A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:My wife and I have been married for 41 years, i'm 65 and she's 64. We used to have a great sex life but we haven't had sex for a couple of years now and it can get frustrating. Has anyone got any tips to spice up our sex lives? Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2013): Olderthandirt... Seriously? Are you kidding me??? Women giving up on sex after 45? I am about to turn 46. Have a banging hot body. The stamina of a teenager. Look 20 years younger. Have a boyfriend who keeps coming back for more and more and more... I am like a machine. His words. He is happy and satisfied and on Cloud 9 all the time. What the hell were you saying by the way? It was a really stupid statement. We all know that everybody is different and age has nothing to do with it. My ex was ten years younger than my current boyfriend and my current boyfriend can outperform my ex in the bedroom on his worst day. Think I have made my point!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2013): Your problem can be solved with four letters: BDSM. You and your wife could do a google search on that and then talk things over. You could pleasantly surprise each other. Just remember, the key concepts here are Safe, Sane, and Consentual.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (19 November 2013):
 olderthandirt would be mistaken.. .I'm 53 and I can't get enough...
you say you have not had sex for a couple of years... so spicing up nothing will not work...
have you tried for sex? does your wife decline? do you know why? perhaps she has severe vaginal dryness with menopause... that's a horrible thing and sex becomes painful...
do you court her?
do you woo her?
make her feel loved and wanted?
do you tell her that you miss her and want her? When it's been a while for us I tell my husband who I see every day "I miss my husband" and he gets it... see I'm the one with the drive... in my experience 40 yr old men give up on sex....
first thing we have to do OP is figure out what the problem is THEN we can figure out how to fix it...
because you can't just go up to her if you have not had sex for two years and try for sex... have you seen the movie HOPE SPRINGS with Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones... I think it came out last year... it would apply to your situation now probably.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2013): Thanks for the replies, will try your advice. We still hold hands when we go out & go out for romantic meals now & again & kiss just not had sex for a few years. We'll see what happens
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2013): I'm just responding to olderthandirt's bewildering post about women giving up on sex after the age of 45...whaaaaaaat? That's just plain and simple incorrect.
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (18 November 2013):
 Gees it’s been so long, I don’t know who gets tied up first!?
Seriously though – Break the monotony and get out of the house with those same old four walls!
Check out some B&B out in the countryside for a bit of romance and relaxation
Don’t go expecting anything, just appreciate the intimacy of being together
Reminisce about the love you have for your wife and each other
If Cupids arrow should strike, let’s hope no-one has a heart attack after a 2 year absence
Other than that, if you wish her to accommodate some of your physical desires, I’d approach this subject delicately as mentioned. There’s no point shocking her out of the blue as you’ve both conditioned yourselves to forego and accept this status quo…
Have fun – CAA
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (18 November 2013):
 Not gonna happen my friend, In my view women give up on sex at age 45. Too bad for us guys.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (18 November 2013):
 I'm in your age group. A few years ago... and for several years.... I endured a "relationship" which saw not only the sex... but also the intimacy, evaporate. When it became clear that my "girlfriend" no longer had much interest in sex... OR intimacy... I told her that I craved them (both), and would not endure a life void of either or both of them.... She/we could not come to grips with the predicament... and I split from her... I'M NOT SUGGESTING THAT THAT IS WHAT YOU SHOULD DO!!!!!!
What I suggest is that the two of you SIT DOWN AND TALK ABOUT THIS MATTER!!!!! If you and she can get to common ground... you (both) may find that you can and will want to ressurrect the sexual and love life that you had in the past..... AND the future, beyond that, will be better for both of you....
NOW.... also at our age... "sex" isn't the same wild-dog, Hell-bent-for-leather orgiastic activity that it was when we were teenagers.... BOTH your's and her body have changed.... She may have difficulty with lubrication... and intercourse may actually be painful - or at least unpleasant - for her. Who could blame her for wanting to avoid that? So.... you both need to "start" with a general physical checkup to be sure that all the plumbing is still in-place and works... (And learn how to correct or accomodate any problems....)
IF you and she approach this like adults... who have an interest IN COMMON..... I'll bet that you and she will get past this situation in short order.... AND, that - six months from now - your wife will be on here, with a submittal that sez: "My hubby can't keep up with me, sexually, should I seek out a younger man to keep me happy?"
Good luck... sex and intimacy are fun parts of life... I hope you two find your OWN special ways to enjoy them..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2013): I could probably dive straight in and give you a load of sexy tips but first I'd like to ask whether you've discussed this issue with your wife yet and is she "on-board" with your plans to "spice things up?Have you really not had sex for 2 years but remained living with you wife and sharing a bed in all that time? Why do you think that might be?Are you behaving romantically and affectionately with your wife during your day to day lives?Do you initiate sex with her and find you are rebuffed? Or have you literally reached the stage where neither of you makes the effort to inititate sex anymore?She may have lost interest in sex and not be aware that lack of it is causing a problem for you. If you suddenly leap in with a load of suggestions for kinky and spicy sex this may alarm her rather than turn her on (especially if she's a bit conservative).I suggest you start off with increasing the romance and the affection in your relationship and then start to rebuild your sex life from there. If you've been celibate for 2 years you don't really need tips for a spiced-up sex life; at this stage good old, boring, conventional sex will do the trick just as well. Then you can start asking for the more spicy stuff!Good luck xx
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