A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need your opinion. My wife and I have been married for almost 5 years. I have always wanted to try anal and never have with any woman. I have always had this fantasy and had played with her asshole before which she loved, but the last time we tried it we were way too drunk and I ended up not using lube and hurting her! Stupid mistake, I know.The other night, we went out with some friends and both got pretty tipsy. We came home and started making love. She asked me if I wanted to take her in the ass. I of course jumped on the opportunity and let her set the pace this time. She really enjoyed it! She told me she wanted to please me and to never hold back with her. That she will let me know what her boundaries are.Another fantasy I have thought about is having a threesome? Preferably, two girls and one male. However, I understand that if I open the door for a threesome she may want two males and one female also.The idea sounds really exciting, however, I don't know if the actual act with affect our married life. We also have two kids to think about. I don't want to try it and have it become some kind of an addiction for either her or me. I know I would never want to share her on a regular basis. I love her and I can be jealous at times...but perhaps maybe just once for a birthday or once every couple of months. I have no idea how she feels about the issue.My question is two part. 1. Has anyone ever tried a threesome but still have a healthy marriage where nothing else changed? (still love each other, no cheating)2. How can I safely bring up the subject without exposing myself to judgement on her part if she hates the idea or can't fathom how I could even entertain the idea?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (23 September 2014):
 I know, and know of, couples for whom a threesome seemed great or at least changed very little in their relationship, but I know, and know of, far more for whom it was a huge disaster. And frankly, more often than not it's the wife who suffers most because even when the union deteriorates and ends the husband or boyfriend might be sad, but he doesn't regret the threesome. Let's be realistic here. If you do go ahead and you both have a fantastic time, you're going to want to do it more often. It won't be limited to 'special occasions' and the more often you do it, the more likely it will become an issue.The fact that you're anxious about even bringing up the topic suggests to me, as it should to you, that you know your wife well enough to believe there is a very good chance she won't appreciate it. OP, when a man suggests relaxing the rules, even for one night, it raises a huge red flag for a woman, and it should. So, yes, it can work out and for some it has, but it has been a disaster for most who venture into these waters. Odds are it will be no better for you. I agree with SVC in that I wouldn't even bring it up.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 September 2014):
 I have never done a 3-some. I DO however "get" the fantasy. BUT I would never add another person to the bed, because it can only go downhill from there. NOT because a 3-some would be so awesome that other things seems boring, but because that 3rd person will (even if they don't intend to) drive a mental wedge between the couple.
Let's say you do a MMF and the dude is either hung like a horse or have MAD SKILLZ in bed, and your WIFE get off like it was 4th of July. Do you really think you could handle that the next day? or next time you have sex?
Or you invite some chick with bigger boobs or tighter vagina and you comment on either or enjoy them, or let's say she can do some hawt pornstar tricks.... DO you think your wife will be OK with that? You don't think she will compare herself to that girl for the rest of time? Feeling like you ASKED for the 3-some because YOU don't think she is good enough. Then sooner or later, she will think that maybe you are seeing this chick on the side, she will lose trust in you and faith in the marriage and herself...
I have seen this happen more then once with people I know.
A good male friend of mine was trying to have a FFM.. and you know what? He couldn't keep it up... so it was basically his GF having a girl/girl thing while he looked and she left him.... for another girl a few months later..
So think LON and HARD before even ASKING her about it. Because these fantasies (as so many other ones) are much better in your imagination then reality.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2014): Don't do this, you will ruin your marriage. My x turned into a swinger, supposedly that was what he wanted all along, but he lied to me in the extreme about it in order to be with me. He calls it polyamory but it is just the same crock of ****. He is still contacting me, so I guess all that polyamory and random sex isn't enough. I hope it was worth what he did to me and to our relationship, we were a family and he ruined that for good. This is all about you and your stupid narcissism based on your libido desire.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2014): OP here. Thank you for all your responses. You are completely right. I should leave my fantasies as exactly that...fantasies. In the back of my mind I think I always knew I would not find the act as "sexy" as I fantasied about it. It helps to have people put your mind back in the right perspective.
She has given so much to me already; I would be an idiot to risk losing that for a stupid fantasy. Thank you all.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2014): Go down that path if you want to lose her !
Believe me , even if she agrees ? Even if she seems to want to do it for you ? One day you are going to be picking up your kids for weekend visitation while some other dude they are calling daddy is holding her tight telling her he would never want another woman and meaning it
Sorry but it's true . If you still desire sex with other women . Leave ! Let her have a man who is satisfied with what she alone can offer, which is a beautiful faithful relationship
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (23 September 2014):
 You write: ".....I don't know if the actual act with affect our married life...."
My "reply": Yes, it will .... and not in a manner that will advance your marriage.... Think twice before you do this!!!!
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (23 September 2014):
 Personally, I wouldn't go there, but that is just my opinion.
What I would say, is that your question does sound rather "me me me me".
You are thinking about asking these things to please yourself. Even the anal she wanted to "please you".
What does she get out of any of these ideas or situations.
Now, with a threesome, bottom line, you want to have sex with two women at once. This is not about her, it is about your fantasy.
Would you be happy to have another man in your bed?
Would you be happy to watch another man make love to your wife?
Would you be happy to be intimate with another man? (if your wife found it sexy?)
If the answer is no to any of these, why would you expect your wife to be happy to do those things with another woman?
Personally, I would be mortified if my husband wanted to sleep with another woman. I would see it as cheating in front of me.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (22 September 2014):
 Do not open that door! It'll lead to bad things. You can't do it. you can fantisize about it but do get involved. It will ruin the marraige and you will be sorry.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 September 2014):
 swinging ruined my last marriage.
I know more couples that don't survive opening their marital bed than do.
I, from personal experience advise against even bringing it up.
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