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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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My new boyfriend is depressed and cuts people, including me, off. What should I do?
Q. Okay so I don't know what's going on. A few weeks ago I started dating my boyfriend. Everything was going well, and we were both so into each other, but all of the sudden, one night he started acting distant and funny towards not just me, but ...
A. 5 November 2013: If you are not willing to leave his side, then you must prepare for the roller coaster ride that will be your life with him.
Just because you have walked in his shoes and are going to be in the field does not mean you can help him. Doctors ... (read in full...)
Need advice on a connection I made online that's got messy please.
Q. This may be long but please bear with me I really need some insight from everyone. So I'll start with I'm a 28 y/o lesbian and about four months ago I did the whole online dating profile thing and found a young lady who seemed more or less interest...
A. 5 November 2013: Sometimes it takes a while for them to get the message.... keep ignoring her.
... (read in full...)
I'm afraid of the reaction I'll get if I tell my boyfriend I love him
Q. Hi, my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year. His name is Jamie. I feel like I'm ready to tell him that I love him. I still get butterflies like when we first met. I feel so comfortable with him. He lets me fart in front of him and ...
A. 4 November 2013: I remember realizing I was falling in love with my then boyfriend... (and honey I'm not young) and I was NOT happy about it. I certainly did NOT want to tell him...
I can see it clear as day.. the two of us standing and talking about how we f... (read in full...)
Boyfriend says I am asking him to chose between me and knowledge!
Q. I just told my boyfriend it bothers me that he is constantly either on his computer, his iPad (which I bought him) or watching TV. And his answer was that he's like that because he's constantly seeking knowledge and that I'm basically asking him to ...
A. 4 November 2013: Dear OP,
I lived 2 hours away from my boyfriend the first year we were together. We had only weekends together.. and during that time early on we both gave up computers, and individual pursuits… if we watched TV it was together… Once we moved... (read in full...)
How do I say goodbye to my teacher/crush
Q. I am a male sophmore 16 years old in southern california and i am upset because my english teacher 23 yrs old(teacher in training) is leaving beacause she has completed her training. She is extremley attracitive and even called me her best freind no ...
A. 4 November 2013: Well if you are so sure she would love to hang out with you (and risk losing her job and her livelihood and chosen profession) go ahead and give her the note.
IF she is wise she will be flattered and that will be the end of it... then you can... (read in full...)
Is this "friendship" break doable or should we take a real break to reevaluate our relationship?
Q. My boyfriend and I are taking a friendship break (a break from our relationship, not talk except the day we would hang out once a week as friends, and not see other people) Hopefully for not more than 2 weeks. We love each, but fight a lot. So he ...
A. 4 November 2013: "taking a break" is the beginning of the end...
you don't get BREAKS in life, you don't get breaks when relationships are hard and struggling you either work to fix them or you ignore them... but a BREAK fixes nothing.
if you are fighting all... (read in full...)
Need advice on a connection I made online that's got messy please.
Q. This may be long but please bear with me I really need some insight from everyone. So I'll start with I'm a 28 y/o lesbian and about four months ago I did the whole online dating profile thing and found a young lady who seemed more or less interest...
A. 4 November 2013: your mistake was in being nice to her once you knew there was no attraction there... she thinks there is just because you are being nice.
I agree with letting her know you are no longer interested in any friendship or contact with her...
ju... (read in full...)
I'm having trouble accepting her story about this "friend"
Q. Hi. I have a situation where I need an objective opinion before I act with too much haste and ruin everything. I have been with my fiancée for a little over two years now and I thought everything was going great up until about a week ago. S...
A. 4 November 2013: I read as far as her second "got furious" and I know all I need to know..
she's LYING to you... there is WAY more going on that friends and she's getting angry as a defense move to throw you off track.
you are NOT over reacting
you are no... (read in full...)
My new boyfriend is depressed and cuts people, including me, off. What should I do?
Q. Okay so I don't know what's going on. A few weeks ago I started dating my boyfriend. Everything was going well, and we were both so into each other, but all of the sudden, one night he started acting distant and funny towards not just me, but ...
