A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My parents got divorced when I was around 12 years old. My parents sold their house, and I moved into a new one with my mom and grandma. My dad got his own place and I would spend time there every other weekend. A few years after my father moved to Florida when I was 16.It was a hard concept to grasp that my father didn’t seem to care enough to make sure he was here for me growing up. It made me feel remorse but at the same time I couldn’t bring myself to hate him. It was a rough time for me, I felt disappointed in him and in a sense let down. I just couldn’t make out why me and my father’s relationship came to this. As I got older time went on and I got wiser. I told myself that I didn’t need anyone who didn’t need me. It was time to focus on myself and my future. I just learned to accept things I could not change. The only thing im truly grateful for is my wonderful mother. She been my rock threw everything ive ever encountered in my life. She’s been there for me no matter what, always helped me make the right choices, and has never let me down. She is a smart, strong, independent woman that basically raised me on her own, and even when times weren’t great it just pushed her to work harder for me and my grandma. She has earned the entirety of my heart. Today me and my dad have an ok relationship, we talk almost every day and I go to visit him around twice a year. Ive gotten used to the way things are now. I grew up into a very productive person who works and attends college and feel pretty content with my life, but sometimes deep down I still feel upset about what happened and unsure of the decision I made to still keep in contact with my father, or even bring up the whole issue. I think the conflict with my father was never really solved or even brought to his attention because in his eyes he didn’t do anything wrong. I don’t know how I should deal with this or if I should even deal with it all. Does anyone have any advice?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2013): I understand what your saying but I just feel like a good father would have been here for his daughter 16 is still not an adult. and if he really cared and loved me the way he said he did he wouldn't be able to bare not seeing me. He moved to florida on his own free will. It kinda bothers me that he thought that was ok because he had responabilles here that he just wanted nothing to do with. And my mom never told me to not talk to my father she wants me to.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 November 2013):
 By the time we are 16 we are heading towards adulthood.
You talk to your dad almost every day. You see him twice a year now.... and saw him every other weekend between 12 and 16...
I talk to my dad once a week and see him maybe once a year for a couple of days... that's it.
Growing up means separating from our parents and I see nothing wrong with your relationship with your father at all.
YOU did not divorce your father.. HIS wife did. just because YOU happen to be her child as well does not mean you have to turn your back on him.
do you feel like you are betraying your mother by being in touch with and caring about your dad?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2013): Please don't let your relationship with your father die without actually knowing all of his reasons.
Have an honest and mature conversation with him the next time you visit him like Aunty BimBim suggests, let him know why you feel upset. Maybe his actions weren't wrong is his eyes and he just needs you to let him know so he can improve your relationship.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (23 November 2013):
 You visited with your father every second weekend until you turned 16. So it does not really seem to me that he was a dead beat dad.
You have not mentioned why he moved, maybe he felt at 16 and after 4 years of ensuring you were okay, it would be okay for him to move on with his life.
You are still talking almost daily, and still visiting him twice yearly, that is a whole lot more than my daughter got from her father.
I think a good, long, honest, adult chat is in order, so next time you visit, ask him why he chose to leave when he did, ask him why Florida, and, without accusing, let him know that you felt he was abandoning you in some way (not my reading of the situation btw).
Sometimes the people we love are unable to love us back in the way we want them to, so we have to accept they will love us the way they can.
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