A
female
age
30-35,
*iamonddoll
writes:ok so here goes..I met this guy in march just after i broke up with my ex and we hit it off straight away! its like we just had this little spark as soon as we met each other. I knew he was a player from the beginning and had commitment issues but because i was just out of a long term relationship i thought i needed someone to keep my mind of things. we agreed at the beginning we where keeping it casual. we hooked up a number of times and we both felt so comfortable around each other. I found he was quite nasty at times and overly teased me but my instincts told me he liked me its hard to explain. as time past i realised i really liked him and new i had to distance myself and started to ignore his late night calls. so after not talking for a few weeks i was out one night at a club, i got a tap on the shoulder, turned round. it was him! i could see his eyes lit up when he saw me and was all over me buying me and my friends drinks being his charming self. after the club my friends and his went home to mine for an after party. but me and him ended up arguing and i cant remember what about i just got told he was really nasty to me. i phnd him in the morning to see what happened as i couldnt remember much. he ignored my call and then text bk straight away "what is it?" i text back it dosent matter. 2 hours later i get a text from him saying i was acting like an absolute asshole trying to turn things around and what is wrong with me? i replied telling him i was sick of the little games and if he was just using me for the one thing then he wont hear from me ever again. he text bk "you new it was nothing more". so thats it ended ,ive blocked his number. but what i want to know is why is my gut telling me that this guy likes me and is trying to hide his emotions? am i in denial? its a really strange feeling. usually would accept and move on if a guy dosent like me but this time it feels different. i feel like hes went out his way to be nasty to me as if hes trying to hide his true feelings.
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broke up, move on, my ex, player, spark, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (29 September 2014):
If denial was a country you'd be living in the capital.
You think he likes you because he's a player... That's their specialty.
The truth is that he's just an asshole. He's not hiding anything.
A
female
reader, diamonddoll +, writes (29 September 2014):
diamonddoll is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks all for your honest opinion on my situation. I just found it hard to believe anyone can be so cold hearted the way he is! its a lesson definitely learned that not everyones heart is kind :-) thanks again
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 September 2014):
 you are very much in denial.
It would be so nice if he liked you the way you like him.
he doesn't. buying drinks for you and your friends is just a different version of prostitution...
all he wanted was a warm wet penis holder...any one would do.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (29 September 2014):
 The crux of your submittal is this: "....why is my gut telling me that this guy likes me and is trying to hide his emotions? am i in denial?"
Your gut is mistaken (quite unusual in most of the women who have posted questions on this site....)... and, yes, your are "in denial" of the obvious.
Forget this creep and get on with your life...
Good luck..
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (29 September 2014):
 Ie with ms Honeypie you're being used and being teased about it at the same time your "payer" is a real jerk
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 September 2014):
 It's called wishful thinking. You want something so badly that you are willing to dismiss any evidence, to ignore any red flags, and to rewrite history ; then you have to justify somehow your stubborn refusal to accept facts so you will come up with " gut feelings ".
Anyway : if , in fact, he does really like you as more than late night booty call- and to hide his true feelings he goes out of his way ( ! ) to be extra nasty ... then he's not just a player, he is also an IDIOT , what do you want with somebody like that ?! And " nasty " is never acceptable to a woman with some self respect, no matter what the obscure hidden motivations could be !
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 September 2014):
 Yes, you are in denial.
When a GUY says:" I'm NOT wanting to commit, I don't WANT anything SERIOUS, I don't want titles or a GF". Then he is being honest and serious.
When you first started out sleeping with him and whatnot, you KNEW it was casual and you were OK with it, because AT THE TIME it suited you.(as well as him).
Once YOU started to develope feelings, YOU started playing games. WHY could you not just have been honest with him? I'm starting to develope feeling and I need to know where I stand. Instead you "play" hard to get and "ignore". MEN (and women) are not mind readers, so if yo expected playing games would make him want to commit you are fooling yourself.
We see it ALL the time here on DC - women who thinks casual sex, FWB is no big deal until they start falling for the guy and then.... they get HURT because they no longer want the causal relationship THEY agreed to.
He liked you for what he USED you for. A CASUAL SEXUAL partner. Someone to boost his ego and stroke his attention.
Next time, don't be so eager to jump into a relationship whether it's a casual or non-causal one. AT least til you're OVER the one you just left.
And learn from this. YOU are not cut out for casual relationships/FWB/F-buddy situations. Because you DO over time develope feelings.
You gut is telling you that he LIKED you more, because THAT would be less painful. I think it's a defense mechanism.
Sorry, it's not what you wanted to hear, but that is my take on the story you present.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2014): You aren't taking his rejection well, so your mind insists that he likes you.
He likes sex with you. He'd for-go you for a better opportunity anytime. He has been nasty to you. You have to resist and avoid men who are abusive or aggressive toward you. Whether or not someone who's nasty or cruel to you likes you, is unimportant. You must convince yourself you do not need his validation in order to move on. So run for the hills!
You may have had too much to drink, but your real frustration comes from deep inside. You know he isn't good for you, and your common-sense and your hormones are at battle. If he makes you feel good, you're willing to put up with his abuse.
Did you know that is the "players-effect" on women? They want his favor and approval so bad; that they take his abuse, and mistreatment. Illogically, women try to please him in reward for treating them like sh*t.
Don't get yourself caught up in that cycle. It's a trap. He makes sure you're nothing but somebody he uses; nice to you one minute, and terrible to you the next. It's a pattern he establishes in order to manipulate. Pleasure and pain. He must break you down emotionally. Let you become a little needy. Then, he'll hook up with other women and destroy you psychologically. He's a narcissist. You had better read-up on a narcissism before you become a victim.
He makes you think he likes you. He gets his pleasure from your misery. You're frustrated because you're trying to make him someone he's not.
You also need to get to work on rebuilding your self-esteem. You shouldn't lower yourself to going out with players. Guys like that put you in the high-risk category for STD's; and they will cause you psychological trauma.
Play with fire...and you might get torched to cinders, girlfriend. It seems intriguing, until you come out the other side of the wringer.
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