A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys, need some advice on the L WORD termMy girlfriend and I have been together for just over a month and she told me she really likes me in the beginning which was great as I really liked her too. Now she has told me she is practically falling in love with me and hasn't felt like this before. Its worrying her as it is so quickly happening and not bigging myself up but she's literally falling over herself to tell me she loves me but I don't feel the same. I really like her and could 100% see myself falling in love with her, I think about our future and really care about her but just not in love with her yet. I feel great the fact she's really interested in such a deep level as I was the one who usually does the falling hard for the girl. So what do I do when or if she tells me she loves me? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (20 November 2013):
 I love the way some guys "measure" how much in love with a girl that they are..... Let's be serious, here, for a moment....
WHEN a girl expresses any interest in us (guys) don't we INSTANTLY believe that we may be "in love" with her????
If/when a girl puts out for us.... aren't we ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN that we are "in love" with her? (After all, we would even consider to have $*x with a girl UNTIL and UNLESS we were "in love" with her... BUT.....
Doesn't SHE throw a curve-ball in to the whole proceeding if/when she sez that SHE is "in love" with us????? THAT, gentlemen, is a LIFE SENTENCE of being nice (and faithful) to her!!!!!!
I know that you are enjoying the semantical gyrations that you can get away with, with this girl... BUT, can you fool yourself?????
Good luck...
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 November 2013):
 My husband always told me that the reason he was able to fall in love with me is because I left him to his own devices and gave him the space needed to grow to love me...
I've often heard that men fall faster than women but I'm not a believer in that I've never seen it.
My husband for the longest time could NOT say "I love you" even when he felt it... (he is improving now that we are married) and if I said it to him his response was "thank you"
he never said "I love you too" he still will NOT say that... he will only tell me when the mood strikes him which makes it all that more special.
My advice when she says it to you is to say "thank you"
that acknowledges her feelings, and lets her know you appreciate them. I believe that she keeps saying it in hopes that you will Say it back to her... if you just ignore the statement right now she may think you did not hear her... acknowledging it lets her know you
a. heard her
and more importantly
b. YOU do NOT FEEL THE SAME and her saying it will NOT elicit the response she wants.
In fact, EVEN when you do (if you ever do) get to that point, I would not respond with "I love you too"... rather I would wait till she's not in that frame of mind to say it and then tell her.. maybe even take her out to dinner and make a big deal about it... IF and WHEN you are ready.
DO NOT let her bully you into saying it if you don't mean it.
If she keeps it up after you try to shut her down with "thank you" then sitting her down for a talk about how it makes you feel is in order.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2013): OP Here - WiseOwlE - you are a master of love! Everything you said is very true and logically - thank you
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (20 November 2013):
 Been there. I had a girl use the L word on a first date. Should have scared me off but I was too young and stupid.
Just be honest. Tell her that you don't want to say it until you're sure, and that it takes you a while to be sure.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2013): That's the way it goes with the ladies. They are open about their feelings. Too often, they fall too deep, too fast. I am happy to see your post. Almost ecstatic! It backs up a point I've been making since I first answered a post on DC.I want them to see this example. I say it so often, I wonder if anybody really listens. It takes men longer to reach that stage. They scare us away; because they fall lock, stock, and barrel at breakneck speed. Head over heals; before you get a chance to even make sure they are really who you want to totally commit to. They want it so bad, they throw caution to the wind. They want it now! Nothing could be so wrong to do. So reckless!The culprit behind all this speedy evolution of the heart, is too much romantic-love portrayed in movies and other popular media. They are fed this crap from little girls. The harsh realities don't come until they face a real relationship.Then it hits them very very hard. When it isn't what they imagined; they fault men for being bastards. They don't believe we have the capacity to commit, let alone love.They are enamored with a concept, commercialized by cards and movies with perfect romances and happy-endings. In-love with being in-love. A real woman knows her heart, she isn't too quick to give it away. You have to earn it.A young girl is only learning what it is, their innocence makes them very fragile. They get caught up in sugar-plum dreams; forgetting the pain and anguish that is also a part of real love. They think it always feels good. It does. But it's also stressful, and confusing. So you have to take your time to be sure you get everything in proper perspective. Making sure it is given to the right person, and for the the right reasons. That it is given freely. Without even a shadow of doubt. It's a responsibility to take a person's love. Then you have to work at maintaining it, and giving it freely in return.They don't allow you to gradually work your way up to "love." As you should in the real-world. They push and shove you there. They want to hear the word echoed back as soon as they say it. Even when they have no clue what it is.When they become more mature, they see the reality; then it's harder to get them to accept or trust our love. They become cynical and doubt if we really can love them. After a divorce, they don't believe love ever existed. My parents made me see things in reality. So when I found it. It lasted 28 years. Bring her back down to earth. Don't you dare crush her heart. She is very vulnerable right now. She thinks she's already there. Not really. Its the feeling of bliss. That's just a "prelude" to love. It's real, nonetheless.However; that's the euphoria caused by dompamine, the love hormone/drug. You are getting there, and you should not utter the word, until it comes from the heart.DO NOT LET HER FORCE OR MANIPULATE YOUR EMOTIONS, BY BEING TOO EAGER OR NEEDY!People will do that if you allow it. Then you'll freak and run. You'll get scared. Don't let people pound you with a lot of rhetoric about non-commitment, and make you feel guilty. Let your heart do the work.Love takes time to solidify. Never let someone else bulldoze you with zeal, or pressure you to say the L-word before you can say it with your heart attached. You'll probably be hounded and bashed as a male; because many females hate us for yielding to our logic. Say it when it is truly heartfelt, and not a moment before. If you tell her, and your feelings never change from where they are now. You will destroy her. So bring her back to reality, and ask her to ease up just a little. Let her know you feel strongly and you feel committed.IF YOU ARE NOT SURE, SAY YOU ARE NOT SURE! Loving someone is nothing to fool around with. People use that word out of context, they mess around with it, and they play games with it. Don't hold back out of fear, or lack of maturity.Don't get cold-feet; because you have to go beyond the word and show it in your actions. Be a man about it.Do it when you can say it, and mean it. It will come out so easily you'll have no doubt. That was how I did it, and to this day, I can still feel it.
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A
female
reader, shna  +, writes (19 November 2013):
 I think this girl is getting a little ahead of herself !! Im sure her feelings for u are deep and meaningful but i mean how well can you know sombody aftee only one month?
In order to avoid her saying something your not ready to hear (and which will cause tension and arguments)
Just suttley say its great our relationship is wonderful and your a great person but lets take things slow you know? Neither of us are in any rush. !
You can always use the friends moto if she keeps saying things like " im falling in love with you"
Just shrug it off with a " i love SPENDING time with you too"
Women are all about hints if you drop enough of them shes going to get the picture thats shes coming on to strong
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