A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, I have been with my bf for a few months and recently I invited my bf to meet my parents. What irks me is that I am not allowed to close the door when I am alone with him in my room. We don't always on the airconditioner but sometimes we do. I told my parents if they wanted to, they were always welcomed to just enter the room. I don't lock the door and they don't even have to knock. But after a few visits, my dad told me we weren't allowed to close the door. I feel frustrated because it feels like they don't trust me. I think they think that when we close the door, we would go beyond 2nd base (which is appalling to my conservative parents). While I enjoy intimacy with my bf, we only hug and kiss and a little privacy would be appreciated (hence we prefer the door closed). There also isn't any reason for them to not trust him because he is a sweet guy who always sends me home on time whenever we go out. How can I let them allow me to close the door when he is around.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2013): When your parents have their own guests, do they go to the bedroom with the guests and close the door? How would that make you feel? Uncomfortable on some level?
It is their house so they have the right to make the rules. You don't like their rules, then get your own place to live.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (25 November 2013):
 The only way to get your parents to permit you to close the door to your room in their home is for you to buy the home from them and then it's YOUR HOME.
Sorry in my house there would be no bedroom door closed with opposite sex visitors either... IF I even LET the boy into my daughter's bedroom.
do mom and dad entertain their friends in their bedroom?
NO? neither did my children. they had a children's "playroom" where they could go but it was in the open room of the basement and we would come and go as we pleased...
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (25 November 2013):
 OP, you're fortunate that your parents allow you to entertain your boyfriend in your room at all. Especially if they're conservative.
This tells me they like your boyfriend and trust you both to a point, but they also know you're both as human as the next person.
Your parents don't entertain their friends in their bedroom, do they? I know I don't invite my friends to hang out in mine. I think your parents are being more than reasonable.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (25 November 2013):
 He's a "sweet guy" so you MUST have the door closed...... RIiiiiggghhttt!!!! I'm with your parents....
Good luck... and, get a hotel room when you want to go to "second base"......
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 November 2013):
 You can't MAKE your parents do anything. You live in a conservative country (when it comes you young people and sexuality) so it's not a strange request that you leave the door open. Now if you parents put a chair in the doorway and sat there and watched you it would be over the top.
Respect your parents wishes.
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (24 November 2013):
 Well, your parents won't budge. You're at least allowed to have your boyfriend in your room! I have to sit in the lounge with the entire family not that i'm complaining, it's actually nice but yeah that's how it is. If i want privacy i go outside, which isn't even private at all but i can talk freely . . . And that's all you need space to do at this point. Goodluck
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (24 November 2013):
 If I were your mother you could talk to until you were blue in the face and that door would remain open. Actually it would be a waste of your time anyway because you and your boyfriend would be in the living room.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (24 November 2013):
 As long as you live with your parents, you have to do what they say out of respect for them. Most parents wouldn't be too comfortable to have their teenage daughter in her room with her boyfriend and with the door closed and I don't think they're asking for too much here. Once you're independent and have your own place, you can do what you want.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (24 November 2013):
 Have a talk to your parents, tell them that you dont feel they trust you and that you would like to be able to close the door. If they don't agree (and a lot of parents wouldn't) then maybe make a plan to move out into your own place. That way you can have all the privacy you want.
My parents never allowed me to have a boy in my room, I left home at 18 and got my own place, then they could not say anything.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2013): You can't "make" them allow you to do that. When you get your own place, you'll have the freedom to do that and that freedom is only a few years away at most. Honestly, I think you're LUCKY they even let you in the bedroom at all, my parents never let me have FEMALE friends in my bedroom let alone a boyfriend. And the fact that you went to first place? My parents once kicked a guy out of the house for that! You don't need privacy like that, just sit and talk and be good. You have the rest of your life to make out with whoever you want in the privacy of your own home.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2013): I don't really blame your parents for not giving you this privacy. Show them some respect - it's their house and you are their daughter. If you say you are fine with them walking in unannounced, what's wrong with having the door open. When you move out, you can go to whichever base you like with whomever you choose.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2013): As a mother raising two girls, and also being in your shoes not that long ago. I can see both sides to this situation .. I think my plan if I were you, would be to approach my mum .. (in this case you go to mum) and just ask if it could be possible to have the door closed .. If they want they can come into your room at intervals to see what's going on if they need to (I do think they should knock) that you are not foolish enough to do anything until marriage .. That said I have been in your position and to be honest if petting becomes heavy then all boundaries just seem to fly out the window .. It isn't that he isn't a sweet guy or any of that its just your parents know how far things can easily go .. If your 18teen I would maybe suggest to your parents not fully closing the door but keeping it slightly ajar ??? So they can popped their heads round ..lolIf you're 21 then I would suggest the talk on closing the door and that they knock and then enter every 40 minutes or so if they are afraid of things occurring under their roof .. It is hard situation as certainly you can have sex anywhere if you two wished not just in your room lol but I do feel you need to approach this in a manner that doesn't get up mamma and papas nose ..Be light and set out the points you have here and best of all good luck and let us know what mamma and papa said ..Take care .
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A
male
reader, devont +, writes (24 November 2013):
 Honestly, I don't think you can. Just out of respect for them, if they've asked you not to do something in their house, then try not to do it. Just keep the door as close to being shut as possible. It psychological anyway, if the door is pulled to, they can't see in, and it is pretty much the same amount of effort to open the door if it is shut or not. So pull it too and imagine it is shut!
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