A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Here is my issue, and maybe I'm being too sensitive and insecure. I am pregnant by my boyfriend of 2 years who has lived a few hours away. He moved in with me a week ago and ever since then its seemed so different. He got a job here in my state but its only part time so on weekends he drives to his state to work part time up there. When he got back home last night, all he did was talk about how he misses his co workers at his state. I mean, I understand but if were supposed to be starting life together doesn't he understand that it makes me sad to hear him say how much he misses his co workers and friends? He didn't say family...That I would totally understand. But co workers? I want to be supportive and I know he has given up a lot for me and the baby but at the same time its hard to hear him crying the blues without feeling like he's regretting his decisions about moving here. Am I being insensitive to him?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 November 2013):
 yeah you are being insensitive to his feelings.
YOU are still in YOUR HOME and he has to make YOUR HOME his now.
My husband and I were LDR when we met.. .December 2010 we started dating casually... by April 2011 we knew it was going to be serious and by May 2011 we spent every WEEKEND together..sometimes 3 or 4 nights a week... but it was fine.. he had his place I had mine.. by December 2011 we moved in together full time in the house I owned. almost a year ahead of schedule.
I consider it OUR HOME... but I have lived in this home for 23 years without him. HE has sunk 50k into fixing it up and making it a lovely beautiful home... and he still hates it and wants to sell it and buy OUR place. AND he misses his home state... He misses friends.. he misses food places, he misses knowing the local short cuts etc.. he feels OUT OF PLACE.... and he's lived here for nearly 2 years... and he still does not feel AT HOME....
Yes he regrets it.. but he loves me and he's willing to tough it out to be with me.... your guy is probably in the same boat and on top of it you have the baby coming and that's a huge change and adjustment...
I'd cut him a break and let him go home to see his friends as often as he can for a bit... at least till the baby comes...
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (25 November 2013):
 You are probably a bit hormonal so not the best time to start picking holes.
He will need to adjust, just be supportive...he's with you and that's what counts, you don't need reassurance...cos he's there and working two jobs...be happy xx
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A
male
reader, deerhunter +, writes (25 November 2013):
Maybe you should ask him if its just a hard adjustment, and that hearing him say that stuff makes it sound like he regrets the decision to come. You could say you hope not, but just feeling a little sensitive and need some reassurance. Should be no big deal right?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2013): In some ways yes. It's a huge change for him and I think he needs your support and understanding to help him adjust. I mean imagine if you'd moved to be with him? Surely you'd need help adjusting and you'd want him to help you through it right?That being said, I do understand how you feel too. My Mum moved a long way from her family to have us and throughout my childhood she mentioned many times that she missed everyone and that she'd given up a lot to marry my Dad and move to our country. I remember getting upset as a teenager and telling her I felt like she regretted it because she always talks about what she gave up, and she was gutted to hear I felt that way. She then spent ages telling me all of the good things about her life and how she has never regretted the sacrifice. She didn't realise how her words would come across to us and since that day it's never been an issue. All it took was a bit of reassurance which I think is what you are missing here. Why don't you sit him down and tell him that you're worried he regrets his decision and you want to make sure he's ok? I'm sure this will be the same as it was with my Mum and he doesn't even realise how he sounds. However please try not to accuse him and be as sensitive as you can to his situation. It must be very tough for him and I think he needs a lot of love and affection right now. All the best.
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