A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a kind of confusing situation. When my boyfriend and I first started dating I know he was still talking to his ex girlfriend all of the time and at that time I thought he maybe still had feelings for her, despite him saying he didn't.I've always been suspicious of this ex, but didn't mention it to my boyfriend because I didn't want to start any trouble so early in our relationship. Well, him and I have been together for 6 months now and throughout our relationship there have been a few times where I have noticed he's been talking to her.I am really curious and would like to know how often my boyfriend talks to his ex and what their friendship is like, but I don't know how to bring it up and I don't want to come off wrong to him.Should I even bring it up? Does anyone have a bf/gf who still talks to their ex? How do you deal with it?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2013): Hi
Dont it make it into something that just isnt there. If you discover that he is hiding the fact that he keeps in touch then you have a problem but otherwise keep it sweet, dont get hung up on ex's. They are just that, the EX! If kids are involved then they definately have to talk to each other, the kids need to have that stability and a united front. Dont worry and enjoy your time together. take care.x
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (19 December 2013):
 I'm one of those "you only need to talk to an ex if you have children together" camp members.
that being said, I have a fairly friendly relationship with my last ex-husband and his wife. We are friends on facebook and run into each other at events now and then. I will occasionally talk to him about things pertaining to our dog that he has custody of.
I also am friendly and civil with the first husband and his wife but we have (now grown) children together.
NOTHING I say or do with them is suspect or hidden and if my current spouse wished to join us he'd be welcome.
If he talks to her occasionally, if he responds to her vs initiating and there is nothing going on, then I'd not even worry about it.
but clearly it bothers you so I can see bringing it up...
"honey, I've got to talk to you about something that may seem stupid but it's IMPORTANT TO ME. I need you to hear what I am saying and not be defensive. I don't mind you having contact with Sally the ex, I'm glad you are adult enough to handle that, but I need to have some reassurances as to how often you guys have contact, how that contact happens and why. I don't think YOU are doing anything wrong and I'm not accusing you of anything, this is more about my own insecurity. Can you please indulge me on this?"
then listen to what he says... do NOT yell at him or get upset... you must reward him Positively for being honest with you.
and you may only bring it up ONCE unless something changes.
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A
female
reader, Lieutenant  +, writes (19 December 2013):
It is clearly not a secret that he still talks to her. I honestly don't think you have anything to be worried about. If he was making it a secret that he still speaks to her, then you should be worried. If he has done or said anything that would suggest his relationship with his ex is inappropriate, involving inappropriate exchange of messages and even activities, then be worried; otherwise, why should it bother you?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 December 2013):
 I don't think it's a problem if:
he isn't hiding it.
he isn't still carrying a torch for her.
Personally, I think exes belong in your past and I don't see a huge need to talk to them, however, I do occasionally (maybe 1-3 times a year) "talk" (e-mail) to an ex of mine. And it is strictly platonic.
The thing is YOU want to talk about it, but walk around on eggshells because you are afraid he will be mad or upset at you for questioning him. My advice, talk to him. It clearly will nag you til you do.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (19 December 2013):
 I still talk to a handful of my exes and they are purely platonic friendships. However, that's not always the case in every situation.
How long was he with her? How long had they been split up prior to you two getting together?
I think those questions matter, as it might show his intent with her. If they were only together a short while and broke up a while ago, I would think nothing of it. If they were together for years and only been split up for a couple months, I would be a bit weary.
Unless he's giving you a clear indication something is wrong, I would just assume all is well :)
Good luck.
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