A
male
age
36-40,
*lias me
writes:I am single,the old adage is I have really fancied this girl at work for so long, over a year in fact.We always have such a laugh, talk for ages we have so much in common it just feels right talking to her. I never did anything because she had a long term boyfriend.About 3 months ago they broke up , I decided to play it cool and let things happen if they do because I thought to myself I don't want to just be a rebound.But in that meantime this other guy at work who's already in a long term relationship has started seeing her. He was boasting about how hes cheating on his girlfriend and hes been seeing other girls as well. Not only that now hes dumping his long term girlfriend he can move in with the girl I really like. Everyone at work thinks its really romantic while I think its disgusting, I really want to confront her tell her that shes making a mistake, " how can he love her when he treated her like a bit on the side" but I cant because if he makes her happy I cant negate that.I cant physically speak to her at the moment she speaks to me I just ignore she asks me whats going on but I cant say anything, she keeps trying to hug or touch my arm as she walks past. I hate it I know shes just leading me on, what should I do its breaking my heart
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (25 November 2013):
 I too do not see how she is leading you on? by trying to talk to you? by hugging you? by touching you? that's not leading on in my opinion, that's how she interfaces with people she considers friends.
What you should do since you love her is want her to be happy even if it's NOT with you... so you wish her well and move on.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (25 November 2013):
I think you are behaving kind of immature about it. She's not leading you on... You had your chance and you didn't take it. If you really like someone, you don't make those kind of mistakes.
At this point if you can deal with working with her and be polite to her, then you should find somewhere else to work.
In the meantime, it would also benefit you to try to realize that you probably aren't in love with someone who you don't have a relationship with, you're infatuated, there's a difference.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (25 November 2013):
 Why do you say she is just leading you on?
From reading your letter at first I thought you had loved from the sidelines, and that this girl knew nothing of your true feelings. If you really feel that she is leading you on, then at some stage she became aware of your true feelings ... yes or no?
If she was never aware of your feelings then your ignoring her and refusing to talk seems rude, and probably in her eyes, uncalled for.
Try talking to her, take her for a coffee somewhere, and talk to her, tell her how you view the guy she is now dating, tell her you thought she was better than that, tell her you don't think its romantic, and tell he due to all the above you now find it difficult to talk to her.
Clear the air, you don't need to declare your feelings for her at this stage, and she might be pretty pissed with you, but that isn't going to make the situation any worse than it is now, is it! On the other hand your honesty might open her eyes to the guy and she may recognise she is rushing in where angels would fear to tread.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 November 2013):
 I would stay out of it. Here you have two people who had experienced the staleness of long term relationship and just want to focus on passion and not think about the future. It sounds like you are losing already. To say anything to her is to show your jealousy. They would rebound with each other and when it doesn't work the girl would come back to you. You need to detach and realize what you have is not love, but rather an attachment to a potential.
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