A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so I have this best friend, we were friends for about a year and then we became really close friends for about another year. Then we started dating and we really liked each other. We were going out for like 4 months.. then he went a bit cold and said he wanted to be just friends because he was "not ready." and then it was good we went back to being best friends and still spending a lot of time together. And then he sorta went cold again because he said he was confused about me.ok so now, (I am also friends with his sister)and whenever I go to their house i spend most of my time in his bedroom, we stay up late watching movies and cuddling and also kissing. He says he loves me and I say I love him... but I still don't know what is going on?! and when I ask him he says that he loves me and he is still confused about me being his girlfriend. I talk to him all the time and we've pretty much had sex (please don't judge)and he says he needs time to decide whether he wants to date. So i'm pretty sure this is a FWB situation. and I don't know if It will be any more and I don't really know how I feel either?any advice would be much appreciated thanks?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 November 2013):
 my "first boyfriend" was my best girlfriend's brother... 40 years later I can't go to her family events because I don't want to face the family that knows I lost my virginity in their house to a boy that never loved me...
you sound very much like what was going on for me at your age...
stop spending time alone with him in his room. stop the cuddling and the necking...
YOU are too young for FWB or anything even remotely like this and in years to come you will look back in horror at what you did if you continue on this way.
If you don't know how you feel, then you are better off doing NOTHING....
and while you may THINK it's love, it's not. It's not even lust and tequila (a line from a movie) it's just RAGING hormones on both your parts..
stop playing with fire....
young ladies deserve more than just being used by a boy.... which is what it is here hon... you are handy and convenient and it's easy with you...
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (4 November 2013):
 Doing the math on this: Best friends 1 year + really close friends 1 year + dating 4 months + some other time in your current situation - your maximum age of 15 years and 11 months means that this all started when you were barely 13 or younger. Now thinking that he is about your age. but possibly older or younger. That means that the entire time that he has even been interested in girls you have had the privilege of being his only romantic interest. Did I get that right?
If I did there are some interesting factors involved in your relationship. First you are too close and too attached for your age, but not for the length of your relationship. Second your experience level (both of you) is not as grown up as your physical relationship is. You are trying to put a label (FWB) on your relationship that belongs to a different world than you are living in.
Here is where your relationship is. You are on the edge of breakup. Having no experience, he doesn't know how to break up. You don't want to let him go because you have never in your real memory been alone (he is probably also feeling this). Neither one of you is happy in the relationship. You both like the physical aspects of your relationship, but you need more commitment and he wants more freedom.
Honeypie and R1 have both told you essentially this. Honey says you are confused by all the physical stuff and R1 says he doesn't really love you. His emotions and level of commitment are appropriate for a young man of his age and experience.
So is it a FWB situation? In one way it is, you are both using each other for sexual satisfaction (to the level that you are comfortable with) with out the "strings attached" emotions. Your prior emotional state and commitment change the picture somewhat. What you really are now is a broken couple who still take comfort in the old Sexual connection.
You are right to not be satisfied with this situation. It is not a whole or healthy relationship, and you feel that. R1 points out that you need to finish making the break so you can move on. Honey advises you to cut back the physical stuff so you can see the relationship for what it is. Holding out a hope that it may be rekindled in a fuller emotional relationship. She is right you will see it much more clearly and so will he when there is less sexual clutter.
You ask for any advice. You are quite used to having all of the cuddling kissing ans semi sex that you want on demand. You will be strongly tempted to keep that. Your body will want in no matter what your mind and emotions think. You need to be especially careful (both of you) not to quickly find a replacement playmate to fill that void. That is what is known as the rebound relationship. It can be very exciting and torrid but it is usually all sexual and messed up emotionally. In the end it turns out to be a big lie to the other partner who doesn't realize that he is just standing in for the partner you really want. So in your next relationship (after an appropriate period of waiting) take it slow like you did in this one. First a period of friendship, then more closeness. It will not be easy.
FA
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 November 2013):
 Neither of you are sure what you want and all the PDA and sex is confusing the picture.
Back off from him, it will be WAY easier for him to decide. So no more sex, no more cuddles and hanging out, cut the texting down to a bare minimum.
If you want to hang out with his sister, do it at your place.
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A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (3 November 2013):
 If he doesn't want to be your boyfriend then he doesn't really like/love you. This is upsetting but you are still young and there will be many more boys along the way. Spend time with your other friends and try to move on from this unhealthy situation.
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