A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I apologize beforehand for length/tediousnessI am never really attracted to anyone other than the person I'm in a relationship with. I'm happy with this, as it makes being faithful a no-brainer. No exaggeration, I've only been even ATTRACTED in the slightest to five people in the past six or so years.I've been with my current boyfriend for well over a year and I love him so much. We really are wonderful together and I can't imagine myself with anyone else except...Except for this one guy. He was a coworker at a summer job, and we didn't talk too terribly much, but the first time I saw him I was just instantly attracted to him. I became good friends with some other people there, and he's a part of that group of friends, so we've hung out outside of work a few times, and still continue to. Controlling myself isn't a problem, but I'm just perplexed by this crush. Part of my brain is saying "so what, good-looking guy, get over it" but the other (read: crazy) part of my brain is looking at things very closely. He does look quite a bit like my current boyfriend, which could be a part of things. Whenever I started the job, I wasn't seeing my boyfriend as much and maybe his similarity created the crush in my brain as a substitute?I would never even entertain the idea of cheating or leaving my boyfriend for this guy. It's just so incredibly strange for me to even have a crush while committed. This has only ever happened once before, and that was whenever i met my current boyfriend, who I became friends with and dated after my previous relationship took a downward turn.Summary: I know it's just a crush, but that's odd for me. Any advice/thoughts/words of wisdom?Thank you for reading!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2013): As long as you don't act on any impulse to make your attraction known, there is nothing to be concerned about.
Your normal "attraction" to "men" doesn't shutdown just because you're in a relationship. You simply lose interest in pursuing anyone else; because your needs are met by your current partner. Well, there might be a little deficiency at this time; and you may be craving more attention.
The guy you've described reminds you of your boyfriend. He adds just a little more spice to the attraction you have for your boyfriend; by having a totally different personality,voice,and mannerisms. He's fresh fuel for fantasy. You're very young; so hormones play a good part in this as well.
Your mind is playing a little game of trade off. The guy apparently has other traits you like in guys, that your boyfriend may not possess.
I suspect your bf has been a little slack lately. Doesn't change his style, and his personality is growing a little stale on you.
So your awareness of other men is starting to peak. You see a new and improved version of your boyfriend. So you've found a temporary replacement to fill in where he is leaving off.
The guy is friendly and attentive. So you're starting to drift a little. Your mind is starting to wonder like it did when you met your boyfriend.
I think you need to keep your after-work activities that include this guy to a minimum.
Avoid close contact with him for a while.
Stay a professional distance, and avoid any urges to draw his attention to you. Unconscious blushing, or lingering glances will start to send signals of your attraction to him. You will start to lose your control over your behavior in his presence; the more you get used to being around him in a casual off-work environment. This is how affairs usually begin.
Be careful! You will slowly begin to form an attachment; because your attraction may be a sign that there is a lull in your present relationship. Temptation is setting in.
You "say" you will never cheat; but subconsciously you are very tempted. You feed the fantasy every-time you make it your business to be present at the after-work outings. You're mainly there, because he is.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 December 2013):
 Just roll with it... and it will pass
It's NORMAL to have a crush on someone even while happily committed...
don't overthink it.
do not look for reasons... sometimes it just happens.
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