A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hello aunties and unclesI was friends with a man for over 5 years, he's 3 years younger than me.. During the first 6 months we had a fling, and then we became just friends. I fell in love with him and all the way through our friendship I yearned for a us to have a relationship, but he only wanted us to be just friends.We got on incredibly well and, over the years, had many days out, evenings watching films, evenings in the pub, and evenings cooking each other meals. It was all lovely and we were so relaxed with each other, but I loved him so much that it hurt like hell knowing that he didn't want me in "that" way.In February this year I finally told him I could no longer cope with the situation as I was so in love with him. He was kind but firm and told me that he valued me incredibly as a friend but didn't want a relationship with me. So I told him I could no longer see him as I needed to get away to mend my heart, get over him, and give myself a chance to meet someone who did want a relationship with me. In the intervening 10 months I have remained single and haven't met anyone, but do feel that I am slowly getting over him. But I miss him and his fun company so much.Today is his birthday and, after 10 months of no contact, I sent him a text saying ," Dear Bob, wishing you a very happy birthday and I hope you enjoy your day. Sue x".I wasn't really expecting a response, but within 2 minutes he texted back, "Wow, thank you for remembering Sue. I honestly thought I would never hear from you again, but I'm glad I was wrong. B x"What a lovely response.So, my question is, do I reply to his lovely response? I do miss him, but don't want to get back into that painful situation again. He's a good man and it was never his fault he didn't feel the same way about me as I felt about him. I'm just not sure what to do.Thank you all in advance for your wise words.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2013): Thank you all for your really helpful responses.
You are all quite right and I know deep down that (a) I still want him and (b) he still only wants me as a friend. And I agree with you all that I will only open myself up to get hurt again.
AuntyEm, you have described him perfectly! Yes, he's a Sagitarius and yes he is very very charming and can disarm me and my feelings with sweet words.
So, haven't replied to his text and I won't go back there again. And I will simply thank him for any Christmas, New Year, or birthday message he may send me.
Oh, the pain of unrequited love!
Thanks to all you aunties and uncles once again.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (17 December 2013):
 Nope no response required.
when he texts you for your birthday... say thank you the same way and keep going....
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (17 December 2013):
 Don't respond because while he sounds like a nice guy, he's still not interested in you in that way. If he was, he would have asked you something to keep the conversation going, like "how have you been" or "how's everything at home/work" etc. That's how it works; when you want someone to keep talking to you, you ask them something so you know they'll reply and you can take it ahead from there. In his case, he didn't leave it open ended.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (17 December 2013):
 he's a Saggitarian isn't he?...
Leave it, because you will get hurt again. Saggitarians are notorius for being elusive and will always put their freedom first (until they find the love of their life)
If you strike up the friendship again, you will see very quickly that it will still be on a 'platonic' basis. He will be pleasant but you still won't get what you want.
You have fought hard to get your feelings under control and get away from his 'peripheral friendship' so just keep going.
It doesn't matter how much you pour your heart out to a Saggitarian, doesn't matter how much you are truthful and lay your cards on the table, they will skillfully rubuff you in the most charming way and scratch their head and wonder why you don't want to stay friends...but really they do know and they are quite happy to accept it if you choose to walk away...they pretty much leave it to you because they are opportunists.
Don't fall into the trap again unless you absolutely know that you don't want to be in a romantic relationship with him because you will get your fingers burnt again.
He will be charming, he will be nice...but he won't give you what you want.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (17 December 2013):
 Don't respond, because you know in your heart you hoping its more than a friendly response. He has had 10 months to come back to you, he did not. He is not in love with you. There is no happy ending, move on. If you don't, you will be stuck in the past and not even open yourself up to new possibilities.
You wished him happy birthday, that was also a cue, that you still think about him and miss him, he of course did not say anything about missing you and wanting to get to together. Let this go.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (17 December 2013):
 Do not respond.
You sent a birthday greeting and he thanked you for it. Leave it on a good note.
Anything more just muddies the waters.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 December 2013):
 Don't respond. His answer was lovely, yes, but if you start replying your will get your hopes up that he might feel more then he does and YOU will get heart broken all over again.
If you can't HANDLE JUST being his friend the let it go.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (16 December 2013):
 i have absolutely no doubt that this man cares a lot about you and would love to have you in his life as a friend. i'm sure he misses you very much, as well.
the only thing i can really say in response is to ask you how you're feeling about him? are you ready and able to just be friends? if you can picture yourself being able to hang out with him and another girl he's dating on a night out without being jealous, then i would say you're completely ready to resume talking again.
if you don't feel you could do this and seeing him with another woman would still hurt you deeply, then i wouldn't reply to his response and let it go.
only you know how you feel for this man. play it smart by your own feelings. if you still care for him, don't put yourself through that. take a bit longer and get over him. THEN contact him if you wish to be able to be friends. it sounds like you two would make great friends when the time is right.
good luck.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (16 December 2013):
 No, don't respond to his response, there was no invitation there for the friendship to be rekindled, just a gracious thanks for a nice surprise.
He cannot or will not give more than he gave before, let it drop, you are already on the way to getting over him, so continue as you are, rekindling the relationship will put you further back than you were 10 months ago, because one you realise nothing has changed, not his feelings nor yours, you will also have to deal with the big question, 'why on earth did I do that to myself'?
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (16 December 2013):
No, don't respond to his response, there was no invitation there for the friendship to be rekindled, just a gracious thanks for a nice surprise.
He cannot or will not give more than he gave before, let it drop, you are already on the way to getting over him, so continue as you are, rekindling the relationship will put you further back than you were 10 months ago, because one you realise nothing has changed, not his feelings nor yours, you will also have to deal with the big question, why did I do that to myself
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