A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I tried to send this in before, but it was rejected. I will try to shorten it up (it was long because I wanted to give as much detail as possible and try to present HER side of the story), and I will try to make it more clear. I am at my wit's end regarding my girlfriend! I am pretty even-tempered, sensitive, giving, loyal, and I have the patients of 10,000 men. I'm not trying to be self-centered but I've been told that I am good-looking and that I would make a perfect boyfriend. Even my exes say that. My current girlfriend is pretty, VERY intellegent, very sweet and sensitive, but lately she is being down right mean to me no matter how much I bend over backawrds for her. When I tell her her actions hurt my feelings you can tell she feels bad but she wont say shes sorry and she wont change how she acts.1. I met her at the store she worked at and finally asked her if there was a "Mr Stephanie" because my friend told me Steph would think I was stalking her if I didn't introduse myself soon. When I asked for her number she said she didnt give it out so I gave her mine and asked her my name to be funny Its rite on my work shirt but she couldnt come up with it I could tell she felt bad but it hurt my feelings and I told her that She at least apologized for that one2. She moved with her parents 10 years ago after she got herself pregnant and she's still there. she has a collage degree but cant find a job that she wants and I think its because she doesnt ware make up, bites her nails real bad and has real bad skin. On our first date I took her to get her nails done and I bought her acne wash. She did say thank you but acted like I insulted her or something when I was oviously trying to help her out.She kept saying she didnt want me to take her somewhere without tell ing me where first and she insisted on driving herself to our first date andt old me that she would NOT go to my house until she was raedy. I mean she really put me on a short leesh at first and I am about to list things that hurt my feelings.1. she pays for her food, her kids food, and drives her own car everyware we go even thow she cant afford all that. I tell her it's not rite to bring her kid on a date but its hard to believe that someone as old as she is does not get that She keeps on saying I shouldnt pay for things like that and I tell her it hurts my feelings when she pretty much wont let me treate her but she still keeps saying it2. She did go to my house but every time I tried to put my arm around her she got up an dmoved and she got upset when I trie dto kiss on her I pointed out real gentle that that is kind of what a boyfriend does but she pretended I didn't say anything3. I surprize her and send her flowers at work and she acts like shes upset I do that for her I do that because I want to and she keeps telling me not to. I saw her at work once and she aws flirting with this guy so I passed by and squeezed her sholder and said,k "hi baby" to give her and that guy a nice reminder that she HAS A BOYFRIEND AND THAT IT IS ME. I told her it hurt my feelings when she flirted in front of me liket hat and if I found out she did it behind me I would be hurt too4. I asked her a few times if maybe she had a boyfriend besides me and she said I was nto her boyfriend because she didnt want one and I asked if she was sseeing or sleeping with someone she said no. I asked if she went on any dates with anyone else and she said no. I asked if she wanted to go on dates with someone else and she said no. So I dont get why she keeps on saying i am not her boyfriend when the people she works with said yes i am! I told her that hurts my feelings when she says stuff like that to me5. I did talk to a friend who goes to her college and had him check out her laptop (I paid him) to make it run faster. He found sex stuff on there, not pictures but stories and he told me what they were. I tryed some of the sex stuff on her and tryed to talk about it and for some reason she got affended! If she likes to read about girls doing things to each other and about guys making girls take it front behind why would she get mad when It ried it on her? I just wanted to talk about waht turned her on so we would do more Rite now we dont get much sex because she brings her kid all the time and hardly ever stays the nite at my house6 She is always shoving me off of her when It ry to touch her and when i was walking around in my boxers she actually told me to "put some dam clothes on!" It really hurt my feelings because I do so much for her. I am not kidding I even went down on her even thow I hate doing that. Its not just her but they always smell bad even rite after a shower - l ike a real heavy smell and sort of a bitter taste. its just gross but I do it anyway so she will do it to me but she will not do it. She did that once but wood not take it in all the way and got mad when I pushed her head down real gentle so she would put all of it in at once. She tried to say I hurt her and that she wood not talk to me but changed her mind after I got upset and yelled at herI told her I felt real bad I yelled at her and I bot her flowers but it took forever for her to get over it. I just wish she wood listen to me sometimes and see that I am going out of my way for her and she is doing nothing for me but hurting my feelingsI just want to know 1 how do I convince her to let me pay, 2 how to make her act grateful when I come to her work and give her presents and flowers 3. how to get her to give me a chance to please her with sex4 to stop putting her kid between us
View related questions:
acne, at work, flirt, flowers, has a boyfriend, my ex, she has a boyfriend, stalking Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 December 2013):
 OH she is NOT your girlfriend. YOU want her to be but she's made it clear she is not interested in you that way.
