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writes: Hello. I would like to know how you would handle this situation.I live above a young male who is intolerant of his neighbours making any sounds. Whenever we do make sounds, he bangs the walls. I get the most of it though, since I live right above him. He bangs when I am walking around, when I flush the toilet, when I put the taps on, etc.The local authority who own these properties are aware of the problem. They have spoken to him, but the problem has got worse. I am having to fill out anti-social behaviour diary sheets and hand them in.In the meantime, I am finding it difficult to cope. I struggle with anxiety, and this is making me a nervous wreck. I am tiptoeing around - I have literally adjusted my lifestyle so I am making as little noise as possible. Yet this guy listens for the slightest sound so he can bang. He even does it throughout the night, when no one is making any sound.I feel very frightened. I am looking into moving, although I really don't want to move, as I love where I live. The thing is, nobody can seem to understand why this is affecting me so much. No one can understand why I am frightened when he bangs the walls.So my question is, if it was you in this situation, how would you react? Would you be frightened? If not, why? How would you view the situation? What would you do?Thank you so much for any opinions.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioneyeswideopen, if you have a problem dealing with my question on here, then you don't have to respond. I posted this question hoping for advice and opinions, which I have received, more so than I had hoped for, and for which I am very thankful. I did not post this question in order to be called names.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Daisy_Daisy. I do feel that I am being victimised by this guy, like it is a personal attack against me. That is what troubles me the most. I ask myself WHY? I have done nothing to this guy. I have always been nice to him.
But yet I think you are probably right. It probably isn't personal. Yes, he does have issues with other people making noise as well. And I suspect that even I was to move out and new people moved into my flat, he would probably bang at them too.
I do tend to be a bit on the paranoid side though and take things personally. This guy really IS banging at me, as he has admitted it, but I suppose it does affect me more than the average person. I don't have a social worker, no. But yes, I am waiting to start a course which is all about building inner well-being and strength, finding ways to cope with emotions, stress, etc. It will be held in a group too, so I will be able to meet other people.
I am also waiting to start some breathing awareness classes, as I tend to panic and hyperventilate when I am afraid. This makes me feel like I am suffocating, and I get chest pains. I have also been sent some relaxation CD's.
I hadn't thought of asking my GP to step in and contact the landlord about how this is affecting me, but that is a good idea. Thank you, I will ask them to write a supporting letter.
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reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (30 November 2013):
 Hi OP
I doubt he is doing this to mock you, I know it's difficult, but try not to think of it as a personal attack on you. He's bothering all his neighbours. Unfortunately it probably has more of an effect on you because you're prone to anxiety and somewhat restricted to your flat because of that and your disability. I'm not saying that to diminish the issue, however.
I'm guessing you've already spoken to your GP about this since you've been referred for therapy? Do you have a social worker? Either/ both could provide a letter for your landlord and local authority to expedite a solution to this situation.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, I have been using headphones to help me cope when he is banging. I find that it does help. I think my anxiety makes me more sensitive to noise, so his banging is more alarming to me. I haven't told him I have anxiety problems, but I have told him how his behaviour is affecting me, and that I am doing everything I can to be quiet, tiptoeing around, etc. I also have a disability, a mobility problem. I struggle to walk and use a crutch, and am in constant pain. My parents went round to this guy and told him that I am "vulnerable," which I didn't like.
So in conclusion, the fact that he is STILL banging, despite being nice to my face, makes me think that yes, he is probably doing this to mock me, as he knows it is affecting me. Either that or it is a mental health issue on his part.
I am thinking of getting a hamster to replace the rats, as I do find the company of pets helps. I am a bit afraid of dogs. But my other neighbours have two dogs, and one of them is a big, barking type, so I feel a bit safer with them there!
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reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (30 November 2013):
 Get a dog to replace the rats, maybe he'll move because of the exta pitter patter, and at least the dog will give you some protection, plus they make a better pet than rats.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2013): By no means should you confront this man on your own.
Now that you've offered diplomacy, you know that it has no effect. So it is now a police matter, and you should continue to notify them when necessary.
