A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Some background info: I've been with my boyfriend for 6 months. I have had a bad past with boyfriends and have been abused and cheated on so it was very hard for me to trust my current boyfriend at first but he understands and he has earned my trust; he's never really given me any reasons not to trust him and he has never lied to me. In fact, a couple months ago I was feeling insecure and I looked through his texts (I realize this is wrong and I regret doing it). There was only one conversation with a girl, and she was flirting with him. He responded by saying "Sorry I have a girlfriend who I love, she's just like me and I think we are gonna last a long time" and ten he never texted her again. After seeing that I felt really guilty for looking through his phone and I never did it ever again.But today we were walking and holding hands and he said "Don't get mad" and I said "What" and then he told me that there is a girl in one of his classes that calls him cute a lot. Of course I got mad and I let go of his hand. He got sad and was like "Nooo" and he grabbed my hand again. I didn't get super mad at him but I feel weird about it. My friend said that I should be thankful that he told me but I still feel weird. Why would he even tell me that? I feel like if he didn't care that she was flirting with him, he wouldn't say anything about it. I don't know how to react to this or if I should worry about it or not. Thanks for your answers.
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male
reader, CMMP +, writes (1 November 2013):
I second SVC's response.
Either trust him or don't. But don't say you trust him and treat him like he's lying to you.
Remember this: jealousy, snooping, etc will not prevent cheating, it'll only weaken your relationship and make your insecurity worse.
Tell yourself that you are going to trust him until he gives you a good reason not to. If he violates your trust, move on. There are more than enough guys in the world to not be devastated by the actions of one.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2013): You really need to get over it. He was honest so that you wouldn't find out through someone else. It's not his fault people flirt with him. And checking his phone, really? Sorry but if my girlfriend did that, it would be over with
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 November 2013):
 the fact that he was afraid you would get mad says a lot.
it's not his fault he's attractive to other women... it just says you have good taste in men.
do you NOT trust HIM? as long as you trust HIM what THEY (the other girls) do does NOT matter. a man who is committed to one woman (as your BF is) can not be swayed by naked dancing girls...
he told you probably because he did not want you to hear something second hand from someone else... he was wise to tell you.
Now I think you posted before about him.. you seem very insecure about this relationship. why do you think that is.
BTW your over reactions (I dropped his hand etc) is going to be the death of your relationship if you are not careful.
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