A. 4 November 2013: I suffer mental illness... ADHD, depression, whatever... I also suffer a marriage to an unstable man....
3 weeks in... you can't fix this... I'm going to also suggest that you leave now while you still can.
I am not going to give you long rea... (read in full...)
Is my husband picking up vibes between me and another man?
Q. The other day, my husband and I got together with a couple for dinner. I know the couple well enough, and my husband was meeting them officially for the first time. To make a long story short, I have shared a "look" with the husband of this other ...
A. 4 November 2013: the key is your hubby say "you always talk about this guy like he's something"
he's not picking up on a vibe... he's listening to what you are saying both in words and intent... YOU have a crush on someone and it's showing....
... (read in full...)
Was there veritas in his vino?
Q. Okay so this isn't a really major one but last night I went to a nightclub with my mates, then one of the guys who I've know for about a year (we don't really text or anything) well he's jut got a job which will mean he is living abroad for sixth ...
A. 4 November 2013: well he's only gone for 6 months and it's way too early to think it's more than just the whole "i'm leaving for a bit" type of thing...
it's much safer to say things knowing that time and distance will make them fade.
the fact that you... (read in full...)
He says he's confused about whether he wants to be in a relationship
Q. Ok, so I have this best friend, we were friends for about a year and then we became really close friends for about another year. Then we started dating and we really liked each other. We were going out for like 4 months.. then he went a bit cold and ...
A. 4 November 2013: my "first boyfriend" was my best girlfriend's brother... 40 years later I can't go to her family events because I don't want to face the family that knows I lost my virginity in their house to a boy that never loved me...
you sound very much li... (read in full...)
Am I Becoming A Chronic Masturbater? Am I Normal?
Q. This year has been a year that has been a bad year for my sexual desire, Last summer i use to masturbate around every 2 days or so, i use to do it every night and i never felt bad about it after it, until now. When i gain a orgasm from it which ...
A. 4 November 2013: you should do it as often as you need to for release.
If it's NOT impacting on work/school/social life then it's not too much.
I'm female and there were days in the past (i'm 53 now so it's not as common) where i would do it 2 or 3 times a... (read in full...)
My boyfriend isn't able to cum by vaginal sex. Why?
Q. My bf is very sexually aggressive and likes to dominate and humiliate me sexually and that's okay with me. The thing that bothers me though is that he only ejaculates if I stimulate him orally for over 30 minutes or if we do anal. Why that? He is ...
A. 4 November 2013: It's NOT you... how much porn does he watch? how often does he masturbate?
sounds like he's a porn kind of guy and if he's used to pleasuring himself, then "normal" vanilla sex is not going to do it for him.
we had an issue such as this wh... (read in full...)
What should be my next step in talking to this girl?
Q. allright guys, so my question here is kind of a simple one, how do i keep going? so i recently met a girl on the debate team for my high school, we're both sophomores, and it was the first time i ever talked to her. now normally i wouldn't have a ...
A. 4 November 2013: at 13-15 I don't think a coffee/drink date is common...
send her a text that says "good morning" and if she responds well.... then I would CALL HER and talk to her...
she's just another person you like... maybe then you can plan to do ... (read in full...)
How can I explain my birth defect to girls?
Q. Hey everyone So heres my situation...I was born with a birth defect of my hands where a few of my fingers are shorter and honestly I'm comfortable enough with myself where I can admit it's weird and not a turn on for girls...it's gotten me denied b...
A. 4 November 2013: "where do you work" 'i'm not working I'm in school right now but I'm planning to work in the criminal justice field"
as for your "disability", I'm friends with a guy who has a similar "disability" we are gamers so we are putting our h... (read in full...)
I sleep with him and he ignores me. Am I just a one night stand?
Q. So, a few weeks ago I was meeting up with this guy a few times a week. We met at a Bridal Fair so you can imagine my excitement at finally meeting a nice guy. Anyway, we met up to see movies at the cinema, grab food, etc. Then on one occasion we ...
A. 4 November 2013: perhaps he realized after your night at his place that there was no real chemistry and instead of being an adult and saying "hey it's not going to work out" he just fell off the face of the earth because HE WAS DONE and it was easier FOR HIM.
