A
female
age
41-50,
*ocha brown
writes:I don't know if this is a long shot but I'm looking for some advice and help with dealings I have with a guy. He is emotionally unavailable, he is my fwb ( when he fancies it!!) and I'm not sure if you'd call him a player.Anyway so I'm hoping to get in touch with a guy on dear cupid who is on the same kind of level as this guy to try and get into his head so I can 'play' him back kind of, at least so I can get things to work for me more. If anyone can help send me a private message and I'll discuss the details. Thanks for reading :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2013): Emotionally unavailable is just that. You can't Play people that are not in the game.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (19 November 2013):
 Mocha: WHY would you want to "play him back"....???? since that is NOT ONLY NOT a "zero sum" game.... but is a stupid waste of your time and energy....
After all.... the guy who you describe doesn't give a damn if you "play" him... since he has oodles more girls available to him, to "play"... AND, he has no conscience, so he will never actually feel bad if/when you "play" him in to a humiliating loss... (since he won't/doesn't understand that...)
Give him up, and move on with your life....
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, Mick Mc  +, writes (19 November 2013):
It does not matter who answers your question. Male and female will tell you very similar things. You probably knew the answer to this before you even asked it.
A million answers are not going to change your situation. You are not cut out for a friends with benefits type of relationship.
You cannot play someone who does not care about you. He probably wont even notice.
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (19 November 2013):
 I will try to be honest about it, although I cannot speak for each and every individual guy, I will try and generalise.
There are generally two types of women. Ones men have relationships with, take out, introduce to their family, fall in love with etc.
The other type is the fwb`s. They are there for sex. This sex is supposed to be uncomplicated, as agreed from the start. It does`nt stay uncomplicated because one party (usually the female) gets involved and starts to feel used. One then begins to feel like a nuisance to the other who is less involved, and in most cases it all becomes regrettable.
Another thing is respect. As far as that goes, the female fwb does not get the same respect a regular girlfriend usually gets.
If a man wants a woman, he will not mess about or waste any time. Get out while you are in one piece. Nothing will work. He is not emotionally attached to you.
Unfortunately, I cannot tell you anything different than you have already been told.
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A
female
reader, delightful84 +, writes (19 November 2013):
If you try playing games with someone who`s not that much into you, it will be you who loses.
The best thing you can do is get rid and ignore him. Whether you do that or not, is another thing.
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A
female
reader, Mocha brown +, writes (19 November 2013):
Mocha brown is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks ladies.
And the guys?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 November 2013):
 Basically he's not that into you... and game playing is not a good idea at any age. And it won't really make a difference because once the games stop he'll be gone again and you will be posting here for advice on how to heal from a man you love leaving you....
If you want him and he does not want you then he holds the upper hand. The person who cares the least always is in charge in a relationship... (it's a cliche but it's pretty true) The person who wants more, who cares more, is the person who gets hurt... you are asking us how to help you set yourself up for a world of hurt.
I'm not sure why you would want a man who is using you for sex that you believe to be a player but the best thing to do to get his attention is:
a. ignore him totally do not call him, do not text hin, do not email him, do not facebook him.. in fact if you are friends on facebook UNFRIEND HIM.
b. do not have sex with him if he calls...
c. get a great life with another man and throw it in his face... everyone wants what they can't have.
He will never be what you want him to be....
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (19 November 2013):
 I disagree. You actually can play the emotions of an emotionally unavailable person. But I still advise not to.
But I've always found playing hard to get is always the best thing to do. Make them wait on you. Don't answer their calls or texts right away. Don't initiate contact. Don't be too eager to make plans. Date other people and generally make them come chasing after you, rather than the other way around. Basically all the same things he's doing to you. The more 'unavailable' you become, the more appealing you become to a person like this. However, if he legitimately has no interest at all, this won't work.
Anyway, why do you want this guys attention so badly? I suggest moving on as my number one bit of advice. But since that's not what you're asking, I gave my answer. good luck.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (18 November 2013):
 Nothing you do will make a difference. He's had what he wanted from you and now he's disconnected.
Highly emotional attached woman chasing after emotionally unavailable man = Complete waste of time and a load of heartache.
As the other aunts here have said...forget him and move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2013): Well its simple you just reverse it on him. When he calls dont pick up, ring back later and say you are busy cant meet. Be aloof but still flirty. Make him think you have other guys just hint you know real no information. Meet up get him all hot and bothered, think of an excuse and leave. Make him want to chase you, make it hard and a challenge. Ya no like a game he can play.....Although it sounds like he won this one a few times already so he may no be bothered, and give up depending on how much he likes you, or how easily he can get it else where. But more importantly why do you want an emotionally unavailable man???Dont be a cliche, what you think you will be the one to melt his heart, teach him how to love, save him....I mean come lady, you are not that stupid. Do your self a favor,forget him and find a decent man who actually likes you. Playing him might get his attention, but its game he wants not you, dont wast your time. Honey Pie is right you are way too old for this.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (18 November 2013):
 You won't get things to work for you with a guy who is emotionally unavailable. Some people might give you some 'tricks' or 'rules' but the bottom line is that you won't ever change him.
Why try to flog a dead horse or get back at him? That's a lot of energy to spend on a guy who is not worth your time. Why not go for a guy who is emotionally available?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2013): Ummm. The problem with emotionally unavailable men is that they are just that - emotionally unavailable. If women try and "play" with their emotions it doesn't work because the men just don't notice.
You can't play the emotions of a person who doesn't have emotions for you.
Just get rid of him.
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A
female
reader, shna  +, writes (18 November 2013):
 This post seems a little familiar ?
Just move on
He is your friends with benefits for a reason ... So you will be there when ever it suits him for a bootycall ...
Girls enter theses statuses and then get upset about it
How baffling
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 November 2013):
 Aren't you a little to "old" for game playing?
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