A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This may be long but please bear with me I really need some insight from everyone. So I'll start with I'm a 28 y/o lesbian and about four months ago I did the whole online dating profile thing and found a young lady who seemed more or less interesting. After a few weeks of talking with her over the phone she wanted to meet. I however did not. The reason was because there was so much turbulance with us. I wasn't attracted to her at all physically or intellectually, and that was very important to me. Not to mention she did not have a car (or wasn't suppose to drive not legal related) she did not have her own place and her only job was at one of the Popular american fast food chains. I wasn't impressed with all this to say the least. I was honest and told her how I felt. She went on and tried acting more intellectually although i never meant to insult her. Im just attracted to females with intellect, ambitition, and beauty among other things. Fast forward she told me she has some tickets relating to spending that is due soon. At this point I've only known this lady a good month and I don't dish out gold to people. She never asked me for money but she kept hinting at the fact that she needs money and she has no one to give it to her or no way of getting it. She said I should not worry bc she will probably go to jail and will I wait for her.This is all too much for me. Jail. I already have zero attraction to her and what we were doing at that point were just being cool, like just friends. She ended up getting fired from her job unfortunately, it was unrelated to the tickets. Although she did have someone to pay money to prior to going to court (i never inquired). So she goes to court and all a sudden I get a phone call while I'm at work and she is locked up. She asked for my address and I give it to her. And a week later I receive letters saying her ex gf is trying to take her from her daughter. The rumors her ex is accusing her of are false (I'm told). I thought she would only be in jail long enough to pay off her fines, thats what they do in my state. Well, I did my own research and I found out she will be in jail or prison until 2/9/16.She calls me a lot, however cell phones only get one complimentary free call and the subsequent calls you have to pay for on your phone bill. I havent written her back any letters bc i just got hired with the states DOC and i dont want to ruin my state job. I dont even know if its legal for me in my position to write her. Prior to her going to jail I worked for the city and not the state, just recently I've been blessed with this job and im not sure if I should be visiting/writing inmates esp if she may be transferred to my facility. I need advice on how to proceed with this matter. Also in one of her letters she talked about building a stronger friendship with me while incarcerated and working on a relationship. I, in no way want a relationship with her. Advice pls
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at work, ex girlfriend, her ex, in jail, lesbian, money Reply to this Question
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female
reader, tendersmile  +, writes (5 November 2013):
 you have to question yourself on why you have allowed it to linger on even when u are not interested sympathy if that is then it should not be at the cost of something u are giving her. and again messing your mind about it is a wastage of time as well...so why are u still thinking about it??? just stop it change ur number and address if possible and concentrate on ur life do not look for distractions or escapes like these that have a potential to create an unnecessary drama in your life, for no reason.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 November 2013):
 Sometimes it takes a while for them to get the message.... keep ignoring her.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 November 2013):
 Either find a way to block that number or change your phone number.
And just stop talking to her. I'm sure she will find someone else to drain the life out of and waste their time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2013): I am the poster. My concern is I will have to pay a monthly fee of 5.99 per mo to receive a call from jail to my cell phone. I didn't want to add that on my cell phone bc im sure she will call 3/4 times a day. I only talked with her once during the complimentary free call the day she got jailed. Her calls go unanswered and this has been going on ever since the 2nd week of October, its November now. I feel terrible for her but im trying to excuse myself from her life. I thought if I didn't respond to her she would get the hint.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 November 2013):
your mistake was in being nice to her once you knew there was no attraction there... she thinks there is just because you are being nice.
I agree with letting her know you are no longer interested in any friendship or contact with her...
just block her and ignore her
letters are "return to sender" you can even right REFUSED on them... that will get the point across.
you have no obligations to be nice and ease her pain...
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A
female
reader, KC12 +, writes (4 November 2013):
 First, I'd try the polite thing and then just end things civilly. Tell her that you are just not interested in her, and that your friendship could jeopardize your job.
Ask her to stop calling.
If that doesn't work I'd be more extreme.
I'd block her calls or change your number, and send her a formal "cease and desist all contact" letter.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (3 November 2013):
 So you've written a lengthy, and well-thought-out submittal that details ooodles of reasons why you should have no contact with this woman....
WHAT IS YOUR QUESTION??????
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (3 November 2013):
 You have no obligations to this woman whatsoever. You clearly don't need the drama, she's not friend material never mind girlfriend material. Tell her that you being in contact with her could jeopardise your career, ask her to stop writing and calling, and then leave it at that. Really, you owe her nothing, she's not your responsibility.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 November 2013):
Cut all contact. Let her know you are having to let her go, then either block her or change your number. Giving her your address weren't so smart, but can be fixed. Any mail you receive you return (put addressee unknown, return to sender in black and back in a mail box - unopened).
She will get the gist.
There is nothing for you with all this drama.
I know you are trying to be a nice person, but I think (once she figures out what you do for a living) her "interest" in you will escalate and what she might WANT to try and get you to do for her.
Sorry, not to sound like a cold-hearted bitch, but I'd cut lose and run.
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