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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: This guy I like has a girlfriend and two kids and so I thought I'd never have a chance with him. We text a lot, and he started asking me sexual questions. I'm a virgin, never done anything. Well he asked me to send him pictures, naked pictures to be exact, he said what ever I felt comfortable sending. Well so I've sent a few pictures. Then a few weeks ago he asked me if I'm going to let him take my virginity. I didn't know how to respond to his question. What I'm trying to ask is, if I sleep with him, am I just setting myself up to get hurt in the end?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone. I've stopped talking to him about personal stuff. Now I just talk about work. He told me how his girlfriend is pregnant so he's gonna be having another kid. I'm kinda glad I didn't sleep with him
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 December 2013):
 Sorry, but having sex with him would be the DUMBEST thing you can do. (well, one of the dumbest things). He should be OFF LIMITS - HE HAS a gf and two small children. You need to CUT the contact, because honey, all he wants is to pop your cherry and then that is IT. HE DOESN'T want to date you or care for you or LOVE you.
And it DOESN'T matter what his relationship is like, she could be a banshee for all you care, but HE is CHOOSING to be with her and FATHER children with her.
HAVE a little common sense.
What's almost as bad, THIS is a co-worker. So after he has sex with you and uses your BODY you still have to work with him. How do you see that go? Not terribly well, right? It will be awkward. And if you want him to drop his GF for you, WHAT do you think could happen with those "snatch shots" you sent him? You don't think those could go all around the workplace?
NUDE pictures are for porn sites and for people who are IN A RELATIONSHIP. You tell ANYONE you aren't dating to go jump off a cliff, if they ask for those kind of pictures.
If you don't HAVE to talk on the phone with him about work, then BLOCK his number and I agree with SVC be REALLY polite, evasive and distant. Refuse to talk ANYTHING personal with him, ONLY work.
Would you be OK with YOUR BF, having sex with a chick he works with? I seriously doubt it, so why would it be OK for you to have sex with him?
Is it your fault? 50% of it is your fault, you KNEW he had a GF and children and you still played his little pervert game, because it made you feel wanted. But I BET you it will also make you feel stupid and used, if you start anything with a "taken" guy.
Find a guy that ISN'T a co-worker, one that IS single.
And if a guy starts to be inappropriate, it is OK to tell him that's enough.
Have some self respect too.
You are old enough to know better, but young enough to be a little on the naive side. LEARN from this episode and don't do it again. It's just not a smart thing to do.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 December 2013):
 "IF I sleep with him am I just setting myself up for hurt?"
OH HELL YES!
he's a nightmare hot mess for you dear. I would strongly suggest NO sexual talk with him, no dirty pictures to him or accepted from him. NO SEX with him....
do not feel to blame. He's clearly a predator that takes advantage of young naive women. He's scummy and trashy and deserves no respect.
Best advice... JUST be regal and cool and live well.
sadly you work with him so keep it very very VERY professional. have nothing to do with him that is not work related. Be polite. In fact, be OVERLY polite and distant.
he's a dog and he has to know it. he'll get the message.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone. I don't know why I even considered it. He's told me how he's had friends with benefits while being with his girlfriend. I don't know what they're relationship is like because he doesn't talk about her really unless I bring her up. I feel like I'm to blame for it coming this far because when he started asking the questions I didn't tell him to stop. I can't avoid him because we happen to work together.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2013): He will simply take your virginity and run. If you try to reason with him afterwards it's likely that he will try to blame you for 'giving in' to him and saying "yes" to him. It's possible that he will brag about what he has done to his mates and you will gain a reputation for being 'easy'. It would seem that you really don't have many other experiences - sexual or not - of people treating you as a special person to be valued. You have not connected the idea that sex, especially for the first time, should be with someone who loves you and treats you as valuable in your own right, not just in terms of what you can give to them.There is no possible long term happiness with this person - even if he hangs around for more, he will simply spoil any chances you have of developing a good relationship with someone else. He is manipulating you already and will continue to do so.Your first time will stay with you for the rest of your life in your memories. You may not think it matters all that much now, but I can guarantee that, later on, you will understand that it does matter because it should be about you choosing without any pressure from anyone. I very much doubt that you, of your own accord, would send explicit texts and photos to someone you barely knew. You've done this because he manipulated you into doing it and the best manipulators manage to do this so subtly that you don't know you're being manipulated.I don't know if he has sons or daughters but, if he has a daughter, imagine how he would feel if some man tries to do the same to her when she is growing up. Would he be happy with it? I doubt it.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (20 December 2013):
 Read this question
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-feel-so-used----he.html
and you will see what it entails to have sex too soon and with the wrong person. You will fare even worse because your guy is already in a relationship and if he's disgusting enough to cheat on his girlfriend who he has two kids with, do you really think he'll be there for you?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 December 2013):
 He has a G/F.... and kids... and he's flagrantly asking you to be a strumpet for him.... and you're CONSIDERING TO DO SO???????
Yes.... you are setting yourself up for a BIG hurt. Why bother??????
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (20 December 2013):
 At the bottom of your question you'll see links to other posts that are related to your question. Read all the heartache there
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (20 December 2013):
 The quick answer is a huge YES.
This guy isnt interested in you as a person, he doenst want a relationship with you - he just sees you as a sexual being, he sees your virginity as a prize and he wants to take it.
DO NOT SLEEP WITH HIM. He wont leave his GF for you, he has a family and he is bound to them - dont be his bit of fun on the side, you are worth more than that.
I cannot stress enough that if you carry on this flirtation you will be incredibly hurt, he doesnt want anything more than sex from you. The fact he is asking for pics and sexual texts shows that he is only interested in one thing - save your virginity for someone special who actually loves you.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (20 December 2013):
 Why are you setting yourself up for heartache. He has a GF and if he is unfaithful to her do you think he will be faithful to you. Sending naked pics of yourself is not a good idea, when they leave your phone, there is not limit to where it can end up.
For your own peace of mind and happiness, don't give him your virginity and stop all contact with him. Remember you deserve better and your first time should be with someone that makes you feel special and will be there.
I can assure you there is a 99% chance that once you sleep with him, he will bolt out of your life as he got what he wanted.
Find someone single and that is there for the long haul not an unfaithful man that seems to be only interested in you sexually.
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