A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My ex boyfriend and I are very close. We dated for almost two years in college and have both been with other people afterwards. We recently started seeing each other again, I was under the impression that it would be a casual relationship and have told him that I'm ok with him seeing other girls. He says that he loves me and doesn't want to see anyone else but I don't feel the same. I think of him as my closest friend who I can tell anything and who will be there to support me. We connect on a very emotional level, however, I don't feel the physical attraction to him. We don't have sex often but when we do, I don't enjoy it. I have gone on a few dates with other men and while we don't connect emotionally or have that much in common, I feel very much physically attracted to them. I don't know how to tell my ex boyfriend that I don't love him because he tells me that I am the only good thing in this world for him and I really don't want to hurt him because I care about him a lot. I really do want to love him but I can't help the way I feel and I know it may sound selfish but I don't want to lose him, as he is the only one that's really there for me. I recently met his family and loved them all so I feel extra guilty now. We have plans to spend New Year's together and I don't want to ruin his whole year by telling him how I feel. Has anyone ever been in this situation? What should I do?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 December 2013):
 Sadly I think that you must go 100% NO CONTACT with him.
You are with him now because he wants you and you don't wish to be lonely. But you are not being fair to him.
He is holding out hope that you are either LYING to him about how you feel or that your feelings will change.
IF you truly care about HIM you want him to be happy.. he will never be happy if he can't have you and having you around will mean he will NOT heal and go looking for others more suitable to his wants and needs.
There is never a good time to end a relationship... and no for now you can't end it on a good note and be friends... you have to bite the bullet and do it.
Normally I would say to just do it now and get it over with... but in this case I would say you can continue to say how you don't feel with him but save the break up till after Christmas and maybe new years... only so he won't think of you forever and ever on the holidays ( I had a break up over the holidays once and I still think about the guy even though he was never that important or serious but the holidays tend to MELD things to your brain...
PROMISE me that for both of your sakes however, you will do it RIGHT after New Years..... you must tell him that you are going NO CONTACT not because you don't care for him but BECAUSE YOU DO... you need him to heal...
Leaving him by going NO CONTACT sounds cruel but it's the kindest thing you could do for him and yourself.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (17 December 2013):
 I would not be in this situation because it's more humane to let him go and cut contact. He's sleeping with you hoping that you would fall back in love with him. You won't ever feel physically attracted to him and what you are doing is just prolonging his pain. While you are giving him pity sex he's waiting for you to be in a relationship again. It doesn't matter on what date you tell him. Don't use an occasion as an excuse to avoid breaking up. He might get over it in a few months and not celebrating New Year doesn't mean he has to suffer the whole year. If you don't do it now there will be Valentine's Day, birthdays next. You are not protecting him from anything and it will hurt more when he knows how you really felt for several months and you are just keeping him on a string.
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