A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my bf have been together a couple of months. WE moved in together already. People think it was to fast but we are happy and in love. We work together sometimes too so we spend most of our time together.I met my bf when he first came back to the city after spending time in rehab. He was abused as a child by his family member and when he got older he got heavy into drugs. When I met him he was still smoking pot daily but has since quit.My bf treats me so good, like nobody ever has before. The other people in my life don't think he is good for me. When I met him he had no place to live and no job, he barely had any clothes. I got him a job a place to live and he is getting his shit together. I guess people question things cause we are so different. I want to go to university, my bf hasn't even graduated high school. I want a home, a car, he is wearing my clothes and spending his paycheques on stupid things. People say they think he is using me.My question in, do you think the fact that he treats me so well is a good reason for this relationship to work? If I am willing to overlook all the other stuff, and his baggage hasn't surfaced in the realationship (people say it eventually will). We love each other, spend every minute together and I haven't gotten tired of being with him at all. We are both 20's.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (30 October 2013):
 The problem is that you have not seen him in stress...
Addicts are told NOT to get into a relationship for ONE year into recovery. He's not even 1 month into recovery.
How in the world can you say he treats you so good if you are the one supporting him?
He's eating your food
sleeping in your bed
and wearing your clothes.
he then spends his money from his paycheck on stuff HE wants.
WHAT IS HE CONTRIBUTING TO THE RUNNING OF THE HOUSEHOLD?
you sound very co-dependent and that you need someone to take care of... this is not a good thing....
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (30 October 2013):
 Perhaps love is enough. However, I suspect once the honeymoon phase wears off, you will most likely grow tired of his childish behaviors and desire more.
Ideally, he will change and learn to stand on his own two feet. However, what incentive does he have when he has you who takes care of everything for him? It enables him to get away with it.
Ultimately, for the two of you to have a fully functioning relationship; one that is truly healthy, he needs to learn to take care of his responsibilities. You are not his father. you are his boyfriend. A lifetime of babysitting WILL get old. It might not right now, but it will over the course of time and years if you stay together.
Perhaps you can help teach him to grow. Maybe he can learn healthy spending habits and spend his money on clothes and bills. But you can't blame your friends for their concern. After all, what would you say if you were in their shoes?
I know you love him. His behavior can't carry on. It will inevitably cause your break up. Maybe not now but down the road
...............................
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (30 October 2013):
Perhaps love is enough. However, I suspect once the honeymoon phase wears off, you will most likely grow tired of his childish behaviors and desire more.
Ideally, he will change and learn to stand on his own two feet. However, what incentive does he have when he has you who takes care of everything for him? It enables him to get away with it.
Ultimately, for the two of you to have a fully functioning relationship; one that is truly healthy, he needs to learn to take care of his responsibilities. You are not his father. you are his boyfriend. A lifetime of babysitting WILL get old. It might not right now, but it will over the course of time and years if you stay together.
Perhaps you can help teach him to grow. Maybe he can learn healthy spending habits and spend his money on clothes and bills. But you can't blame your friends for their concern. After all, what would you say if you were in their shoes?
I know you love him. His behavior can't carry on. It will inevitably cause your break up. Maybe not now but down the road
...............................
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