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My boyfriend tells his best female friend that she is pretty and they talk about graphic sex

Tagged as: Dating, Friends, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 November 2013) 9 Answers - (Newest, 27 November 2013)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I have been dating my boyfriend for around six months now and we are very happy. He has a female best friend that he is very close to and says how much he loves her. He openly admits they talk about sex quite grafically and tell eachother when they are horny, what turns them on etc. He told me he ithinks shes the prettiest of all his friends and i cant help but feel upset. Should I be worried?

View related questions: best friend, horny

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (27 November 2013):

So_Very_Confused agony auntI'm betting the ONLY reason she's his BEST FRIEND is cause she WON'T DATE HIM. I bet if she would go out with him and have sex with him you would not be dating him.

He's settling for friendship with her when he probably wants more with her and if he denies it, he's either lying to you or to himself.

Ask her girl to girl without him around..... (if she is his best friend you should know her... if he keeps you two apart the RED FLAG of their relationship is too big to ignore.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2013):

He is basically telling you he has another girlfriend. But he doesn't call her that otherwise you will leave. He cannot be monogamous and wants to have more than one woman.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2013):

Don't let this go on any longer, that is insulting and totally disrespectful. I would have a few choice words for this guy. I am sure you are better looking than this girl and another guy will notice you. Something good is waiting for you. Good luck

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A female reader, Ciar Canada +, writes (26 November 2013):

Ciar agony auntWorried...I'd say you should be irritated to be treated like a chump.

Your boyfriend is flirting and carrying on with another woman right under your nose and he thinks that by hiding in plain sight he can convince others he isn't doing anything wrong.

The only reason she is his 'best friend' is because she's pretty, and their so called friendship is based on mutual sexual attraction. Nothing more. If either one of them were to suffer some disfiguring injury, the friendship would end very quickly.

The time for worrying has long since passed. I'd say it was time to send him packing.

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy +, writes (26 November 2013):

Anonymous 123 agony auntIf a guy tells you that he has a pretty female friend whom he loves, is very close to, discusses graphic sex with and gets horny, then how exactly are YOU his girlfriend? And if you are, then what kind of a strange relationship is it that he shares with the other woman?

YES you should be worried!! This kind of talk is disrespectful to say the very least and if he's so into her, then let him date her! Why are you with him?

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (26 November 2013):

person12345 agony auntYes you should be worried. It is not appropriate to be talking about things like that with someone he is attracted to. I have had conversations like that with my straight female friends, but I would never dream of talking like that to male friends, especially single attractive ones. That's just crossing a line. So is saying he loves her. I agree with CaringGuy, you shouldn't play second fiddle.

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A female reader, desiree075 Canada +, writes (25 November 2013):

How can I answer your question, when you don't talk about how he treats YOU? Is he nicer to her than he is to you?

I wouldn't be as quick as CaringGuy to stay that "he wants her, not you." But how often do you feel this way? It's not the healthiest way to feel.

I have female best friends and though I do find them attractive, this neither means that I want to have sex with them, nor do I want a relationship with them. Still, I am a bisexual woman, and your boyfriend is a boy, probably much younger than I am. I would be surprised if it HADN'T crossed his mind.

It's normal to share your thoughts with your friends, but what struck me as particularly inappropriate is that they tell each other when they are horny. Wow! I don't think that's very respectful to you, horny moments should be shared with your significant other, and that's it.

Why don't you talk to him about this?

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A female reader, KC12 United States +, writes (25 November 2013):

KC12 agony auntYes you should be worried. You need to get OUT of this relationship ASAP. The female he should be closest to--of ANYBODY with the exception of his mama and sisters--and the ONLY person he should be talking about these things to is YOU!

I hate to say this but you just need to kick him to the curb before you wind up getting hurt worse. It's not a good situation for you to be in. At all.

Take care of YOU, and go find someone who gives you 100% not split 50/50 with someone else.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (25 November 2013):

Yes. He wants her, not you. Hate to tell you that, but this guy isn't worth your time at all. To have a best female friend is one thing, but to be talking graphic sex, telling her he loves her and all that, then telling you all this - that's taking the p**s. If I were you, I'd be dumping this one and finding someone who actually loves and respects you.

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