the more you try to make her want to be your gf the less she will want to.
It's not your place to buy her acne wash or get her nails done... not even my husband buys my facial items. YOU are OVERSTEPPING YOUR BOUNDS.
Based on your writing, I'm sensing there is some sort of learning disability or other disorder that colors how you see things.... please correct me if I'm wrong.
BTW you can't give us HER side of the story only she can but I'll bet it goes something like this:
there's this guy that comes to my job and he likes me a lot and wants to be my boyfriend and I don't want to hurt his feelings but I'm not interested in him that way. He sends me flowers and it makes me nuts. My co-workers tease him and tell him I'm his girlfriend and he'd rather believe them then me. I don't let him pay for our dates because I don't want him to think I'm his girlfriend and I don't want to owe him anything. I bring my child with me so he doesn't' get the wrong idea."
see how her POV sounds?
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (16 December 2013):
 You write:
"I just want to know ...
1 how do I convince her to let me pay,
2 how to make her act grateful when I come to her work and give her presents and flowers
3. how to get her to give me a chance to please her with sex
4 to stop putting her kid between us?"
1. You don't. She knows that you believe that that will give you influence over her, so she's nipping you off about this. Paying for things doesn't make a girl love you... it makes her question your motives.
2. Why should she be grateful? Whilest YOU consider these to be exhibition of your love for her... SHE probably considers them to be inappropriate intrusions in to her work-life.... they embarrass her... and your motive is clear (from the other portions of your submittal). You're wasting your time doing this...
3. You change what you're doing relative to numbers 1, 2 and 4 in this reply..... Women don't like to be "bought", and your actions clearly send this message to her...
4. She handles her kids in this manner because: A. She needs to tend to them, and (possibly) b. She needs them to shield herself from you...
Now... as to one other detail.... You write: "...On our first date I took her to get her nails done and I bought her acne wash." ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR F-ING MIND????? How would you feel if she showed up on that date with a bottleful of ED pills, and a penis pump?????? WHAT were you thinking??????
I believe that you have some sort of Jesus/saviour complex, and you can't - for the life of you - understand why this girl doesn't see what a fantastic improvement/ change to her life you are "offering" her.... Get a grip!!!!!!
Bottom line: You are wasting your time with THIS girl... and will have similar experiences until you figure out who YOU are... and why you need to learn how to be a "normal" man that a woman would want to meet and spend time with.
Good luck...
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (16 December 2013):
This chick is obviously not interested in being with you other than VERY casually. Even then she doesn't sound too interested, just like she's waiting until someone better comes along.
There's nothing you can do to change this, she's just not into you. Don't take it personal, you guys just aren't made for each other.
...............................
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (16 December 2013):
Honestly, it sounds like in your mind, you're her boyfriend; in her mind, you are not. It seems like you're being too nice, your feelings are getting hurt all the time, you're smothering her, you've been intrusive with the computer thing, and she's trying to push you away so you'll dump her.
I really don't think you can do anything to "change" her. She pays because she doesn't want to feel like she owes you anything, you can't make her act grateful for presents and flowers at work (it's honestly too much and you should probably stop doing that), you should stop having sex with her, and if she can barely afford to drive herself and pay her own way, she probably can't afford a babysitter, so of course she's gonna bring her kid with her.
You should find someone that appreciates what you have to offer because she doesn't.
...............................
|
