A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Recently I have started seeing a guy who is five years younger then me, he is 19, and I have just turned 24. I have known him a while, as my friend is in a relationship with his older brother, and things started up in the last few months. He is a mature guy, and he has his own place. He shares with friend's but he pays his own way. I really like him, and things are great between us. He treats me well, he goes out of his way to help me out, he truly is a gentleman.My problem is, I feel like my friend's are laughing about us behind my back. My friend who dates his brother always asks if I'm babysitting this weekend, instead of just saying are you going to see your boyfriend or whatever. Other's make comments about if he still has a bedtime, and things like that. It didn't bother me at first but it's really hurtful, especially when he is around and he has to put up with it too.Plus his brother and I were quite good friends but now he barely talks to me, and despite offers, neither my friend or his brother ever want to hang out as friends or as couples.It's not that big of a age difference is it? I'm not planning on marrying him right now or anything but I would like my friend's and his brother to accept us. His friend's are fine with it, apart from calling me Mrs Robinson, (that's my surname), but that was in the first few weeks. They never make comments now. Am I overreacting, because this is really bothering me. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (30 September 2014):
 You should get a cool t shirt with the picure of a cougar on it and strut proudly in front of his friends and tell them to eat their heart out. Ain't no big thing sis. Who cares what his friends think because they're probably just jealous.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (30 September 2014):
 oh I forgot one thing.
My husband before this one was ONLY 11 years younger..
we now joke that I am going to troll the high schools for my next husband. I started the joke... if you are sensitive to it folks will pick up on that and tease you. Tease yourself right back and they will stop.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 September 2014):
 Best way to deal with it? Have a sense of humor about it.
If they ask if you are going to "baby-sit" tell then, no this cougar is going on the prowl...
Sooner or later it won't be so funny for them.
If you two are a good fit who cares what they think. 19 and 24 is not such a crazy age gap. Whether it's the girl who is older or younger.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2014): I think you knew comments and raised eyebrows were inevitable.
That includes teasing, and offensive remarks. You have to be able to take it if you insist on having it. It shouldn't matter what people think anyway. Just don't expect kids not to act like kids. They will make fun of you, and they would find some reason to make fun; even if you were both the same age. It comes with the territory with age disparities in relationships. Kids love getting into each-others business, and adults like making you feel guilty.
In your case, the age difference is not significant. People will be judgmental if the relationship was racially-mixed, you were taller, or if either of you was heavier in weight. It would be something or other, if it's not typical and ordinary. To a certain degree, it's healthy that the endurance and credibility of relationships are challenged by our family, friends, and society. It's a test of durability and legitimacy. All relationships have challenges unique to their composition. You know that.
Well-intentioned public scrutiny is only intended to ward off exploiters and sexual predators. People always go too far, when they should mind their own business. However; not all older people dating young people in their teens are good for them, or have good intentions. Teens are limited in their experience and judgment. Expect people to be more protective of them. However; you are two consenting adults and whether others snicker shouldn't bother you. End it if you can't take it.
Teens don't handle breakups and the complications of adult relationships as well as people who are chronologically more mature. The older person in the relationship has a broader range of experience, and the benefit of prior trial relationships. Age-difference does have some unfavorable drawbacks, no matter how politically correct and open-mined we'd like to be. So society is inclined to be protective or intrusive to some degree. That doesn't make it right; but there's no getting around it.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 September 2014):
if you are happy and he is happy then what your "friends" say is wasted breath on their part. IGNORE THEM.
When I was 24 my husband would have been ELEVEN!
granted we did not meet until he was in his late 30s but after about 25 or so age stops mattering quite so much.
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A
female
reader, moon river +, writes (30 September 2014):
 Have you tried explaining to your friend explaining to your friend that you are hurt by these comments? Maybe you can just say you are.
Or Or if you feel less strongly about it at some point maybe you can just make a joke back about them being old or something.
Maybe you have a problem with with his age that's why your so bothered by these comments?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2014): Everyone makes a big deal about age gaps when the youngest person isn't over the age of 20, the second they hit 20 everyone is fine, but until then, they're silly about it. There's nothing wrong with your relationship with him and you shouldn't let it bother you what other people say.
Ask your friend and his brother what the deal is, explain that they're being childish about things in a more polite manner than I wrote, and make a point of showing them that they're wrong to judge the two of you, it's none of their business.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2014): I started dating my (ex) husband when I was 22 and he was 17. We married and had kids. He was teased a bit at first, as one of his friends called me grandma. After a while, when we were a strong loving unit, people said nothing. After a while I never cared what others thought. If you are both really keen on each other, you just ignore the comments and do not accept them. Don't laugh at them, don't be angry...just ignore, and eventually they should go away. I don't know why people joke, I guess they think it is funny, but I don't see the funny side, it's just mean. When you have become a committed serious couple, people generally forget about teasing you and have more respect. Just my experience.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2014): In my teens and early twenties, a few of my GF's were older than me and actually 2 of them were more than 10 yrs older, but non of my friends ever commented about them.In our early years we go out with all sorts of people. That is part of the growing up process.
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