A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years. He's wonderful man. We are both 25 and he's going to proposed me and give me that hint ( asking me about the engage ring that I like and accidentally told me that he's going to marry me next year). He's very concern with financial condition and work so hard to gain money for our living. He brings me to his life and everybody knows in his life knows me. But I've made a huge mistake that I regret deeply. I reject him and told him that I can't be with him because I feel unsure about our future living ( that's because I'm affected by the facts that I seen my other friends life is going to be better than mine). I know I'm shallow and stupid to think like this. I regret it with all my heart. I'm just too naïve and I'm still learning to be better person. Last month we break up and there's no contact for several days until he text me and asking about me. Telling how desperately he that days.I casually texting him until I seem needy to him. I nag a lot about how he ignored me because he doesn't want to meet me. There's one time he text me and when I late replying him. He told me he's going to get a tattoo. I thought he's just threatening to do that, because he's not the kind of man who will do that. He used to be sweet and treated me like a princess even though I've sometimes been so damn shallow and don't give him enough attention as girlfriend. I can't forget myself for that.Last two weeks is really a hard days in my life. He got a tattoo and I'm really shocked and can't believe its true. I hate and feel traumatized whenever I saw people with tattoo. I feel like going to pass out thinking about this. I'm so depressed. I know tattoo is a normal things to other poeple but I can't deal with it. I wish he erase it but he told me he's not going to regrets what he's done and never want to erase it. At the moment when he's calm down he told me to accept him who he's now or leave him. My parents also hates people with tattoo and I'm scared its going to be our problem later (that's my biggest concern). He's now act cold to me and doesn't invites me to his family occasion like he used to be. Whenever his family asked about me, he told me that I'm busy, but not letting them know about our breakup. Lately we contact and meet up but his behavior is cold and emotional when I talk about his tattoo. He's also smoking which I hate. He loss his weight and seem unhealthy..I love him and I wish we can be like we used to be. I regret all what I'm done. I know he's deeply dissapointed by my rejection and tired of my attitude toward him. I just want to be with him and would do anything for him. My friend told me that he's just wanting some revenge throwing tantrum and want my attention. He's trying to control me. His behavior toward me is cruel like doesn't seem interested in me anymore but he's still care if I'm safe or not. He's going to panic if I'm home alone. When I told him my parents thought our relationship ended and he's going to find others he said how about we try to work it again and told me that he loves me. Please tell me how to : 1. Make him want and treat me again like he used to be 2. Convince him to erase his tattoo(its crucial for me). Pretty please help me in this.3. Be passionate and texting calling and excited to see me like before.Thanks before :D
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (2 October 2014):
 OP, Google tattoo removal, there will always be an obvious mark where his tattoo was, can you accept this without getting faint? Why would you even ask him to wear a meaningless scar? I don't think you really care about the guy, you have some other major issues you need to address I'm afraid.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 September 2014):
 Him removing the tattoo will not magically erase the problems you two have. And YOU TWO DO have problems.
Have you even ASKED him what the tattoo means? Or if he is willing to have it removed?
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (29 September 2014):
You ask for advice, then you reject the advice. Go figure. And YES! You're being weirdly unreasonable. You feel like fainting when you think about it? Spare me the drama. I am afraid you have some very serious emotional issues that need to be addressed before you're ready for ANY relationship.
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A
female
reader, Lyssy  +, writes (29 September 2014):
For some reason you have convinced yourself the tattoo is the problem. It isn't. It's whatever that represents to you that is the problem. And that's something only you can deal with. If he erases the tattoo everything will be the same, he will just have some unsightly red scarring on his body, which you will probably have to make him lie to explain should your parents ever see it. There is no reason to tell your parents, just ask him to cover it if he comes with you to visit them. The fact your parents act like irrational bigots (no offence) isn't HIS problem. He doesn't owe them anything. He isn't even in a relationship with them, for God's sake. Maybe you need counselling to deal with your phobia of tattoos. That's probably less expensive and painful for you than it is for him to have it removed. Did you have this phobia of tattoos before? Did he know? Did he know it would "offend" your parents? Have you discussed this with him calmly? Given you had broken up at the time he got it done, maybe he thought you wouldn't get back together, had wanted one for a while and assumed he was now free to do so. The fact he is not the controlling one, you are. He is not the one with the problem, it is you and your parents. At least based on what you've written.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2014): We are getting back together and we have a date hours ago. He seems to be caring like before and everthing seems normal back. One thing that still distract my mind is about his tattoo. I don't know why I can't accept this but I can't help feeling down and can't believe there's tattoo on his shoulder. I know everyone will think that I'm overthinking or overreacting but its truly what I feel right now. Even my friends also feel that's no problem with his tattoo. But I don't know why I feel there's something wrong and I wish he could erase that. That would definitely make our relationhip better and I won't matter the past if he can erase it. I swear whenever I saw people with tattoo now I feel that I'm hardly breath normally like I'm nervous or something. Beside, I feel I'm betrayed and lying to my family about this which is no good. I'm not kind of daughter who likes to lie to my parents. That's just me. I just wish he erases his tattoo and everything will gonna be better I'm sure.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 September 2014):
 I'm so sorry to tell you this but none of the things you want are things you can MAKE him do.
I have three tattoos... all covered by business clothing. Thankfully I don't have to wear business clothing to work so a few of them peek out... but my husband does not have any and does not want any... to each his own. Body art is personal to the person getting it. If you don't want a partner with body art you will have to leave him. Removing a tattoo is a. expensive. b. painful c. not very effective and d. time consuming. I would not suggest it.
IF you can't accept the tattoo on your partner, then you have to leave your partner.
2. you can't make someone want you. You can't control how a person feels or how they behave. if you want a man who treats you differently, get a different man.
3. with time comes familiarity. with familiarity comes a lessening of excitement and passion. it's human nature and that won't change either.
Learn to love the person you are with as they are in the here and now. You cannot change a person and being in love with someone's potential is never a good plan.
IF you don't love someone where they are and how they are, then changing them will not work.
I think the best thing for you is to leave this bf and find one that is
not tattooed
that is passionate and excited all the time (and pray he stays that way although I'm sure that will change over time with ANY partner)
as for wanting you and treating you well, that's a given for any partner.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (29 September 2014):
1. You can't MAKE him do anything, hence you need a new boyfriend.
2. His body - his business, hence you need a new boyfriend.
3. see number 1
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 September 2014):
1. Make him want and treat me again like he used to be
You can MAKe anyone be who they are NOT. He isn't the guy he used to be and maybe HE doesn't think YOU are the girl he used to love.
2. Convince him to erase his tattoo(its crucial for me). Pretty please help me in this.
His body - his choice. I don't know if it a cultural thing for you to find tattoos so horrible - but most people see them as body-art. And as something VERY personal.
3. Be passionate and texting calling and excited to see me like before.
Again you CAN'T make him be something or someone he ISN'T.
It really sounds to me like you need to LET HIM GO - stop wasting YOUR time and HIS.
You want him to be someone else, someone you can be proud of, well he isn't THAT FANTASY guy. He is who he is. The more you TRY and FORCE him the change the more he will resist and the less of "old him" will show. You are making all these demands on him which are just pushing him away.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (29 September 2014):
Nope, you don't get to tell him what to do with his own body. Sounds like you need a different boyfriend
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