... (read in full...)
He acts like he wants me to be jealous, but does he?
Q. My co-worker was a friend before starting working for same company, we don't work in the same program most of the time but on the occasions we have met up he always hugs me hello and goodbye. we had one sexual encounter. he tells me that he likes ...
A. 4 November 2013: it doesn't mean anything serious.
You have had sex with him ONCE... you are an older women... therefore you are a NOTCH on his "cougar" belt...
he's not into you and he doesn't care how you feel.
LET IT GO.... (read in full...)
He has made me so angry! How can I make myself calm down?
Q. I am so angry and don't know were to begin with this....I will explain as best I can so please be patient... my boyfriend has an ex wife and two kids of 15 and 17. I am finding it hard to trust him lately as he keeps going out for hours and I get ...
A. 4 November 2013: I agree 100% with WiseOwle that the person you are really angry with is yourself. And that's OK.
the fact that you have allowed this man to mooch off of you for god knows how long is frustrating...
the fact that he's using you with your ... (read in full...)
How can girls be good enough to have sex with but not good enough to date?
Q. There is this guy and I really really like him and he talks to me all the time and is really sweet to me and also he's so good looking. I have known him for a very long time but we hadnt talked for over a year then he finally started talking to me ...
A. 4 November 2013: If men will "sleep" with a fleshlight or a blow up doll imagine how happy they are to have a live living breathing penis holder available at their beck and call.
You are wondering if there will ever be anything other than come over, eat some din... (read in full...)
My boss/manager is so hot! What do I do?
Q. Okay so I started a new job and the guy who interviewed me was so hot. It just so happens that he is the manager, head hancho in charge if the top top people aren't there, and MY department manager In the department store. I always see him a...
A. 4 November 2013: Well you have a crush on your boss/manager. It's a hard spot to be in even if he's single and available to you.
I would still be very cautious about getting intimately involved with a co-worker and esp. the boss.... if it does not work out... (read in full...)
My ldr has a more intimate relationship with his ex
Q. My boyfriend and I recently became long distance as I had to move to another city. He would call me daily but only to tell me his itinerary of the day. There are no emotions, nothing romantic, its very repetitive and predictable. We are good when we ...
A. 4 November 2013: So this LDR is now permanent? How far apart are you? Are there weekends together or is it too far? What’s the plan to end the distance? How long are you two together? If there are no plans to end the distance and you two have been together over ... (read in full...)
Is dripping in sweat normal when you both have sex together??
Q. My boyfriend and I are dripping in sweat when we have sex together. I mean, it is as if somebody sprayed a hose on both of us. Dripping wet in tons and tons of sweat!! Lol Is this NORMAL at all? And... we usually fog up all the windows ...
A. 4 November 2013: people who sweat well are usually rather athletic and their bodies have learned to cool themselves properly.
sounds pretty nice to me... stop worrying and ENJOY!... (read in full...)
Do I have feelings for him or is it just sexual?
Q. hi I met this guy twice and I have never felt this way about anyone. we met at a convention last year and not the best of first impressions I was extremely attracted to him and slightly drunk. my first words your stunning and that's how it started ! ...
A. 4 November 2013: "we were texting but it just died out"
key component to any relationship is the ability to sustain a conversation.
If you can't manage to talk.. there will only be sex.... not a good relationship.
you are freshly out of a relationship and th... (read in full...)
We've been having NSA sex and I'm confused
Q. Female, 17. Soooo...there's this guy and we've been having sex on and off (no strings attached) for about a year and some change. I know he's having sex with other people...and I'm not. It kind of makes me jealous that he can just go around having ...
A. 4 November 2013: I personally think that FWB/NSA belongs in the realm of divorced adults not teens or young 20 something adults. And I rarely think that young women are capable of being as detached as FWB/NSA calls for.
That being said, you are already ... (read in full...)
Why did my friend behave this way?
Q. Why does this girl behave this way? So I have this friend she's been calling me her best friend for years and a few months ago she has been hanging out with this girl and she sees her more than me. She never let me see her niece but she's ...
