A
female
age
30-35,
*pendy
writes:Why do I feel this way about him? Am I being paranoid?I've been seeing this guy my friends husband set me up with.They say good things about him all the time and he seems nice so far.I starting a well paid job in a few months and he says he's proud of me and was asking about the pay yesterday. I told him I'm not sure and he said I should find out how much I'd be getting and he kept asking if I'd be getting more pay than a nurse. He asked if I'd be getting a certain amount and I said I don't know. I felt very uncomfortable.He says he's been single and haven't had sex for 2 and half years, but I don't think I believe that and I'd like to get him checked out before I do anything with him. How do I bring it up?Am I being paranoid?I'm 24 and he's 28
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (25 November 2013):
 YOU are not married to him, therefore you INCOME is not his concern.... Unless you are married then he can ask all he wants and I'd say to him with "THAT LOOK" "really? you think it's appropriate to ask me my salary? SERIOUSLY?" and when he says "yeah sure and justifies it with some nonsense you can say "well we disagree, MY INCOME IN NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS" HOW very rude of him.
As for asking for blood work, that's easy... you say to him "before we are intimate I will be getting blood work done and showing you the printout, I expect the same from you"
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (25 November 2013):
 No, you're not being paranoid. Extremely rude to ask about your income, and he did it several times.
I wouldn't even be thinking about sex at this point. Especially if you don't feel comfortable with this man. Way too soon to making these kinds of plans.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2013): For some people money is an important way they size up other people. Some men do not want to date or marry a woman who earns more than them because it makes them feel emasculated. This could be why he wants to know how much you earn. Alternatively some men do want to date or marry women who are financially independent because they want an egalitarian relationship not one where their girlfriend or wife is a financial dependent on them. So this could also be why he wants to know how much you earn.
Both are fair reasons but I think inappropriate for him to ask so early in the relationship.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (24 November 2013):
 I can't comment on paranoia... but CAN confirm for you that you're posing a couple of questions that make no sense at this time.....
Good luck..
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A
female
reader, shna  +, writes (24 November 2013):
 Just tell this man for your own piece of mind that you would like if he was checked before you took your relationship any further ... Offer to do it yourself aswell so your both of the same level and he doesnt feel like your insulting him !! Tell him that even if he has not had sex for two year you can still carry something without knowing about it !! Your better safe then sorry and if he is not going to agree then he is not worth your time !
On the money issue - its not his buisness how much money you make simple keep it to yourself & just tell him you would prefer not to talk about money as it makes you uncomfortable !!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 November 2013):
 I agree with C Grant.
None of his beeswax what you earn.
I wouldn't be vague, but tell him that what you earn is really not something you want to share. Don't beat around the bush. Has he told you what he makes? Have you asked? I would however ASK him why he is so fascinated with your income. My guess is he wants to date someone who is financially stable.
Now perhaps later when you two go further and even consider living together you two can talk about income/budget and so forth, but for someone NEW, it's not something you have to disclose.
I don't know how long you have known him, but I would tell him that you will be taking a STD panel and BEFORE you two get intimate that you would like for him to do the same. Not having had sex in years doesn't mean he is "clean" of std's.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (24 November 2013):
 The most charitable interpretation I can give his questions is that he's socially awkward and really doesn't undertand basic manners. It's no one's business how much you earn -- certainly not somebody you've just started seeing. What good reason could he have for wanting to know? And to press you like that? Great big read flag IMO.
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