A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:HI TherePlease help me im going insane. my partner of a 1yr and I are living together, sex has never been often im lucky if I get it twice a week and it lasts about 5 minutes. In the begining I told him I was not happy about this as I have a healthy sex drive, he promised he would change this it was because his been on his own fr a long time. he started to get a bit better but now its near on non exsistant. I feel like he is seeing somene else. I have no proof but my instincts are never wrong. today he woke me up and masterbated over me yet gave me nothing, went to work and has been offish all day ie no texts as he normally does, and when he did finally text it was blunt with one kiss. yet when he gets home his all lovey dovey but still wont make love to me. I feel more like a roomy than a girlfriend. I dont want to go on like this but when ever i approach him about ANYTHING to do with us he goes into one, and accusses me of over reacting and that I should trust him, yet how can I when clearly he dont want nothing intimate with me.what do you think ? am I asking for too much? I honestly love him so much but now i,m starting to resent him and I fear it will only end in tears if this dont change.thanks in advance.
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female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (22 December 2013):
 I think he might be a porn addict. He's basically using you as an object to jerk off. He doesn't know what it is to make love. I think this portends an awful relationship ahead with selfishness, coldness and possibly, porn addiction as a regular part of it. Do you want such a relationship? Is it worth it? I don't think so.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2013): Sorry but I have to agree with previous posters, sounds like this is the end if you have a high sex drive.
There are zillions of posts on this website about men not having sex with there partners, yet it's almost never talked about in the outside world! Men are prtrayed as sex crazed pigs but in fact they need to feel something too to really go through with it. That's why OFTEN a guy will have a drop-dead gorgeous gf that he loves to pieces, but still....there's something missing so he just doesn't.
May I also suggest an addiction to porn? You say that he masturbated on you, which seems to me to say, he likes the idea of having sex wth you, but prefers his own hand. And believe me, there is no way you can change this, even if you turned into his favourite pornstar and begged for it, he would probably not want it cos it's not with his own hand, not something he can pause, fastforward etc. on a screen. The bottom line is some people now have taken all of the disappointment/fear/complication of the real world, and taken to their computer screen, turning themselves totally inside. He probably does love you emotionally very much but there will always be that something that a computer screen and himself will share.
Now really you only have 2 choices, either accepting (because trust me, you can't change it, as it's HIM not YOU), or leaving. Only you can decide this
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A
male
reader, M Proops +, writes (21 December 2013):
What a horrible disgusting partner you have,he doesn't sound like he loves you and treats you like a piece of meat.This behaviour is not normal at all,it's the kind of thing you see in cold porn movies.Give him an ultimatum.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2013): I had a relationship like this a few years back....exactly as you described, all one way sex etc .....basically I ended it after wasting over a year of my life on that selfish pig! you are right to feel resentfull because he is a selfish lover and doesn't consider your needs. He is brushing you off with the 'I will change' ...they don't change. they make excuses, they don't change.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2013): Sorry to be doom and gloom, but this sounds so much like me and my ex... And err... he's my ex. It is weird how similar it is, from not lasting very long in bed, to masturbating next to me while I was asleep, to stopping wanting to have sex, to still being affectionate in person... etc. etc. etc. Part of it was a lack of self confidence on his part, he felt insecure that he couldn't last that long... the other part was that mentally, he had checked out of our relationship. We were together five years and after living together for two years, he didn't see me as his lover anymore. He saw me as his mother/friend figure. I loved him and I stuck around longer than I should have. We would talk about what was happening and he'd make excuses... And we'd plough on but it never changed. I hurt MYSELF by doing that. It ruined my self esteem, it HURTS to be rejected by someone that says he loves you. My advice is get out now while you still have your sanity.My ex and I were not right for each other and now I'm with someone else that is so clear.Think hard and carefully about what you want. I doubt he can give it to you. All the best x
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (20 December 2013):
 I can assure you it will ONLY get worse...
if you are getting anything twice a week you are getting way more than I'm getting
all couples go through periods where it's less than usual but the baseline never really will change... in the beginning we always have more.. and once we move in it's like never happening...
if he won't talk to you about it... I'd ask him to go to counseling so you can talk about it. If he refuses, I'd consider leaving as clearly he's happy with things the way they are and does not wish to change them.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (20 December 2013):
 All I can offer is my awkard opinion that he may be angry with you about something. I know I get that way with my spouse from time to time and loose interest in sex. The things I get angry about are probably dumb but they seem real at the time. Like; Ok, I came on to her the other day and she rejected me that must mean she has gone frigid and I'll never ask again, Or, how long has it been since she gave me a BJ? Months...must be on a hate stretch OK, I'll never ask again..I'll show her. I know spitefull and juvinile but real all the same(just a thought) good luck
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