A
male
age
26-29,
*le
writes:Hi, so I recently brought some sex toys for myself because my boyfriend and I were too busy to have sex. It was one of the artificial butt toys and I like it a lot. I made the mistake of telling him and now he's very upset about. There are some things you should know about my boyfriend. When we first got together, he never bottomed and for two months I was the butt of the relationship. Now he has started to bottom but he isn't able to bottom as much because it will hurt him. After I told him I got the toys, he responded my saying that he would rather I tip him than have sex with a toy and said that he would do it whenever I wanted. I responded by saying that I got the toy so that he didn't feel obligated to have sex with me. After more talking he started to cry and said he wanted to burn the toy and throw it in front of a train and that he felt horrible that I would rather play with it than him. So I agreed to let him keep it so he could stop crying. You see, I live at home with my parents and I go home on weekends to play with the toys (we are both in college). So this leaves me with nothing to have fun with, when I go home. I know that he should feel bad because j have the toy, but I don't understand why. He told me he would rather I jerk off than play with it. The reasoning behind buying it was so that I could have a little fun without him or when he didn't want to bottom, I would have a toy. But now I feel like he is taking pleasure from me. I don't want to feel this way and I don't want him to feel the way he feels. What do I do?
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male
reader, Cle +, writes (24 September 2014):
Cle is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone. I will talk to him again.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 September 2014):
 I agree, get another toy. He can not DICTATE what you do when you are alone. It's NOT cheating, and YES HE might rather you jerk off, but if THAT is not how YOU like to get off, how is it his choice?
If you RATHER use a toy then BE with him I get the "not liking" them, but you are NOT using them INSTEAD of having sex WITH him, you are using them instead of your hand when alone.
Now if HE prefers using his hands, then fine, he can do that.. you like something a little different when alone, which is FINE too.
Let's say you prefered to watch gay-porn and he prefers straight porn ... then should YOU only watch straight porn so you don't HURT his feelings?
I don't watch porn, my husband does. I don't tell him what to watch for HIS OWN pleasure. NEITHER does he tell me what I can or cannot do for MINE. What WE do together is up for debate and agreement between US. Not my solo time, and not HIS solo time.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 September 2014):
 You want a toy you get a toy.
you don't have to tell your BF about it. His insecurity is not your problem.
Having a toy is not cheating. I love that my hubby always makes sure my vibe has fresh batteries.... a supportive partner who is secure with themselves will understand.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (23 September 2014):
 Get another toy. Your solo sexuality is yours alone. He is insecure because of it. Talk to him and tell him that you want it, that it doesn't replace him, and that like jerking off, or porn, or whatever, it's your way of release on your own.
We're not talking about cheating. Don't let anyone control how you get off on your own as long as it's not involving someone else.
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