy online who is 8 years older then me. I like him soo much but we haven't met in person yet. On my profile I have pictures of my face not my body, he hasn't asked me for a picture of my body yet and the one that I do ha...
A. 5 November 2013: meet him sooner... get it over with...
and 30 pounds... some folks won't even notice that difference....
... (read in full...)
People tell me I should get to know him but something about him makes me uneasy
Q. Why do I feel strange round this older man? There is a man I have recently met (few weeks) and everyone seems to love him he is charming, a great speaker, and in his 40s but for some reason I just don't feel comfortable around him, I hate it when I ...
A. 5 November 2013: ALWAYS trust your gut....
... (read in full...)
Husband had an affair and then tells me "I chose you". What does that mean?
Q. Hello, To the ladies out there, if a man had an "affair" and you only finds out about a couple of years later, and he says to you, "I chose you, didn't I?" How would you perceive that? To the men, what exactly do you mean by uttering those w...
A. 5 November 2013: it means she gave him an ultimatum to leave you or she was leaving and he opted to stay with you. it was probably cheaper and easier to stay with you and let her sulk and leave than divorce you and be with her.
but I'm in a rather negative moo... (read in full...)
His ex wife is so much more attractive than me!
Q. His ex wife is so much more attractive than me! I'm seeing a man whose been divorced about 4 years. His ex is remarried and they have a very amicable relationship (they share children). His ex wife is very pretty and it makes me feel very...
A. 5 November 2013: there is so much more to being attractive than how you look.
how you feel about yourself has more power than any amount of makeup or push up wonder bra.. although those things do help some folks...
NOTE that she is his ex wife and that says a ... (read in full...)
Is it OK for a former addict to still smoke pot once in a while?
Q. My boyfriend has a heavy past of drug use. He started at age 16 with pot and it quickly escalated into pretty much every type of drugs and a 4 year addiction to heroin in his 20s. He's 32 now and I've only known him clean. The only thing he still ...
A. 5 November 2013: Most folks I know who are awesome in their recovery do not use any drugs of any kind, including some legal pain meds.
POT is psychologically addicting but not physically addicting... and I do not buy the whole "gateway" drug argument abo... (read in full...)
Should I text him again today?
Q. Ok I met this guy on Friday night in a bar. He was visibly very nervous about approaching me and even nearly walked away out of embarrassment but I was smiling at him and encouraging him to continue talking to me. Then we actually hit it off ...
A. 5 November 2013: texts are piggybacked on other data packets on a network... sometimes TEXTS do not go through.
i strongly encourage folks to NOT have relationships via text for just this reason... I had an incident a few weeks back with my son who never replied ... (read in full...)
Need advice on a connection I made online that's got messy please.
Q. This may be long but please bear with me I really need some insight from everyone. So I'll start with I'm a 28 y/o lesbian and about four months ago I did the whole online dating profile thing and found a young lady who seemed more or less interest...
A. 5 November 2013: Sometimes it takes a while for them to get the message.... keep ignoring her.
... (read in full...)
How do I find a good time to talk to my mother about first time sex?
Q. First, there is a seven year age difference between me and my significant other. I don't care about that, but getting info out of the way. Second, we've been dating for 3 months now. I am 18, he is 25. Things have heated up within this past month,...
A. 4 November 2013: you are 18 you have no need to talk to your mother about sex or birth control.. what goes on in your life is YOUR choice. YOU do not need your mothers permission or blessing to be sexual with your boyfriend.
WHY in the world does your mother n... (read in full...)
He takes ages to reply to my messages!
Q. I'm currently dating this guy and have been for a few months...we see each other only about twice a week as we both work full time. During the time we don't see each other we message. But my problem is that 80% of the time he won't respond to...
A. 4 November 2013: texting is no way to have a conversation. we use it for things like "running late be there in 15" or such.
My husband HATES texting... if this guy you are with hates texting with everyone then your answer is that he hates to text and tha... (read in full...)
Who should I go for? My fiance William or my soul mate Andy?
Q. I am at a relationship crossroads. I met my college sweetheart "Andy" when I was 18. We were friends for a year, and then dated for 3 and had planned to marry someday. We had typical young love problems and broke up when we graduated. He went to ...
A. 4 November 2013: No matter what happens with Andy please let William go NOW.. do not drag it out for him as it will be more and more painful every day that you do.
two years is not forever... and maybe you and Andy can take them one day at a time and see how... (read in full...)
I'm 33 and need to make up my mind on whether to have a baby or not?
Q. Hey! I've just turned 33 and I have a good life. I own my house, have great permanent job, I'm married to the love of my life and have no financial worries. So, it's smooth sailing. Thing is, I'm getting old and I must make up my mind whether to ...
A. 4 November 2013: I had my kids young (24 and 26) and I don't regret it now... it was hard but then I was a very different person then...
older moms have less energy but I think more patience and better ability to give of themselves brain wise but physical... (read in full...)
Best friend and I like the same man!
Q. I'm having a major love crisis. One of my best friends likes a guy and she has liked him longer than I have. Apparently I like him to and he likes me back. I haven't told her yet and I have talked to other people I trust and I have gotten different ...
A. 4 November 2013: FRIENDS are harder to come by than lovers.
NEVER let a man come between you and a good girlfriend...... (read in full...)
I'm afraid of the reaction I'll get if I tell my boyfriend I love him
Q. Hi, my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year. His name is Jamie. I feel like I'm ready to tell him that I love him. I still get butterflies like when we first met. I feel so comfortable with him. He lets me fart in front of him and ...
A. 4 November 2013: I remember realizing I was falling in love with my then boyfriend... (and honey I'm not young) and I was NOT happy about it. I certainly did NOT want to tell him...
I can see it clear as day.. the two of us standing and talking about how we f... (read in full...)
Need advice on a connection I made online that's got messy please.
Q. This may be long but please bear with me I really need some insight from everyone. So I'll start with I'm a 28 y/o lesbian and about four months ago I did the whole online dating profile thing and found a young lady who seemed more or less interest...
A. 4 November 2013: your mistake was in being nice to her once you knew there was no attraction there... she thinks there is just because you are being nice.
I agree with letting her know you are no longer interested in any friendship or contact with her...
ju... (read in full...)
My new boyfriend is depressed and cuts people, including me, off. What should I do?
Q. Okay so I don't know what's going on. A few weeks ago I started dating my boyfriend. Everything was going well, and we were both so into each other, but all of the sudden, one night he started acting distant and funny towards not just me, but ...
A. 4 November 2013: I suffer mental illness... ADHD, depression, whatever... I also suffer a marriage to an unstable man....
3 weeks in... you can't fix this... I'm going to also suggest that you leave now while you still can.
I am not going to give you long rea... (read in full...)
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