A. 4 November 2013: well it sounds like you both have outgrown each other. It happens... especially around your age.
you say you are hurt... what hurts... if she's not left her house for two years.. it sounds very much like a one way relationship...
are you hur... (read in full...)
What goes through a 16 year old girl's head? I'm 21 and not sure
Q. Hello everyone(: So there's this girl, she's 16 Then there's me, I'm 21. One day on Facebook she posted a sad status about how her ex done her wrong so I messaged her and told her to keep her head up because one day she would find a guy who would ...
A. 4 November 2013: Age of consent only applies if both parties are under age 18.
but if one party is legally an adult (say age 21) and one party is 16 (say a young lady with a crush on an adult)
then the age gap of 5 years would render the adult beyond age of co... (read in full...)
Does this mean she wants a threesome?
Q. Hey guys and gals I am new here and just have a question about my sex life with my girlfriend I was wondering I can get your thoughts on. I have been with my girlfriend for 6 years now. Shes the mother of my two kids 4 and 7 months. Been through...
A. 2 November 2013: She's doing it cause you offer it and it makes you hot to think that she thinks it's another guy...
doesn't mean she wants a threesome.... (read in full...)
Do guys care if a woman looks crappy after having sex?
Q. Question. Do guys get turned off when a girl looks like a great, big mess after having sex? She starts out looking killer but then her hair looks like this big frizzy mop from hell, mascara smudged all over her face... Etc. How do guys feel...
A. 2 November 2013: nope they don't care... all their brains have exited their body after sex...
once he's snoring get up and wash and clean up...
... (read in full...)
Should I cut my really long hair because my boyfriend likes short hair?
Q. I have really long hair. Myboyfriend an i really love each other. but he likes hair short so he is asking me to cut them. should i do what he says. i cant make up my mind but i do want to make him happy...
A. 2 November 2013: i have had long hair
I have had uber short hair
i have had red hair
i have had curly hair
i have had straight hair
I sound like a dr seuss book... but hair on women is SO changeable..
IF you like your hair long, DO NOT cut it.. may... (read in full...)
How can I be sure our relationship won't just turn into a FWB?
Q. I wrote earlier in the week and got some great responses. So thank u.My original post was about a guy ive been seeing for 2 months. We got into a huge fight (started by me) about being more committed. I flipped out on him and he told me it was done. ...
A. 2 November 2013: bottom line... your radar is up that you are now stuck with FWB with him.
if you sleep with him yeah that's probably what's going to happen.
to make sure it's NOT FWB.. you have to NOT have sex with him.
start from scratch... let him chas... (read in full...)
How do I deal with childlessness issues?
Q. How do I deal with childlessness issues? Especially the qustion "why haven't I had any"? I'm single and don't have any fertility issues - I've just never met a guy who wanted to get that serious with me. My chances of conceiving a child ha...
A. 2 November 2013: HUGS OP... some folks are SO RUDE and think that any topic is their business...
Over here we have a program called Big Brothers and Big Sisters... its' for folks to be a positive adult role model in the life a child of the same sex who does not... (read in full...)
Thin or curvy?
Q. I am in my late 20 s and have a 5 year old son. I was very thin when I got married 112 lb with 5.4 height. I was always getting attention from guys, though was called skinny sometimes. Now after divorce and my pregnancy I gained 25 lb. I am not o...
A. 2 November 2013: OP,
I'm 53 years old now. I'm also a lovely 5'2" I used to weight nearly 300 pounds and wore a size 24/26 and still got lots of attention from men.
I had gastric bypass and got down to what for me was a scrawny size 4 and did not get a lo... (read in full...)
Thin or curvy?
Q. I am in my late 20 s and have a 5 year old son. I was very thin when I got married 112 lb with 5.4 height. I was always getting attention from guys, though was called skinny sometimes. Now after divorce and my pregnancy I gained 25 lb. I am not o...
A. 1 November 2013: Sageoldguy forgot what many men say "Bone is for the dog MEAT in for the man"
totally depends on POV.
I'm a woman who prefers my men and women a bit "thick" as it's called around here. ... (read in full...)
Thin or curvy?
