A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So it’s the end of the semester and there are only a few classes left. I want to ask my professor on a date. She’s my age if not younger. I’m in my 30’s and going back to school full time. We’ve spoken outside class and she seems interested. She knew when I stopped by my excuse was a front to talk to her. She even had me wait as other students stopped by. Just as we had some privacy another faculty member needed her help and she had to go. We are obviously very attracted to each other and I would really like to see this if could work. She is also only there for one more semester as she is a visiting professor and may be going to another school to teach. I would wait until the last class to ask her out but it is a final exam and after she will not be at the office on any particular schedule after as she has described to the whole class. So do I swing by her office again and try my luck? Do I jot down my phone number on the final so she doesn’t date someone she is teaching? These are my only two options as I don’t want to send an email for numerous reasons.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (27 November 2013):
 Professors at the University that I work at cannot date an enrolled student whether they are in a class of theirs or not. Period. Since I've been here (13 years) I've known of 3 who have been fired but most likely there have been more. Once she leaves your university there would certainly be no problem but I guess you can only ask her.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 November 2013):
 Because ANY woman is not a professor who has a contract with the university and a position of authority to uphold and probably a morals clause as well.
if it was just any girl in class, I doubt this would even be a concern for the OP.... but it's a person of authority over him and that's the issue... Women in Authority roles have to handle male attention differently.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2013): I agree with Like I see it. Contact her next semester and report back here!
I don't understand why SVC seems so negative. What she said would be true of almost any woman you didn't know well, and sometimes they are interested. Just be nice and polite.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 November 2013):
When the class started the professor probably gave you as a class her contact information including phone numbers and office hours. IF you are really that sure you are willing to take the risk and ask her out (what do you know of her private life?) then you could call her office or show up during office hours after you are no longer her student.
But be totally prepared to be “blown off” nicely. If she’s young and that attractive to you I’m sure others have attempted it as well and by now she may have her “refusal” down pat and it may be so gentle as you don’t actually hear it.
You don’t know how young she really is do you? I know when I tell folks I’m 53 and have a 29 year old son they are SHOCKED. My husband is 40 and I tell them I’m 13 years older than he is and they can’t believe it. ARE YOU SURE of her age?
You say ‘we’ve spoken outside of class and she seems interested.” Well it depends on what you were talking about and what she seems interested in. I seem interested in men when I talk to them, I may even touch their arm or make eye contact and smile but it does not mean I’m interested in dating them. If a co-worker says “ooh I want to go see Thor 2” and I say “so do I” that’s NOT a hint that I want them to ask me out… so what makes you so sure she’s interested?
You say “she knew when I stopped by my excuse was a front to talk to her” OH REALLY and HOW do YOU know she knows this? DID she say something to you to let you know she was on to your mad crush? IF NOT , what makes you think she knows how you feel????
YOU are attracted to her but you can’t speak for her… she’s given you NO signs that she’s interested other than how you interpret her behavior. Maybe she had you wait to talk to her because she didn’t know what you wanted but she knew what the others wanted and didn’t want to hold them up if you were going to take up too much of her time. Maybe she sent a signal to a co-worker to come rescue her from you? YOU DON’T KNOW but because YOU LIKE her and want to date her you assume she feels the same way. You may be very surprised to find out this is not the case. Be prepared for that.
Jotting down your phone number on the final is childish and not going to amount to anything other than probably a chuckle from her.
“I don’t want to send an email for numerous reasons” Other than someone (such as a current partner) not seeing it I can’t think of other reasons not to email her… but then that’s me.
Are you sure she’s not partnered?
Are you sure she’s not gay?
Are you sure she’s even dating?
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (25 November 2013):
 Even if she wouldn't be breaking any school rules by dating one of her current students, it isn't really appropriate. You might say it's a conflict of interest, and if other students were to become aware of it she could be accused of playing favorites in grading, etc. I don't think you want to go there, and she, as a classy professional who cares about her career, probably won't want to go there either.Writing your number on the final as "extra credit" would be kind of cute but that's not really any more personal than e-mail - possibly even less so, because you'd have to be so brief about it. Also, I don't know how large your school is or how many students are enrolled in her course, but if it's a large class there is a very real possibility she wouldn't be the one grading your final. I went to a large public university and I am positive some of the grading that went on in the classes I attended there was done by TAs and not professors. Especially when the finals involved ScanTron or "bubble" forms, which absolutely anyone can grade provided they have the key. It would be unfortunate for you if someone else graded your final, she never saw the note, and you spent days or weeks afterward waiting for a phone call that never came. Again, this may not be the case at your school - just want to make sure you've considered the possibility.You say she's there for another semester so I'd honestly just wait till your class is over and drop by her office sometime afterward to ask her in person. If you know what course(s) she teaches you can probably look them up on the school website to find out what days they are scheduled for and proceed from there. This way you not only have the chance to make your case to her directly, but you'll also have a definitive answer one way or the other.Hope this helps. Good luck and best wishes :)
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