A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:just over 4 years ago I had an affair with a man who was married, it was very brief and it only lasted a few months.I then moved on and met a man who I eventually married and we had a son together bet we split up a year and a half ago. A few months ago this same man messaged me on facebook and we exchanged numbers and had a catch up then we eventually met up, even though he had a new girlfriend.We ended up sleeping together and we have 3 times over the last month and we talk quite frequently.I have now found out im pregnant and he is the only man I have slept with, he knows I am pregnant and knows he is the only one ive slept with and it says it is my decision In what I choose.Part of me feels like telling his girlfriend everything but he will not be with me and his child. What shall i do? tell her everything? He keeps saying that it is not ideal for us to have a child, plus I am 22 and hes 45
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2013): I'm sorry, but you should just take a step back & really look. You are the other women. The younger fling. He won't leave his wife for you. & I'm sure he really doesn't care about the child.
Do yourself a favor & stop sleeping w/man who has a gf. Focus on your kids. That's what mothers do, not wasting time on a man who already uses her.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (26 November 2013):
 How is telling her going to help you? Do you think she'll dump him and he'll come running back to you and you'll be one big happy family? If he's cheated on his girlfriend without any qualms, either she already knows or will very shortly. There's something called a woman's intuition and trust me, that's very strong. Forget about this man and his girlfriend, let them deal with their problems.
As for you, focus on the bigger issue here. Are YOU prepared to bring a child into this world and give it the best upbringing that you can? Will you have help from your family? Are you independent?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (25 November 2013):
 what do you think telling her will do? do you think she will dump him so he will run to you? NOT going to happen.
IF you want to keep this child be aware this man will not be the father you want for this child. You will be a single mum even if you get support payments.. I doubt he will ever step up and be a real dad to this child.
you will have to take him to court and get court ordered paternity and then court garnished child support...she will find out soon enough.
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A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (25 November 2013):
You are looking for revenge. Whether you want to admit it or not, you are. Telling his girlfriend will not make you his girlfriend, wife or friend. You doing these actions are only going to hurt you in the long run.
You need to decide on what is good for you and the baby. A child deserves a loving, caring parent(s). You also need to be prepared to be a single parent. Are you prepared for that responsibility of the hardship of being a single parent? A child is also a wonderful gift. Use it wisely.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 November 2013):
 Telling HER will do nothing for you Other then make you out to be a cow. You already knew he had a GF when you slept with him, just like you knew he had a wife the first time around.
By telling HER what do you hope to accomplish? Her leaving and him "settling" for you?
Have you been to the doctor and talked about your options? Are you ready to be a single mom? Maintenance or not from this fella, YOU need to be able to take care of a child.
He is 45 and this irresponsible? No wonder he doesn't want a child.
I'm sorry, you main focus should be on you and whatever YOU want to do.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (25 November 2013):
It's not so much about telling her, to be honest. It's now more about knowing your rights and making sure that he understands his own responsibilities. I think you'd be better off speaking to these people:
http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/
who can offer totally free advice to you,. You also need to go to this site:
https://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance
so you know what you're entitled to from him. You will also need to know where you stand with regards to him seeing the baby etc.
I just don't think telling her everything is the most important thing right now. You need to be looking out for yourself, and your baby. She'll find out sooner rather than later anyway.
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