A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I lent a friend (Nick) a DVD box set about 18 months ago. I then broke up with my boyfriend (it was awful) and I needed to go down the no contact route. This meant that I didn't see Nick nearly as much anymore because I was no longer going to the places where he hung out. I tried to maintain the friendship with Nick but this hasn't really happened now that he don't hang-out together. We chat and say hi if we bump into each other in the street (he only lives a few streets away from me) We exchange pleasantries but that's about it. No great shakes - he wasn't a bosom buddy or anything but he still has my DVDs.Every time I've seen him I've reminded him in a friendly way that he still has them and he promises to reurn them but it's never happened.A few weeks ago, I called him and actually asked for them back (rather than simply reminding them that he had them). He agreed that he would come round the next Friday evening to return them. He didn't show. I tried to call him to ask him where he was but no reply. He sent me a text the following day apologising (he'd forgotten) and agreed he come round on Sunday evening to return them. Again no show.On the Monday I asked him if the problem was that he'd lost the DVDs and didn't like to tell me but he assured me that he had them ready to bring back but he'd been so exhausted on Sunday he'd fallen asleep. We then tried to arrange another evening/afternoon but it turned out our schedules clashed completely for the next week. He offered to leave them doorstep to my block of flats (not a great idea in our neighbourhood) and to post them in my letterbox (being a box set they won't fit unless I'm prepared to loose all the boxes - the set was a gift and I want to keep it intact)We agreed to leave it till the following weekend but he made no attempt to contact me and I had no reply out of him since. I've tried going round to his house during "sociable" hours to ask for them back but he's never in.What can I actually do to get him to return my property? It seems ridiculous to threaten him with the police and small claims courts over a DVD box set. I can't threaten him with sending round two oafs with thick necks and big muscles (I don't know anybody like that even if it were legal!) We don't have any mutual friends (aside from my ex) so there's no-one else I could ask to put gentle pressure on him and keep reminding him.Is it acceptable to bang on someone's door at 11pm (or 6am) and demand property back? I can't really think of what else I'm supposed to do without making some kind of scene.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (27 November 2013):
 I see your update and you got them back
I do not think he was deliberately not giving them to you.. perhaps he has ADHD and kept forgetting and feeling crummy that he forgot.
I'm glad it's resolved for you
A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (27 November 2013):
 Hi, Can he just not send a registered mail, where you collect at the post office? This should resolve the problem, unless he is not interested in returning it to you.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (27 November 2013):
 By all means just GO to his house whenever you think he'll be home, preferably in the morning, and get them back! You don't need to justify anything to him, they're yours and you need them and if he had even in iota of decency, he would have given them back.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2013): UPDATE
I'm the original poster but I don't know how to indicate that. Just to say that I did take the bull by the horns and make a visit to him at 11.30pm
DVDs back - no problem.
I just guess I get sick of always being everybody's last priority. Including my familiy's.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2013): What is the value of this DVD set and how old are they? Are they really worth all the trouble?
He is avoiding you; because if he and your ex are buddies, he may have just thrown them away out of spite months ago. His loyalties obviously lie with your ex.
All this running around should set off a light-bulb over your head. He doesn't have them anymore, or destroyed them being a dick. He knows you're spoiling for a big dramatic row over those DVD's. If all they're worth is sentimental value, then don't waste so much energy. It's becoming petty.
It's been almost two years and he probably can't remember whatever happened to them.
Stop making a big deal over this; and write Nick, your ex, and the DVD's off. They're all just reminders of a bad time, and not worth all this drama. You didn't miss them over a year ago? They're all worn out and dusty after all this time.
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (26 November 2013):
 Sometimes these simple requests like asking for your property back (18 months later) do become a test in how we deal with people who are avoiding us?
It’s an awkward feeling for some of us to keep asking; having to confront the situation when a person is obviously making bullshit excuses and trying to avoid you by stupidly offering to leave the DVD’s at the doorstep!?
I guess you’ll just have to calm down and politely TELL Nick you’ll be over his place to collect the DVD’s on ---day at ---pm! If Nick lives with someone, he can place the box-set in a bag with your name on it for them to hand it over to you if he’s out or never in. Text him after you picked it them up that the set is complete or not.
All these messages via text are proof; that he acknowledges he has possession of your property and that you asked for there return.
Take Care – CAA
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 November 2013):
 I don't normally think 6am or 11 pm is acceptable, but I would call him and ask when YOU can come over and pick them up because you WANT them back now. That way it's a LITTLE harder for him to "forget".
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 November 2013):
 If Nick isn't your ex, then why can't you go there? And is he at his home any time other than in the middle of the night or early morning? If so, just go over there and get them, end of story.
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A
female
reader, banditsmom1124 +, writes (26 November 2013):
 Is it acceptable to bang on someone's door at 11pm (or 6am) and demand property back? I can't really think of what else I'm supposed to do without making some kind of scene...in this case YES!!!
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