A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My friend and have been fighting non stop for the past week! I am at the point where I can not stand him and that I am starting to hate him! We will be together a year next month. He moved in a few months ago and things was great. Until now he don't want me around the friends that he goes to church with cause he says he's nervous because I might not talk to them unles they talk to me and I'm shy and not out going. I've only met his mom once cause she don't like me. And another thing is he is very messy! I work at a day care and sometimes it gets stressful. I work my but off cleaning my house and when I get home its a mess I have a 2 year old daughter but he's not her dad. Anyway he watched her and lets her get into everything he's to busy on his phone or playing his game. There is always dishes trash clothes and everything else in the floor and its nasty. I've bitched and bitched at him over it and he still doesn't listen I am so fed up! I feel like me not getting to be around his friends is a problem cause if we get married if we make it that far am I always gonna not be abke to hangout with his friends and him? Will he always be lazy and mess up my house while I'm at work. He works as well but he could still help around the house don't you think? I have tried talking to him and it Just doesn't do any good. Should I end this relationship?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 November 2013):
 Getting married will only make it worse.
Honeypie is right you need to find a responsible baby sitter.
You also need to set up chores for him to do and when he does not do them you must be strong and he must suffer the consequences.
YOU do not cook for him
you do not clean for him
you do not do his laundry
when he makes a mess pick it up and put it with his stuff....
personally I'd make him move out since he can't behave as an adult living on their own behaves
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (24 November 2013):
 I agree with Honeypie. You don't have a 2-year old watched by someone who is NOT watching her, unless you want Mr. Fork and Mrs. Electrical socket to become fast friends. Seriously, a 2-year old needs supervision, or there will be trouble.
Other than that, he's watching your kid who isn't his? How much would you be paying for this kid to be at a babysitter or day care if he wasn't there? If you work at a day care, why isn't your kid with you? Do you not get a discount?
And does he work? Or is he unemployed living at the house eating the food? If he's not working, he needs to keep the place clean and maybe cook as his contribution to the house. If he does work full time or he works from home, then the house chores are 50/50. He's watching your kid. Now, his slobbery is his responsibility, and if he's watching your kid and not working as his contribution to the house, he needs to clean.
If he's not working, and he's trashing the house and NOT watching your kid, then by god, kick him out! But something tells me that you're getting a deal in not taking your kid to day care. Meaning you'll have to choose between a slob for a guy, or you having to pick up the tab for day care and kicking the guy out.
As for his friends, he's full of crap regarding your shyness. It's one of two things, and I have a guess as to which one it is:
1. He's done things he doesn't want you to know about or things he misrepresented about himself that talking with them would reveal. Being that his friends are from church, I'm less inclined to think that this is it, but I won't rule it out.
2. He thinks they'll steal you from him. I think this is more the case. If you're good looking, working, got it together, then he's like a dog with a bone, growling and keeping the other stronger dogs away from his prize, which is you. Of course he doesn't want you around his friends, especially the ones with the powerful arms and dreamy eyes and smelling good, because he's terrified that you'll drop the smelly slobby hound dog in a hot minute.
If you're working and he ain't, he knows the precarious position he finds himself in! As for his mom not liking you, it could be a combination of many things, but it boils down to nobody being good enough for her precious son (by the way, she should have taught him to clean up for himself, am I right?!...heh...I bet she tried her hardest!).
Like Honeypie said, you need to lay the law down with him and tell him that if he wants to continue living there, he needs to keep the house clean, no exceptions. Otherwise, send him back to his mom.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 November 2013):
 Well, if you don't know how to set boundaries and rules you will end up raising two children, HIM and your daughter.
Sit down with him and make a chore list. Divide the chore list. Bitching at him (as you call it) doesn't work, so why keep at it? TELL him how things need to be.
I would ALSO find someone else to watch your daughter he doesn't sound at all reliable. I'm sorry, BUT I would not let anyone watch my 2 year old if he doesn't ACTUALLY watch and interact with her.
I would also explain HOW you like your house. He might not quite get how you feel about having a tide and clean house (my bet is his mom cleaned up after him too, so he is expecting you to do it as well).
Then with regards to his friends, THAT IS BS. That he is scared you won't talk to them? You have been together for 2 years and you still haven't met them? That is a red flag. And not OK. His mom not liking you is more common, but at least you have met her.
If he can't comply he needs to move out. You can still date but I don't think it's fair you have to clean up after a grown man.
A RING on your finger and some pretty vows won't change a thing.
I think you have a lost cause on your hand here.
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