A
female
age
30-35,
*aeisforlovers16
writes:I have a boyfriend who I love dearly. He's my best friend and I would do anything for him. We've been together for 2 years and have known each other for 3. He's the only one that I want.I have a coworker who has recently been acting different around me. We've known each other for about 3 months now and up until a few weeks ago, we've been fine. I consider him a friend and genuinely like the guy he is. I value our friendship.He's been telling me about how he's having some issues with his long distance girlfriend and doesn't know if he wants to be with her anymore. He said he doesn't know if he wants to be settling down so early in life without giving other options a chance...He knows how I feel about my boyfriend.My boyfriend has recently left town for work. He will be gone another week. Every day, my coworker asks me to hang out and normally, I wouldn't have an issue with it but I feel a little uncomfortable around him now. He hasn't come right out and said it but I feel as though he's developing feelings for me.I don't keep anything from my boyfriend and I've been telling him about my coworker. He wants me to tell him off and basically be a bitch about it.I can't do that because 1, he's my coworker and I would like to stay on good terms and 2, he isn't trying anything as far as telling me he likes me or wanting me to break up with my boyfriend for him and 3, I don't want to be a bitch to him...I really don't want to keep hanging out with him but I'm having trouble figuring out how to tell him nicely. I don't want it to be awkward around him at work but I don't want my boyfriend to be upset. He feels threatened by this guy even though he trusts me and knows I would never let anything happen.I just want my boyfriend to come back home so I don't have to keep making up excuses not to hang out with this coworker. He's a good guy and he seems harmless but my boyfriend thinks I'm leading him on to think he has a chance with me.Help me out?! I don't know what to do or say to my coworker without hurting his feelings. I do feel bad for him but my boyfriend comes first.
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at work, best friend, co-worker, long distance Reply to this Question
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female
reader, maeisforlovers16 +, writes (21 November 2013):
maeisforlovers16 is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks everyone! i know i have to end this before it blooms into something troublesome... you've all given me some good advice. its just hard for me to hurt someone and i feel as though my coworkers feelings are going to be hurt :(
i'll nip it in the bud. ive talked to my boyfriend some more about it and he said he wouldnt mind me hanging out with my coworker as long as someone else is there. he doesnt trust the guy, however i know hes a sweetheart and would really never do anything to me. i trust him, but like i said, my boyfriend comes first and if he's unhappy or uncomfortable, so am i.
thanks again everyone!!
much love 3
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (20 November 2013):
 I agree that the co-worker needs to be cut down in his tracks but there are NICE ways to do it.
If you don't want to be blatant, you can be subtle.. just be busy... "oh i can't I have to go home and wash the kitchen floor tonight and it can't wait"
the next night:
"no i'm sorry I can't go tonight, it's washing towels night and it cannot wait"
NOTE how mundane these "exciting can't wait" tasks are.
the next night... more mundane stuff... "boyfriend (use his name) comes home tomorrow and I've missed him so very much I have to go grocery shopping tonight... it can't wait and neither can I"
and in EVERY conversation you have with the co-worker that is not 100% work related you mention boyfriend and how wonderful things are....
He'll get the hint and you don't have to accuse him of hitting on you....
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 November 2013):
 Here's a tidbit of information that you may file away... and call up whenever it is appropriate, in the future.
You write: "...He's been telling me about how he's having some issues with his long distance girlfriend and doesn't know if he wants to be with her anymore..."
Well... it makes no never-mind if she's 1/2 way around the world.... or on the next block... when a guy has a girlfriend... and wants to get some OTHER girl to put out for him... he sez JUST THAT!!!!!!
LISTEN (politely) to him.... then yawn and say, "Aw, shit, (his name here).... I KNOW that that is what all you guys say when you are in a relationship or marriage.... and want to get some vulnerable girl - such as me - to justify putting out for him...."
Is that clear enough?
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 November 2013):
 I just would nip this in a bud with your co-worker. HE is not looking for a friend. He is looking for a "fwb" or a new GF and YOU are in his sights.
Do not hang out with him while your BF is away. Go to work, be polite, be friendly but keep your private life private. When it's time to go home you go home (or hang out with friends - not the co-worker guy).
Just tell the co-worker that you don't think it's really appropriate for a girl to hang out with a guy while her BF is out of town. That you do NOT want him (the co-worker) to have an impression that you are looking for a replacement BF or anything outside of friendship.
NIP it in the bud.
The fact that you feel obligated to make up excuses HE (the co-worker) might see as you actually being interested but not sure if you should. So bend it in neon and light it up.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2013): It sounds like he IS developing feelings for you--which I can definitely relate to because it's happened with a good 90% of the guys I've been "just friends" with.
Then I immediately stopped hanging out with them because I didn't like them that way and it wasn't fair to lead them on (even if I wasn't try to).
Anyway, you have every right to tell your co-worker, "Sorry, I don't like to hang out with guys one-on-one, besides my boyfriend." I think that's pretty valid and he really shouldn't be offended by that.
If he is…well, too bad. He'll get over it as soon as he starts liking someone else.
He needs to wake up and realize that you're happily taken!!
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