A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am in a long distance relationship with my gf of past 10 months. I love her a lot, very much.Actually the problem is that she lies to me about her past and sometimes in present too she lies often.Ok so she told me about a boy and told they were best friends but she was unable to specify me the reason why they now so less and whenever they talk on phone my gf only calls her.So I asked the reason and she told me that she just assumed him as his best friend but when she rejected his proposal, so from then they talk less..umm seems ok..till nowBut something happened, I don't know what I was unable to believe her words..so here I made an ID on social networking site with a girl's name..and I became friends with him their..So I started chatting with him regularly behind my gf's back..I asked him about his best friends and all..and more specifically i kept on asking him about his past with my gf..means he still knows that I am a girl just asking about a particular girl..So he kept telling, I gave him some fake reasons why i am so mch interested in a girl i don't even know according to him!So there came his words day by day..he opened up to me completely..He said that my gf proposed her, he refused for some genuine reasons he gave to me..which were totally acceptable..Said they use to talk on phone whole night, she use to love her a lot and take care of her a lot..Then.he opened up that one day i met her, they kissed and all that lil stuff, they cuddled, they use to have sex chat on phone but told me he didnt loved her and said they had future planning..The boy looked completely horrible and of different religion too..but then also my gf liked him..ok thats not in my hands..but she hided this from me..and I here wanna tell you guys that..how i am so much confirmed that what that guy said was true?Ok here is the answer..whatever she has told me about our marriage plans, approxly the same plans the boy told me..that my gf use to plan with him..and nearly same words too!! That shocked me..I asked my gf about it..and told her every matter..and my insecurities too..She started crying over phone, then she dialled the boy's number and said why u said everything fake and all, started to scold him, humilate him over phone..then she said to me all he said was fake and all..and i came in her words..But i don't know what is right, what is wrong..i really don't know..I just can't live without her so I didnt make it an issue and I don't wanna leave her..she's my life indeed..Please help me guys, should i leave this girlAnother thing is she scold me always without any matter, on small matters and talks with loud voice over phone..She use to make me cry every week approxly but she also us to make me feel good sometimes..she has vast mood swings, actually I am not that much happy with her
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best friend, her past, long distance, she lies Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2013): You are very correct about the term "addicted."
Your emotional attachment is due to all the feel-good chemical processes in the brain. You got hooked on the endorphins produced, and you're addicted to the dopamine.
She gives you a generally good feeling; although she is somewhat abusive. She knows how to push the right buttons. I think we all can relate to that.
Chocolate is delicious and can be habit-forming. It can also make you sick and over-weight; but it's very difficult to give it up. That is how she is to you.
Chocolate, addictive drugs, and alcohol all produce dopamine. People who turn you on cause this chemical to be produced in the brain as well. It gives you a warm cozy satisfied feeling all over.
You say you want to hold on to her until your exams are over. You seem pretty much distracted as it is, young man.
You're going to have to give her up cold-turkey, and focus your attentions to your studies. You have to learn to set the right priorities.
Choose one. The distracting heart-breaking girlfriend, or passing exams and maintaining the good graces of your parents? They will pummel you unmercifully! Rightfully so!
They deserve their bragging-rights amongst the family.
Their son is brilliant; not a fool! They should glow with pride at your wedding. Not scowl in shame. The bride should not be this girl.
You should fear failure and the wrath of your parents, over going through a little discomfort from withdrawal from your girlfriend addiction. Withdrawal symptoms are just shy of the excruciating frustration you feel already. In fact, you'll hardly know the difference.
Call her and tell her you are taking a break to concentrate on your studies. Send her a hello and howdy-do text message, once a day.
Do not engage in conversation and arguments. Just happy faces and howdy-dos! Until you get the nerve to heave her out of your heart. Which should be done in-person; or by Skype, if she is too far away. Truthfully, I think she'll be relieved. Sorry to say. Bury yourself in study!!!!!!!
She has absorbed enough attention and sucked enough blood.
She is begging you to let go. You just won't be man enough to read the writing on the wall. She wants to be free to date other guys, and you just won't let her go! She twists and turns,and resorts to breaking your heart. You cling desperately all the more.
Let her go, my young friend. Free yourself and concentrate on your studies. There will be many other beautiful young women in your life. One special lady will show up that will be the gem that you've been looking for, and the lovely heart-breaker will become a distant memory to you. Hangout with other girls to take your mind off her. Just don't try to form any new relationships.
Good luck on your exams! Don't let yourself down, or disappoint your parents. She'll be just fine.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes I accept i created a fake account on social networking site but not to cheat her, but to know her better and to remove my insecurities.Yea we have met in real life, I have gone to her home too. Approxly we have met 9-10 times in total till now. just cuddled, hugged and all that tiny stuff but haven't been physical yet.The point is I feel like..I used to love her but now my love has decreased but I am really so much attached to her. Means like am actually addicted yo her. We have some fix times in day to talk and if I dnt get her text, call at that particular time, I just feel sad, unloved.The moment she calls, I am normal.I know its better for me to finish this unhealthy relationship but I am really scared from its aftereffects which will affect my life a lot. So just to feel secure, good I just talk more softly to her, pamper her..In every argument wheather its my fault or hers, I am the only one who apologise. If I am extremely angry from her and she hangs up the phone, I know its her mistake over which I am that much angry..then also I apologise by calling her and she picks up the call after many calls in such conditions.Actually next 5 months are my break or make months.I have to be at home just, no friends will be here in town. Means if I study good for 5 months and I qualify a particular exam, so I am sure i can easily forget her but if I breakup with her now.I will feel very insecure,bad,depressed and I too will not have friends to help me come out of matter.So please tell me how should I breakoff with her and get off my attachment from her. I am wasting a lot of my precious time on her, to make her feel good and all.thanks
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (18 December 2013):
 You say you love her a lot, very much but then you say “the problem is that she lies” . LYING is a DEAL BREAKER for most folks (as it should be). She LIES OFTEN you said. WHY would you think that being with someone who LIES (and can’t be trusted) is a good idea?
You’ve lied too. (your fake social media account is a LIE). This is a TOXIC relationship and needs to end.
You say “I just can’t live without her” but you live without her EVERY DAY if you are LDR… how often do you see her? have you even met her?
The key is “actually I am not that much happy with her” . It’s a NO BRAINER to me sir. END this charade of a relationship and find someone local that you can trust and grow to love.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2013): End the long-distance relationship and you'll end the drama.
You're trying to conduct a relationship by phone. You can't see what is going on, and you have to rely on her word. She lies again and again. You never know what's true and what isn't.
You go back and forth with her.
If you don't belief her; why do you go back for more drama? She knows you can't determine when she's lying and all you can do is get upset about it.
Put an end to the foolishness and find a woman you can be near to. Then you will be available to each other; and she doesn't have to go to other men and lie about it.
You can't trust a person over the phone, when you're miles and miles away. They can do whatever they want and lie about it. You see the proof of my words every day!
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