A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I am marsha. I am 25 year old graduated last year. I love someone who is younger than me. WE were friends before. I know him past 3 year now. We got close like best friend the end of 3year. Then one fine day he asked me out .. not just dating but proposed me for marriage. I was heck a confused I but I liked him too..now I am madly in love with him but my mom do not agree on it. As she is single mother I love her don't want to upset her.I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO???
View related questions:
best friend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 November 2013):
 so you mom wants you to dump this guy you love and meet and marry someone RIGHT AWAY? does she not realize it will be at least a year after meeting a new fellow that you will decide to marry or not?
IGNORE your mother... do not live your life for her, one day you will not have her to fall back on and she's wanting you to live your life to please HER not yourself which is very selfish of a parent.
A
female
reader, muahh +, writes (25 November 2013):
My mom doesn't approve because he is still studying and not settle enough and I am trying to explain that its just a matter of one year he will get a job. I tried to calm her down and explain her that more than me he loves me a lott. I don't wanna lose him. But she doesn't wanna wait for another year or so..just want me to see another guy settled. And marry him.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2013): He is 18 months younger than me. My mom is dis approving because he is studying and will finish his studies in about an year and I am done with my graduation. My mom doesn't wanna wait till he is over with his studies. And I think its unfair to reject someone without even meeting him.
And more than me He loves me. Whenever I tell him my mom won't agree he just couldn't take it..and start naging that he can't live without me. And I can see it.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2013): How do you expect people to give to any informed answer without the following information;
-WHY your mum doesn't approve?
-Does she solely disapprove of his wanting to marry before dating or disapprove of your going out with him at all?
-Have you discussed this with her? / Tried to invite him round so that they can meet and you can all talk it out?
-How much younger than you is he?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2013): My mother hasn't approved of ANY of my boyfriends, with the exception of 2. As it turns out, those two were the worse ones! LOL Mother's don't always know best...but their intentions are often good.
At first, my mother didn't approve of my current relationship--but she respected that I was a grown woman who could make my own decisions. In time, she learned to accept him and be comfortable with my decisions.
I advise you to just give it time...
The marriage proposal is a little off. That's a little sudden and soon. Maybe take it slow...have an extended engagement.
If the guy treats you good, your mom will see that. ANd, that will be enough to make her happy and pleased at your decisions.
...............................
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (19 November 2013):
 My Mother did not like one of my girlfriends. never did give me a reason. Just something put her off.
Your situation has 2 red flags that would give me pause. One he proposed before dating you. I'm a believer that good friends make good marriages, but I'm thinking he skipped a step. On the other hand I'm closer to your mother's age and don't really understand the reluctance of people in your generation to date much at all.
The other is your age. I suppose it is a sexist notion but there seems to be a problem with men marring older / more educated women, that doesn't exist when men marry younger less educated women. I've seen women leave partners when they get an advanced degree, I've seen mothers advise them to do this. The reasoning is that since they are now smarter they can do better and deserve to.
I'm not saying that you would do this. What I am saying is that this could be what your mother is thinking. I guess that is what you are really asking.
Great advice from Honey to not rush to the altar. Time will help mom to see he is sincere. In the end you will have to do what is right for you, even if mom doesn't come around.
FA
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (19 November 2013):
 not much information to go on here. How much younger? Has your mum given you any specific reasons she doesn't approve of him?
...............................
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (19 November 2013):
 Mothers only have the best interest for their children(yeah I know you're 25)so, I would not discount her feeling out of hand. maybe she sees some trouble ahead that you don't see. Ask her to be honest and tell you exactly what she thinks then respect her opinion and do what ever you want with no hard feelings going ahead. She has a bunch more experience with life in general than you do so don't just blindly go ahead following your heart. the age difference may be a problem especially if you're 25 and he's a teenager. Whoops, could that be it?
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 November 2013):
Well I can tell you that my son is age 27 and having similar problems with his father and stepmom. THEY do not approve of his choice of girlfriend due to her religion.
His choice: cut them out of his life. And I don't blame him.
As an adult over the age of 21 you have the right to make your own choices of partner.
Is the only reason she does not approve is because he's younger... that doesn't mean much unless you are 22 and he's under 18... but if you are say 26 to his 23 that's not a big deal.
I wonder if your concern is that as a single mom if you cut her off she will be alone... oh well that's the consequences of her behavior.
I told my son to not worry about his stepmom and dad.. that if he marries this girl, grandbabies have a way of changing even the hardest heart...
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2013): Your mother, being a single-mom, is naturally cautious and protective. She is on the outside looking in; which will give her a more objective perspective on your relationship. She has probably watched it progress over time. In all your bliss,love-euphoria, and hurry to get to the alter; she has looked back on her life in a similar situation. Experience is forcing her to express her disapproval. She sees what you don't want to see.I can't say if she just doesn't like the guy, or if she is just not too enthusiastic about the relationship in general; but there is a reason. You should listen to the voice or reason and experience.My suspicion is that she has never liked the guy, and you've never really paid any attention to her about it.Before you do marry, humor her by giving her the opportunity to plead her case. There is a 50/50 chance she may have a valid reason for not liking him. That doesn't mean you don't make your own decision. It wouldn't hurt to go with her blessing. She's your mother, she may not always be right; but your best interest and well-being is her utmost concern.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 November 2013):
 I'm with chigirl, has she given you a reason?
How much younger is he?
If you two have been friends for 3 years that isn't like dating for 3 years. There is a whole other level to dating and marriage brings it up another few notches too (as far as commitment and work you have to put into the relationship).
You are madly in love, that is GREAT. But don't RUSH into marriage. You have time.
And if your mom really doesn't HAVE any valid reasons WHY you should BE with this guy (I'm talking dating not marriage yet) then you need to talk to her. Her being a single mom doesn't mean she doesn't understand love OR heartbreak.
...............................
A
female
reader, shna  +, writes (19 November 2013):
 Your mum is just looking out for you !! Thats what she is there for she loves you and cares for you
She is probably afraid you are rushing things
You should bring this boy home more often so she can get to know him
When your alone with your mum talk him up about his achievements and such and she will see the good side to him ! She just wants to make sure he is the best suitor for you !
Remember that your mum is a single parent and seeing her daughter growing up having a great time and meeting a new man is probably causing her some stress/ jealousy
Shes probably take note of the fact that she is not as young as she once was and things in life probably didnt plan out the way she hoped
So take it easy on her and remember she loves you more then anything
...............................
A
female
reader, fat hen  +, writes (19 November 2013):
be patient. Try to make your mom understand that sometime or the other you shall have to marry someone so why not soneone whom you love and he reciprocates the same.at the same time you can also once try to see your moms point of view that why she is hesitant. Only for the age factor or is it something else that she has in mind. You are surely madly in love with him and love is blind. And may be your mom is trying to save you from your future problems. Try to think with your brains. Leave your heart aside for sometime. May be you could jot the positive and negative about marrying him.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 November 2013):
 Has she given you a reason why she does not approve?
...............................
|