Q. I am in my late 20 s and have a 5 year old son. I was very thin when I got married 112 lb with 5.4 height. I was always getting attention from guys, though was called skinny sometimes. Now after divorce and my pregnancy I gained 25 lb. I am not o...
A. 1 November 2013: I was very obese. I had gastric bypass and lost a lot of weight.
I got down to a slender (no fat on me) size 6 can't go by my weight because I looked like I weighed 110 and folks including doctors were shocked by how much I did weigh.
I sub... (read in full...)
Boyfriend told me that another girl is flirting with him?
Q. Some background info: I've been with my boyfriend for 6 months. I have had a bad past with boyfriends and have been abused and cheated on so it was very hard for me to trust my current boyfriend at first but he understands and he has earned my ...
A. 1 November 2013: the fact that he was afraid you would get mad says a lot.
it's not his fault he's attractive to other women... it just says you have good taste in men.
do you NOT trust HIM? as long as you trust HIM what THEY (the other girls) do does NOT m... (read in full...)
Why are these girls at college being so mean?
Q. Hi there, I'm looking for some advice regarding girls I am at college with we are all between 24-26. But I have came on crying the last few weeks. I am a single mum my daughters father was abusive to me and I found support through the church as I ...
A. 1 November 2013: If these girls at school do not attend church or have children they are in a very different place than you are even if they are the same age.
I think it's just that you and the college girls are in different places in your lives and it does not... (read in full...)
My friends girlfriend is cheating on him... Do I tell him?
Q. This is a bit of a strange one. And to some it might sound bad on my part. I want to try to set the scene so everyone has a better understanding. A few years ago my next door neighbour moved in with his girlfriend. We both stay in semi detach...
A. 1 November 2013: I think you should stay out of it.
he knows things are bad...and it sounds like you are friendly neighbors not neighbors who are friends...
... (read in full...)
My friend expects me to do sexual things that I am not ready to do!
Q. Okay so my guy friend talks about having oral sex with me and he wants me to squirt on him and I am nervous because I don't want to have sex with him if we are not married. We went out only one time and with my ex- boyfriends they never put that ...
A. 1 November 2013: dump this guy... he's a tool without a shed.
as for saying he's STD free... I'm the queen of england. there i SAID it it must be true.
always offer your bloodwork results when they offer theirs.
my now hubby and I had bloodwork when w... (read in full...)
Sacrificed friends to the relationship and now have no one to confide in
Q. Hello aunts and uncles. I have found myself in a situation that I'm sure is common but I feel a little trapped and sad at the moment so some advice would be good. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years now, and during that time most of my girlf...
A. 1 November 2013: when my first marriage broke up I felt all alone and friendless as we had all "couple" friends...
I went to a woman's support group meeting.. just to see what was going on... this was 1989. I met a woman... to this day she is my BFF and I wo... (read in full...)
Is there a link between impulsiveness and cheating?
Q. Just a quick, general question. Do you guys think there is a link between impulsive behavior and cheating? My bf has never struck me as a cheater and I've been with him for quite some time now. He has never seemed in the least bit shady. however, he ...
A. 1 November 2013: I have severe ADHD and part of that is severe "impulsivity". I have never cheated on anyone in my life.... (read in full...)
I really want him to make the next move ...
Q. I met a guy about a month ago on a dating site and I have been a little unsure about him because he has some insecurity issues and trust issues. But then again I do too, but I am in therapy for it. I think about him every day. We went out on one ...
A. 1 November 2013: if he's already being overly sexual then the only thing he probably wants is to get laid.
also if you spend more time texting or talking on the phone than getting together he's a time waster plain and simple.
I'd cut my losses and move on.... (read in full...)
All I want is a cuddle but if I ask it'll start another fight
Q. I just feel confused at the moment, distant and not sure what it is i'm thinking. I haven't seen my girlfriend for about three weeks now and everyday it just feels like she hates me at times. She has a lot of Uni work on at the moment so i can ...
A. 1 November 2013: Ok so you are with a distant woman who lies to you, does things you don’t want her to do, calls you names, belittles you and picks fights.
When you try to have an adult conversation with her about how you feel she shuts down on you and goes run... (read in full...)
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