I like the idea about the headphones. You can't wear them 24/7. However; your anxiety disorder may cause you to hear phantom-banging, even when it isn't happening. Perhaps you'll rest more peacefully and relax, by using the headphones to kill the noise.
I hope you haven't shared the details of your anxiety disorder with your neighbor. It would be sad to think he is maliciously mocking and intimidating you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello, I am the person who asked this question.Gosh, thank you all so much for your answers, I honestly wasn't expecting to get such a response. I intend to print out this page and read it often, as I find all of your words comforting and strengthening. Thank you all.I have spoken to this man several times about this issue. I have been friendly and civil, and he has always been okay to me in person. He has never been aggressive or hostile. It is just when he goes back into his flat that he bangs.I am writing it all down on diary sheets and handing them in to the landlord. They have passed this issue on to the anti-social behaviour team, who will be dealing with it. I have also been in contact with the local police about this for some time, so they are aware of it. They are sending him a warning letter, telling him that he could be prosecuted or evicted if he continues. They told me it is harassment.I do sometimes honestly think about just moving, although it wouldn't be easy. It would certainly be faster than waiting for something to be done about this guy. But I truly do love living in this flat and have no problems here at all, apart from this guy. I agree that he definitely has mental issues of some kind - everyone who has ever seen him have said that there is something "odd" about him.I do struggle with anxiety in general. I have been an anxious person since I was about 12, and I take medication to help me cope. I am awaiting some therapy to help me cope with the increased fear caused by this situation.Even the police have advised me to just carry on with my life and ignore him. I have allowed this guy to control my life to the point that there is hardly anything left. I stopped going to voluntary work because of the stress. I gave away my two pet rats because I was afraid they would make noise and he would bang. I tiptoe around. I adjust my plans depending on whether he is in or not. I feel like he is taking my life away, and soon I will cease to exist.Again, thank you all so much for your varied responses. Thank you, every single one of you, very much.
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reader, llifton +, writes (27 November 2013):
 If I were you, I'd completely tune the banging out and carry on with my every day life. I'd walk around normal, flush, run the water, etc. and just get used to the banging sound. Who cares? Let his crazy ass bang all he wants.
Perhaps this man has a mental disorder. Maybe he's hearing things in his head that don't exist, which is causing him to bang. Or maybe to him they are intensified. Either way, his behavior is inappropriate in normal society. Just ignore it. Begin to get used to it as a regular noise. I'm sure he's harmless. If he hasn't confronted you yet or knocked on your door, he probably won't. Don't tip toe around. live like a normal person. And if he can't deal with it, let HIM move.
I realize you have an issue with anxiety. But don't let this man get the best of you. Just learn to laugh it off if possible and tell yourself the crazy man is knocking again. But right now, you're letting him hinder your quality of living. Don't give him that much power over you.
And no, I wouldn't be frightened. I'd just think the poor bastard was crazy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2013):
Have you tried talking to him? Maybe bring some cookies as a gesture of neighborly good will.
If you have and he is still doing this, then return the favors by stomping on the floor whenever he bangs
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reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 November 2013):
 I would not confront him
I would put on noise cancelling head phones and IGNORE him at a certain point.
IF he BANGS after a certain hour.. RECORD IT and call the police... two can play his silly game.
As for your anxiety... are you afraid of him? Do you think he will harm you?
don't write a note for his door or confront him, that will make it worse
continue to log his banging... record it and add the time to it.. (phones are great for this you can talk over it too)
as for the anxiety.. YOU are doing NOTHING wrong.. this is all about him... do other things cause anxiety like this? IF so some therapy may be in order for you... if not if it's just this guy and his crazy behavior, then you need to figure out why this guy bugs you so.... what about him pushes your buttons... would an mild anti anxiety med (such as ativan) help?
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reader, mystiquek +, writes (27 November 2013):
 I am not sure that confronting this man would be such a great thing to do. He doesn't sound like he's very stable and meeting him head on might possibly make the situation even worse. I would talk to others in the building and get everyone to sign a petition that HE is the one with a problem. As the saying goes, there is power in numbers. Definitely notate every time he does something, this is proof. I don't like confrontations so if he keeps it up I would start calling the cops so it can be proven what he is doing. There are noise ordinances and if it can be proven he's breaking them..well..maybe he'll have to leave.
