A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:There is this guy and I really really like him and he talks to me all the time and is really sweet to me and also he's so good looking. I have known him for a very long time but we hadnt talked for over a year then he finally started talking to me again out of no where. He asked for my number and he texts me a lot and I assumed he really liked me back. So he asked me to go out not that long ago and we hung out and we went to his place and we watched a movie and ended up having sex. (I have known him forever, I didnt just now meet this dude). So after, he told me he just wants to keep it on the down low but he still likes me. He still texts me a lot but he always asks me to come over. He is still super nice to me and I still really like him but im wondering if there will ever be something between us outside the bedroom. So if he really likes me like he says and likes to talk to me, why wont he date me?! What makes me good enough to bang but not good enough to love. I really need advice please help:(
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 November 2013):
 If men will "sleep" with a fleshlight or a blow up doll imagine how happy they are to have a live living breathing penis holder available at their beck and call.
You are wondering if there will ever be anything other than come over, eat some dinner watch a movie get laid and go home? NOPE there won't be.....
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2013): Have you ever had a male friend that you don't have romantic feelings for, who secretly has a crush on you? He will be your friend, spend time with you, he will give you emotional support, you may even hug or cuddle with him . . but you "just don't feel that way" when it comes to the idea of having sex with him? That's what you are to this guy. He doesn't want a romantic relationship. You do. So you are offering the part of the romantic relationship that guys usually want most (the sex) anyway, in hopes that he will give you the rest of it. He won't. Just like you would not give that crushing male friend sex. But if that male friend offers the part of a relationship that girls usually crave most (the emotional intimacy) then you will freely take as much as he gives while you have no intention of ever giving him the part that guys want so much.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 November 2013):
 Learn from this.
Even if you FEEL like you have known him for ages (which you really haven't in the way you would have if you actually DATED him) - you were still available for sex the first night he ""took" you out. Though "hanging" out at his place watching movies is NOT him taking you out on a date. That is testing your resolve, to see if you are receptacle for a hook up.
It's really not that uncommon. Guys somehow think that if a girl puts out early and easily she isn't a keeper - just like girls think if a guy asks for sex right away he isn't interested in YOU as a person just your vagina.
YOU slept with him HOPING it would lead to more. HE invited you over to HIS place in hopes of sex and then AFTER the sex fed you the whole - I don't want to date, keep it on the DL. Which basically means he will fuck you til he find a girl he deems GOOD enough to date.
You though that because you two already "knew" each other that him asking you over was the beginning of something - for him it was the beginning of a possibly FWB or NSA (no strings attached).
He won't change his mind. So you have a choice, keep having casual sex with this guy and hurt yourself emotionally, or tell him, sorry I thought this would lead to something more, that is why I slept with you, since it's just sex to you I think it's best we stop talking and hanging out.
This is not about you, it's about him. The notion you had about him wasn't WHO he is. You thought he was interested in you, he really wasn't - you were just familiar enough that if he could get you in bed he would have a f-buddy for a while.
In the future, don't hang out with a guy in his home right away, if you can't say no to sex. Go OUT in public on DATES. Get to KNOW a guy FACE to FACE and make sure you are both on the same page, BEFORE getting naked.
There is nothing WRONG with you. You just need to learn the "rules".
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2013): Thoughnits true that guys like the chase but also from my own experience those who will appreciate you more only if you require chasing will drop you faster after they got you.
Why I stopped sleeping with guys soon is only because of me, but not to prove something to them. I gave it more time to discover more about a person after one incident with a guy that completely changed my attitude and from that moment I gave it a good couple months before I went to bed with them.
I met this guy on a beach, really cute, gorgeous body. He saw me with a book, he sounded very smart, and asked me out the same day. He was charming, looked me in the eyes, paid for dinner. Then we went to a bar and I met couple of his friends. They looked at me strangely, kind of giggled, and the whole tone of evening changed.
Then when I went to the bathroom, someone who worked at that place came up to me and told me to be carefull with this guy. He brings a different girl here almost every week, and then discusses her with his buddies, and they all laugh about it.
I returned and told him that I really need to get home. Thank god, I had my car with me. He said, why, I thought we could have some fun today. I said, we already had plenty of fun and I really need to get home now.
So, he went with me to my car, asking me to drive him to his. When we got there, he became a different man. He started critisizing my hair, my make up, putting me down about my body( he saw me at the beach and then he said I am the most beatifull girl there). Then he turned really nasty, he started using profanity when I asked him to leave my car. At one point I though he was going to hit me that's how angry he got.
I drove home thinking what if I slept with this jerk, him being like he is, the same night. I probably would if that girl ona bar didn't warn me.
After that I went onlenty of dates. None of them ended up in bed.
And you know how many guys actually waited and keep going on? A very tiny percentage. May be 1 out of 20.
The fact that you knew this guy for long didn't help either. Don't sleep with them anymore until you go on dates before and not 3 dates but many more.
This will give you time to get to know him and deside whether he is worthy of you sleeping with him.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (3 November 2013):
This is more of a reflection of him. He wanted sex, and basically used you for the sex. So the question you really need to ask is whether yo're happy just with the sex or whether you want more. If you do want more, then this guy isn't really for you, and maybe it's best to move on. And never be afraid to make a man work for your attention a bit. if a guy really likes you for more than just sex, then he'll do dating etc.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (3 November 2013):
 Although I am a woman, I think very much like a dude in this way, so I can help explain it. Basically, women fall into two categories: the dateable/ take home to mom type, and then there's the f*ck buddy/one night stand type.
The women I have had to work hard for and chase were the ones I found to be the type I wanted to date. The girls that I could take home and instantly sleep with were the ones I no doubt had fun with! But what else was there to conquer? So I saw no future. It was too easy, so it didn't keep my attention. Sounds horrible, doesn't it? It really is, honestly. but it's unfortunately true.
If you give a guy something to chase and work for, they value it so much more.
You ever had to work really hard to save up money for something you really wanted? When you bought it, you really cherished it, didn't you? Why is that? Because of how hard you had to work for it. But if someone just handed it over to you with no effort on your part, do you appreciate it as much? Nah, not usually. See what I'm saying? Same principle applies here, just different concept.
There's nothing wrong with you and I'm sure you're a wonderful, desirable girl. but getting a guy to like you and want to date you usually entails making him wait for sex. Otherwise, you just wind up being used.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2013): "So if he really likes me like he says and likes to talk to me, why wont he date me?!"
Because he didn't have to date you to get you to put out for him. He got the goods he wanted at the price you set. Once a f*ck buddy, always a f*ck buddy.
"What makes me good enough to bang but not good enough to love."
You put yourself in that position when you put out for him the first time. As stated above, he got the goods he wanted at the price you set. If you want a dating relationship, then don't sell yourself so cheaply by giving it up so quickly.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (3 November 2013):
If he had to put in some effort to get you to sleep with him he probably would, but because he doesn't have to he doesn't. That's kind of the way it goes.
Guys aren't very picky when sex is involved. For a relationship you need to be more picky since you'll be spending more time with the person and on a more personal level.
Maybe he just doesn't want to date anyone and it's got nothing to do with you.
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