A
male
age
30-35,
*cgalliard92
writes: Hello everyone(:So there's this girl, she's 16Then there's me, I'm 21. One day on Facebook she posted a sad status about how her ex done her wrong so I messaged her and told her to keep her head up because one day she would find a guy who would treat her the way she should be treated. Well we started chatting about our terrible past with relationships and we hit it off pretty well. Honestly for being 16 she's the most mature girl I've met. We've been talking for a little while now and she keeps saying how much she likes me and honestly I like her too...Here comes the question. How should I go about handling this situation, I'm pretty confused about it. The age difference concerns me and I'm not entirely sure what goes through a girls mind at 16... I mean like I said she's really cool and seems really mature. I'd just like some insight...and please save the "it's illegal" speech.
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male
reader, mcgalliard92 +, writes (6 November 2013):
mcgalliard92 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUPDATE:
haha...well she started talking about sex/marriage/kids... I told her that we probably shouldn't talk anymore. So no worries, I took the high road
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 November 2013):
 Age of consent only applies if both parties are under age 18.
but if one party is legally an adult (say age 21) and one party is 16 (say a young lady with a crush on an adult)
then the age gap of 5 years would render the adult beyond age of consent rules and still cause you some mighty heartache.
Which might be better than if her parents found out... cause I can tell you the can of whoop ass I as the parent of a 16 yr old girl would open on her and the ADULT Male who thought targeting my CHILD was appropriate.
HENCE why we gave the "illegal" speech...
age of consent only goes so far....
as for what else... if you REALLY like her you can wait two years to touch her... right?
just be online casual friends right now...
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A
male
reader, mcgalliard92 +, writes (4 November 2013):
mcgalliard92 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI said save the "it's illegal" speech because in North Carolina 16 is a legal age of consent...but I guess I should have explained better I guess. Thanks for some of the comments though. Pretty Helpful. Kudos.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (3 November 2013):
Yep...16 year old teenager girls sure do have their head on straight...I hate to break it to you but girls don't know what they want. The better path would be to figure out what you want. And try not to put this girl on a pedestal because emotions drive these girls 150%.
Btw it's illegal, you might want to consider that in case you get roped in some shit.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2013): Not going to go into the age legal wise as when it comes to it all that matters is that it's consensual and not forced. However, on another note, she's trying to present herself as mature because she wants to attract you whom is an older guy. However, if you start something you will discover she will have that highschool mindset which blows things into bigger deal than they are. Personally I wouldn't go for it, but if I was going to I'd have asked her for lunch already and checked how laidback her parents are.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 November 2013):
 Mature? She's not mature. She's perhaps calm in her manner and presents herself well, unlike others you have met. But 16-year olds are only 16, no matter how you twist and turn it. They only have 16 years of experience in life, and, they aren't fully developed. But for that matter, neither are you, and boys take a few years longer than girls.
But no, just don't think she's mature, because that is your first mistake. Don't think of her as an adult, she's not. There is a reason she's called "under age" for a whole lot of things. The government didn't put age limits on things just for fun.
So, what goes through a 16-year old girls head? I can tell you, I remember quite well what it was like to be 16, and I am an eager writer of diaries, so I can read back and see exactly what 16-year old me thought. So take it from someone who knows. This is what she's thinking:
"OMG, I'm talking to a 21-year old, he's so adult, he can buy alcohol, he can drive places, he probably has a car, OMG I'm going to look so cool in front of my friends now because he likes me and I've got his attention. Maybe I should show him my boobs so he will like me more? Maybe I should sleep with him? I do feel old enough, I'm really super mature, I'm way more mature than my friends, and this 21-year old talking to me just proves how smart and mature I am. At school I can tell all my friends about him and how "adult" I am being, and they will all envy me. I hope I can keep his interest by acting super mature, because I want to impress him so he will think he can be with me, because, I'm like, sooo mature, so he should, like, totally be my boyfriend. And we'd kiss! And hold hands! And maybe he will marry me and I'll be soooo popular and all my friends will be sooo jealous".
Okay, you get the point. She's swooning. But, worst part is she probably doesn't care much about you as a person. She'll say she does. But more than anything she is happy that she could get the attention of someone your age because that makes her look mature and feel important and she can brag about it to friends. A 16-year old girl is primarily concerned with social status, even if she will ALWAYS deny it. That is why girls her age date idiots and jerks, because they don't care what he's like! It's the social status of having a "cool" boyfriend they are after.
16-year old girls also love to play games. If she gets the impression you do as she tells you to, she will boss you around in a split second. And play games of being interested, then ignoring you, then be super nice, then be a bitch. Then she'll looove the attention of another cool boy in class, who you don't know about because you're not at her school. And, then she will grow bored of you after 2 months and start talking to her new interest about her ex who was so old and boring and treated her this or that way.. Because lets face it, this girl will kiss and tell.
Do you want to be with her? Easy, just tell her to be your girl. She will most probably obey because your age makes you, like OMG, so super cool.
Advice: don't. Unless you enjoy the drama.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 November 2013):
 I see I wasn't the only one who scoffed at the "save the illegal speech" part.
It shows why you think she is so mature, YOU are yourself incredible immature.
16 year old girls are QUITE capable of seeming mature, I know, because I used to be one. All the adults (including teachers) around me always called me highly mature for my age. Doesn't mean I actually WAS mature, at least not around my peers. I was just like them. My of my friends were guys, which should tell you that we were ALL rather IMMATURE.
Anyhow, Mr's Slick - trying to comfort a brokenhearted 16 year old that is JUST like preying on one of the most vulnerable people available, that I have ever seen it.
How do you even know this girl?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2013): "please save the "it's illegal" speech."
You presume it's a 16 year-old girl, and it may not be authorities tracking online predators? You're quite smug.
She's a kid and maturity is just something they are good at mimicking. Mostly childish girly stuff goes through a 16 year-old girls mind.
The more important question here is, what's going through yours? There is a US flag over your post, and I happen to know some states do have laws that says she's not legal.
Let other people her age who have a clue deal with her.
Like my speech or not.
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A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (3 November 2013):
How can you say "save the illegal speech"? You have to understand the possiblilities for your actions. Is she worth you losing your future because you like her and she is cool? You could cause yourself alot of harm and heartache.
If you do like her than wait. She may appear mature but she is not. You have been having conversations not a relationship with some deepth. Those are two different things.
Continue to be her friend. Time can grow you and her into a really great couple by starting out to be really good friends.
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