A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I are taking a friendship break (a break from our relationship, not talk except the day we would hang out once a week as friends, and not see other people) Hopefully for not more than 2 weeks. We love each, but fight a lot. So he thought if we do this and not have any "relationship expectations" (which causes fights) and just enjoy each others company, it will help us reevaluate everything. But i think, it will only show us if we can be friends. A real break would be more suitable for what we are trying to do, right? We have been together for 18 months. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 November 2013):
 "taking a break" is the beginning of the end...
you don't get BREAKS in life, you don't get breaks when relationships are hard and struggling you either work to fix them or you ignore them... but a BREAK fixes nothing.
if you are fighting all the time all this break does is prolong the breaking up over a longer period of time.
either you are a couple and are working on your issues as a couple or you are apart.
and breaking up and getting back together... well that's the mark of an unhappy unstable relationship.
sometimes we just don't want to admit it's over and done... sometimes we want to fight for something we know is bad because we don't want to admit failure
A
male
reader, Wheeler +, writes (3 November 2013):
 It seems you are saying that actually being in a relationship is the cause of your relationship problems? I may be oversimplifying it, there are probably many specific issues that have not been resolved.
From personal experience, reluctance to do the difficult work of sitting down and dealing with relationship problems head-on is a very clear indication of what will happen in the future. NOTHING can be gained by knowingly avoiding whatever root problems are causing all of the fighting. I agree with Honeypie that you are just delaying the inevitable.
All relationships and marriages will have their times of difficulty. The question is how will both of you handle those times? And if you can't work together to get through normal problems, what is gonna happen when something legitimately difficult comes along? Anyone can enjoy the good times, the real test is when you gotta put some work in!
It seems the two of you have strong feelings for each other (I could be wrong, as you haven't given us a lot to work with :-). Now may be a great time to establish a new pattern in your relationship. That you aren't going to ignore or walk away from problems, but instead deal with them. It may be a great opportunity!
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A
female
reader, Ladyhopeful  +, writes (3 November 2013):
I have to agree with Honeypie.
Taking a break, any sort of break, will not help the situation.
If you love each other and want the relationship to work, then you have to talk about your issues.
Unfortunately, if these issues cannot be resolved by talking, i.e. you end up arguing while trying to sort it out, you will be going round in circles, and maybe you need to rethink the relationship.
It sucks, but sometimes you can love each other so much, but the relationship doesn't work because you aren't compatible.
I wish you guys lots of luck, and hope you can resolve your issues together!!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 November 2013):
 How is the break going to fix any issues? It's is JUST a break from all the things that are BROKEN with the relationship, such as compromising and communication. Taking a break will NOT fix this. You two might get back together and then go RIGHT back to the same pattern of fighting.
If you two want to get back together, you need to figure out what causes the fights and what you can BOTH do to fix it.
Are you actually compatible?
And if you keep pretending that you are friends the focus will not be on fixing it but hanging out without any "responsibilities a relationship do require.
Not seeing other people might be wise. If you two think you might get back together.
But IMHO taking a "break" means that there are some fundamental issues which makes the relationship doomed. UNLESS you two actually WORK on those issues. Taking break basically just prolong the "breaking up".
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