I really do sympathize with you, I have been in this situation like you. We moved into a condo above an 86 year old man. We tried our best to be quiet, but with ceramic tile floors and not carpet..its not easy. He hated us from the day we moved in..he actually walked up to us the first day we moved in and said "I hope you are going to be quieter than the last person that lived above me.." What a great way to greet your neighbor, right?? UGHit was AWFUL. He was constantly berating us every time he seen us and making remarks about us. Most of the time he was drunk and it was VERY uncomfortable. We got lucky...he decided to move back to Kentucky and sold his place..thank God! But it was a year of hell for us. We had just signed a lease and moved in and if we broke it we would have lost thousands of dollars! I know what you're going through. I hope you can find a way to resolve this. If worse comes to worse and the landlord doesn't do anything, you may need to just suck it up and move out. It isn't worth the emotional stress this jerk is causing in your life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2013): I would bang on a floor everytime he does it, but that's me. This guy sounds like a nut case and we don't know how dangerous he is. You living alone might not want to make this mental case even more upset. If nothing is being done about him by authorities the only thing I see for youth do is move. This situation is not going to repeat itself. What you are experiencing is a very rare behavour. Ussualy people get alone with their neighbors for survival reasons. We have an attached 2 story house in a lovely neibourhood. We live here for 13 years, and we are great friends with all the neighbors. One crazy lady that lives on the very end of the street keeps on making fights with everyone around. She has cameras all over the place, she makes police reports that her neighbors trasspass, and verbally cursing them. But she is crazy, we all know that. Good thing is that it's not an appartment building, it's a street with private houses, and she is pretty much separated from other houses. Your situation is the same, but you live In a same building as the crazy dude, and his behavour is not avoidable. That's why I would advice you to move.
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reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (27 November 2013):
 He sounds like a real menace. Why don't you try talking to him and explaining that you find his behavior disturbing? He needs to be put in place and he needs to know that he cant order and shove people around all the time. He is the one making the most noise by banging on the walls and that is a much more annoying and offensive sound than flushing or toilets or walking around.
Refuse to be treated like shit by this guy. Complain to whoever you can, keep a record of the timings when you've been needlessly disturbed and harassed, dont get intimidated by him and refuse to get bullied. That's exactly what he's doing...he's bullying you. And bullies need to be dealt with in the right way.
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reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (27 November 2013):
 Apparently this young male acts like he’s lived there longer than you; in that he thinks he owns the place and can intimidate others by his behaviour to get what he wants – control of his environment!?
Yes he is anti-social and does have his own set of anxieties etc. Although it’s evident he goes untreated for his disorder?
For me your question came at a time when I am currently dealing with an anti-social neighbour myself… Strangely enough as tough as I am; I too am finding myself afraid or more conscious of not making noise in my backyard to upset this Bytch I have next door! Like you I am walking on egg shells and keeping an anti-social diary of her behaviour for the Real-Estate office in charge of this property.
What I feel these two type of people have in common are; they are both afraid of people putting something over them, they need to be in control… Be it right or wrong; they either exert their rights or bully you into submission to comply with their rules or way of living. This of course; means you don’t exist to them, so talking civilly to these people is futile even if and when you present them with a solution to any problem or if you wish to co-operate with them.
Be that your neighbour knows he’s been reported, he now responds worse than ever… He acts out, by showing you who’s boss and that ‘he’ won’t be pushed around; which in turn frightens you as to what could he do next if he doesn’t get his way. That my dear is the unknown for both of us as we try to go about our lives; what is this person capable of?
Why you’re so affected is because, perhaps you are sensitive to our environment and certain types of people, as am I. Generally most of us get along with our neighbours, but when one experiences a nut case it unravels us because it’s too close to home! Plus the banging in your case is a constant reminder to enforce his demands!
Be that HOME IS OUR SANCTUARY from the chaos of the world and any of those undesirable people. When faced with a nut case who lives underneath or next door to you it feels like there’s no escape, you feel vulnerable, trapped and challenged as to what to do to have sanity and harmony return.
