A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a long distance relationship for almost 4 years. Typical love story, we met while travelling to our home town at a friend's place, we met we hit it off instantly, we promised to keep in touch, we emailed, we sent text messages, spent hours on the phone, got together on the weekend and I sent him a lot of surprises. We are compatible, we finish each other sentences, we spoke about moving in together and about getting married. He is divorced has 2 grown up kids !! Everything was great but then things suddenly changed after almost 2 years into this relationship - if you want to call it a relationship - . He began to become more controlling, doesn't put any effort in our relationship, does not like it when I tell what I would like to do. We had several discussions about how he treats me and that he should put more effort in our relationship.FYI - Just before some people start to judge me, I am very flexible, I don't cling, I'm not demanding and I am very independent.I am just in love and would like to spend more time with him.Now he doesn't want to marry, doesn't want to meet if I initiate the idea of a visit, does not want to spend more time together i.e. a long weekend or extended vacation, does not answer the phone if i call him randomly without discussing it - he never did - he always asked me to call him whenever it is convenient for him. I'm the one doing the travel too. About a month ago I asked if he has time for us to get together, he said no, he has no time for me and won't be able to meet till the end of the year. 2 weeks later he asked me if I can visit for 1 night only ??? I didn't and i couldn't fly for an hour and a half for just 1 day !!He did not reply my question when I said I thought he has a busy schedule till Christmas and has not time to see me now he wants to get together for 1 day? I then asked him a week ago if we could at least speak on the phone since we haven't spoken for a while, and if he could call me this weekend, he did not reply and did not call me either. Should I cut all connection? should I email him that I am done with this relationship? or would you say I am overreacting? I appreciate your help in advance.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2013): thank you all for taking the time to read my posting and reply. I really appreciate it, all your thoughts will help me be strong enough not give in. It seems that we all agree on breaking off all ties without any further explanation. It's going to be tough, it's going to be difficult and very hard for me not to keep on touch with him after all it's been 4 years. I do miss him I'm not gonna lie about it but deep inside, I'm hurt very much to know he doesn't miss me in the same way and also he doesn't care enough to make me happy in at all "Pinktopaz" is right, he doesn't even attempt when I ask him for anything, that said and just for the records, he did send me within last week only 2 funny emails after I asked him to call me on the weekend and he did not respond. He usually sends a lot of forwards emails through the day on a daily basis but not last week. I am assuming he wanted to see my reaction but I did not respond at all as I was waiting for him to call which he did not.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 November 2013):
 At your age after 2 years if you are still LDR it's GOING nowhere... even without your details...
he is not into you like you are into him... time to fish or cut bait and since he's not fishing you need to move on...
it's over with this guy... sadly it never really began.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (25 November 2013):
 I agree, I think he may already have another girlfriend or at least be looking.
Men like to have options and you were an important option and now you arnt a high priority (hence the lack of calls and texts and the shitty attitude he has towards you)
He asked you to fly out for one night, firstly because he wanted to see how much control he has over you and also to prove how much he can use you and drop you.
You are not a clingy woman, you are just a woman who is trying to salvage what she though was a viable relationship...but it was crashing and burning when he first began to go on the turn.
I agree wit CIAR, no explainations, just delete, block and move on because you have some healing to do.
I just wanna say that I am so sorry things went this way for you...some people are just assholes and the trick is to take notice when things are failing and get out as quickly as possible.
Hugs xxx
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (25 November 2013):
 You're not over reacting. He was charming in the beginning, but he's turned back into a toad.
You know, I don't think I'd even bother sending him a break up email. Just block and delete him and let him figure it out.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (25 November 2013):
 Oh my god, no, you're not over reacting at all. You literally aren't in a relationship. you don't ever talk on the phone and you're long distance? When you're long distance, you only have the phone to stay in touch. And if you do call, he won't even answer. That's extremely rude and ridiculous. You also never see each other for god knows how long at a time. And he never makes effort to come to you.
You're absolutely right - you are the only one in the relationship who is doing anything. he's making NO effort.
If I were you, I'd leave this guy. What are you getting out of it anyway? And are you sure he's not got another full on relationship behind your back while you're away? Could explain why he never answers your calls. Kinda hard to talk to your girlfriend when you're in front of your other girlfriend. He may not live with her, so he can kinda hide you two from each other for the most part and talk to you when he's not around her. That would also explain why he can't see you but for just one day, and other than that, he has no other time for you.
I could be way off. But maybe not. Just throwing that out there.
Dump this guy. He's literally become a waste of your time.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (25 November 2013):
I also find it odd that you have to arrange phone calls with him. In a normal relationship (long distance or not) you're pretty free-at-will to call whenever. Did he give you a legit reason for that? Or did he just say so? Because it does sound like he's not really single if you have to prearrange your phone calls.
You're definitely not overreacting. It sounds like you're trying to put all you can into the relationship and he's doing pretty much nothing. It doesn't sound like you're being clingy at all! Just that you want the other half of your relationship to at least act like they care about you!
I think you should dump him. He isn't making you happy and he doesn't make an attempt to even when you tell him. I don't think you really owe him an explanation unless he asks for it. If I were you, I'd just fall off the face of the Earth and stop bothering with him. I'd be frustrated and over it by now. You should quit wasting your time with him. Sounds like this relationship is going nowhere and you deserve to be with someone that wants to spend their time with you...and not have to have prearranged phone calls.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 November 2013):
 First of all are you sure he is really single? The whole can't reach him on the phone unless pre-arranged just doesn't seem normal at all, but then again not a whole lot about the thing you mention sounds normal to me.
I would not call and end it, I would JUST stop on my end. There is no point you keep giving and giving and TRYING and he does nothing. If he does get hold of you, then just tell him it's over and then block him from your phone, e-mail, FB or whatnot. CUT him out of your life.
He wants you to FLY out for 1 day? And pay for the flight and travel too, right? Yes, not worth it.
That is a long 4 years of nothing. I would think that after a year or 2 at the max that EITHER of you would have tried to move closer to make it a "real" relationship, but if he has never really put forth any effort I can see why it dragged out.
Stop wasting your time, money, effort and happiness on this man.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (25 November 2013):
 You are not overreacting and you should cut him loose. The relationship reached its climax once you talked about the future. There is no more sweetness to add to the top so it has to go downhill. The controlling is just to keep you in your place so the sweetness does not have to end so soon. He was either lying about his divorce or he has a live in girlfriend, or he is dating others at the same time. The convenience of long distance is that people can dress themselves as anything and you won't ever suspect once the rapport is built.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (25 November 2013):
 Personally in my head it would be over already, I would not email, I would not phone, I would just let it, and him, slide silently away. He has already withdrawn from the relationship.
Maybe in a few months he might wake up and the light globe come on !DING! but probably not.
You have already invested to much time, money, travel and emotion into this one way relationship, why put yourself to the bother of exerting the energy to your fingertips to type an email or to dial his number.
He can't call you, he doesn't bother responding, just cut the connection, accept this was a lesson learned, and move on. He certainly seems to have done so!
Be tough on yourself, you CAN do this!
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