A
male
age
36-40,
*tewartdunn
writes:When I was in my early 20's I began a bad habit that got me hooked on drugs (pills) and alcohol. I was able to hide it from almost everyone I knew. I met an amazing girl “T”, who had no idea what she was getting into and I thought I could just give up everything and things would be great but it didn't work out that way. We dated for almost a year when things got really bad I started meth. At this point she figured out what was going on and was amazing enough to offer me help but I refused and she left. For the next five years I just keep trying different drugs trying to get that ultimate high. I lost everything, friends, family, jobs. When I finally hit the lowest of lows I got the help I needed. It took a long time for me to get clean. I've been clean / sober for 23 months, four months ago I met up with “T”, we talked and texted back and forth. A few months ago we ended up sleeping together. She told some friends and family members that we were talking and they told her she was a fool to even consider giving me a second chance. She is now pregnant and I want to show them. That I'm not the guy I was and that I will be the best father / bf I can be for her. But how? How do I show these people I have changed ?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2014): Honestly? I would be very upset if my daughter was dating an ex drug addict or alcoholic. Piersonally don't believe in rehabilitation of addicts. People with addictive personalities are always slipping Into something. If its not this its that, and so on. Though there are people who recovered totally and never use again, majority of ex users are returning to their old path. Once they tried it they know that only from drugs they can get that high, and they go back. Of course, I am happy for you that you are sober now, but I can tell you this: you will always be under watchfull eye of her relatives. They will never trust you 100%. For them you always will be a bomb ready to explode. They will come to terms with a baby and all, still thinking what a choice their daughter , niece, friend made. Over the years if you are still sober they will relax and accept, but for right now you just bite your lip and keep on living your life, trying not to get back to the old ways. good luck.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (30 September 2014):
 Congrats on 23 months of clean and sober. May that extend beyond 23 years... Hard to do and for one this stranger is very proud of you.
The best thing you can do is just continue to walk the walk... with time they will see you have cleaned up your act.
If you are going to meetings, perhaps you can invite them to join you at an open meeting so they can see you are truly working your program.
With time and their experiences with you being a stand up BF and dad (congrats on the baby too!) IT WILL CHANGE.
TIME is what you need.
also do not expect them to accept it so rapidly give them time to see you are walking the walk and not just talking the talk.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (30 September 2014):
Hi there. It all comes down to trust.
You have to prove to everyone - genuinely - that you CAN be trusted.
And you can only be considered trustworthy, if you are always clean - and NOT just when you are seeing your girlfriend.
You need to be not using ANYTHING at all.
The real issue here is, can you trust yourself to not even WANT to touch drugs or alcohol again?
And you have to be totally honest with YOURSELF first, before you can ever convince anyone else on the whole planet that you are completely clean.
And not just clean for one day, one month or one year.
Totally clean, with not even the slightest desire to want to take anything again in your lifetime.
This might also require some lifestyle changes for you.
Those changes would include not mixing with anyone who you saw regularly when you did drink alcohol and take drugs.
To be in contact with any one of those people, is simply putting yourself in temptation's way, and could allow them to influence you in a weak moment, in your life.
And not going to places where drugs and alcohol were a common part of that environment.
No matter how strong you think you are now, it only takes one weak moment when things are not going so well in your life, for you to be tempted into taking something.
And it only takes one time, and you would be back where you were 7 years ago.
Instantly.
So you need to do some serious thinking about where to from here, with your life.
It really is up to you.
No-one can influence you to stay clean - it comes from within you.
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