Be that you don’t want to move and he shows no sign of stopping, plus you do have a floor as a barrier between you… You could host of a number of small parties/gatherings with your other neighbours to gather a petition? This would let him know you’re not going to be pushed around and tiptoe about :)
OR make up a sign to go on his door… QUIET PLEASE, I’M HAVING A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN!
Take Care – CAA
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2013): Keeping a diary is the supporting evidence of your complaint. There is a point where his persist banging becomes illegal. You've alerted the management. Actually, you should continue to pressure them; and petition neighbors if that becomes necessary. In the States, we have nuisance laws. After a certain number of neighborhood complaints, the landlord can be cited and fined.
It is likely that he is trying to drive you out. He may himself have anxiety or bipolar issues; which explains why he is behaving in such a persistent and unreasonable manner.
Calling the police is a good idea; because he will go on record as a nuisance. Express the distress it is causing you, to put some teeth into your complaint. I'm not suggesting you make your medical issues public, just that you're losing sleep and he knocks at your every move. It's borderline harassment.
If it is starting to effect your mental-health, and no one is seriously acting to end the problem. Move.
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reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (26 November 2013):
I can completely understand why it makes you anxious. It sounds like you live alone, which puts you in a slightly vulnerable position. Then you have an aggressive man acting weirdly a few feet below you - because it is weird to bang on the walls because someone flushed a toilet!
Some local authority housing is so poorly made that you can hear everything from neighbours. I'm guessing he's completely frazzled from noises coming from different directions and is overreacting. And now you're frazzled, too. His banging around really isn't doing any good.
Who doesn't understand how this is affecting you? If it's the local authority, you need to persist. Don't be scared to 'make a fuss' (stand up for yourself). Keep reporting and diarising his anti social behaviour.
Sounds like he should be the one moving rather than you. Though unfortunately I think it'll be quicker and easier for you to move than wait for the local authority to act and move him. Have any neighbours reported him or just you? It'll help if other people make complaints.
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reader, YouWish +, writes (26 November 2013):
 Banging is a noise ordinance. You have a right to reasonable enjoyment between 8am and 10pm. Calling the police and reporting him for making excessive noises is your right. You do not have to lose the use of your place because he's banging. It would be just like he was making too much noise, and in this case, he is.
You're doing the right thing with your building managers, and you need to bring the police in, and if you can make a video of his banging and make a note of the times, suing him for damages and emotional distress is also a possibility. Don't be intimidated by him.
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reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 November 2013):
 I would ask the company that manage the building if they can help you find another place, since they aren't doing anything about this guy.
Also... Get some ear plugs or a ipod/headset and go about your business. If you aren't make OVER the top noise just normal living in a home noises then FUCK him. IGNORE him.
I agree make a petition from all your neighbors and turn it over to the property manager. It's ridiculous.
My guess is the guy is not doing so well either in the anxiety area, maybe that is why he is being an a-hole and banging around.
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reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (26 November 2013):
Move. Maybe you can find something nearby if you like the location but move as soon as you can. Home should be your sanctuary not a prison.
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reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (26 November 2013):
Move. Maybe you can find something nearby if you like the location but move as soon as you can. Home should be your sanctuary not a prison.
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reader, CMMP +, writes (26 November 2013):
Leave a note on his door telling him that if he wants total quiet he needs to move out of an apartment building and into a cabin in the woods.
Tell him that no matter how much he bangs on the walls, yiu will be doing things that make noise, since life makes noise. Tell him that you will not adjust your behavior on his behalf, because you are not making an excess of noise and therefore not doing anything wrong, so for everyone's sake, please stop banging on walls. If that's not possible then move.
If that makes you uncomfortable, maybe you can write something a little more generic and have all your neighbors sign it. Or, even better, have your neighbors sign a petition have him kicked out.
I'd also recommend banging on the floor every time he makes a noise or bangs on the floor himself.
I'm more confrontational than some people so my advice may not be that great for you.
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reader, banditsmom1124 +, writes (26 November 2013):
 IMO id make as much noise as possible just to show him you wont be pushed around...but thats just me
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