A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months. I've been with many guys before him and I know this sounds dumb but nobody else gave me this feeling of satisfaction and love that I get from being with him. This relationship feels different from every other one that I've been in. This time it just feels right. He is an honest and kind guy who is loyal and good to his friends. He's dated girls before me but I'm his first kiss, first real girlfriend, and the first girl he's ever said "I love you" to. We disagree sometimes but it's always resolved quickly and we're always laughing together. He doesn't flirt with other girls and if a girl flirts with him he turns them down straight away. He isn't over the top romantic (that's just the way he is) but one time he actually told me that he sometimes imagines spending his life with me.But I am scared that after being with me for a long time and after the passion dies off, he will get bored of me and leave. I have brought this up to him and he told me he would never get bored of me. But I'm still worried that will happen. We haven't had sex yet but I'm also worried that when/if we do, he will also eventually get bored of having sex with the same one girl and want to get it elsewhere with other people. Everything has been good between us but I can't shake the fear that he will get bored of only being with me one day. If he truly loves me is it still a possibility that he will get bored and leave? Thank you for your answers
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 December 2013):
 I've been thinking about how to answer this one.
I sense your anxiety and your concern. It's not a good thing. Are you this anxious and worried about all things in the future as well such as work,and/or school? IF not why not?
what is it about this particular situation/relationship that makes you look for the bad?
I have to be honest, you can't live worrying about what's going to happen in the future.. you have to live in the here and now as best as you can. Yes you can make plans but to worry about what MIGHT happen is looking for trouble.
ALL relationships go through ups and downs. Some more than others. Sometimes you are bored... and yet you stay... commitment is like that... you put up with boredom and bad times because you know they won't last forever.
you can't worry about it...
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (18 December 2013):
Everything you brought up is a possibility, so is dying in a car crash on your way to the store. You can't live your life in fear, just drive as well as you can, and be the best girlfriend you can.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2013): Enjoy what you have one day at a time, and you don't have to worry about what will happen next week, or two months from now.
Keep insecurity under control. It's a killer of relationships.
No one can guarantee he will not get bored with you. Can you absolutely guarantee that you will not get bored with him two months from now? Can you absolutely guarantee you will never get angry at him, or be disappointed with him?
Keep a level head and both feet on the ground. Don't look for fairytale love. Don't expect to be happy 100% of the time.
You are already setting high expectations and that is how you sabotage a relationship. Stop drumming up scary thoughts and searching for guarantees.
It is successful and good as long as you grow with it.
Show maturity and stop letting the little girl take over your mind.
If you want to call it love, you have to know what to expect from it. Expect it to be bitter and sweet, happy and sad. Expect to be scared and courageous. Expect to agree, and to disagree. Expect him to be so angry you can't calm him down. Expect him to make you so angry, nothing he says seems to be the right words.
Expect at the end of the day, that you will be there for each other. Don't worry about what bad things might happen. Be prepared to handle it like two adults when it does.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 December 2013):
 It's hard to define true love. Society defines it by honoring vows, hanging onto one person, paying effort even when passion dies, then it's true love. True love can also mean being true to yourself and letting love go when it no longer serves any purpose.
It goes both ways so you have just as much chance of getting bored of him. Sexually men and women are not that different. Men are not the only gender who want variety. Women initiate 70% of divorces. Instead you should worry about, whether you would stick by him even when he has no natural incentive to chase you after he married you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2013): Hey hon,
If you're in a long-term relationship even with someone you consider your soulmate, you WILL get bored from time to time. This is one huge disservice the Disney machine of doom has done our culture; we think that if everything isn't sparkles and rainbows all the time, we picked the wrong person.
You and your boyfriend are both adults in a consenting relationship, and guess what that means?! When things get boring, and oh, they will, it's YOU that gets to reframe the relationship and revive that passion. It is easily revivable, and you know it's worth reviving because you know what it was/is/can be. You can't spend your life with someone without them eventually seeming to morph into a part of you, and geez, who wants to have sex with themselves? My partner's and my answer to this is to accept it as part of the ebb and flow of a relationship, and when it happens, work on 1) interests aside from partner, 2) interests shared with partner, and 3) act like you just met him/her. That means, flirting, dating, dressing up all pretty, and treating the other person as an interesting, separate entity that is just beginning to be discovered.
This isn't foolproof, but it has more than worked for us. I have gotten used to, when I start taking him for granted and feeling like he's kind of blending into the woodwork, subtly shifting my own mindset into the one described above, and it's not long before the passion is back with a vengeance...only it's better, because the other person is someone you adore and trust with your life.
Please don't worry about this -- worry will bring about the thing you are most afraid of, because it makes you close off emotionally, which makes you automatically less attractive. Take it one day at a time. There will be bumps. Deal with them head-on and with optimism.
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