A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Why people assume that this much older guy is my husband??I belong to one club. One member who is 24 years older than me which makes him only 3 years younger than my father drives me there sometimes as we live very close to each other. His daughter is 5 years younger than me. I could as well be his daughter age wise. But not one person but quite a few who is new to the club asked us if we are husband and wife. I am my early forties and people are telling me that I look much younger. I would understand if this guy looked good, but he is not in the greates shape, even when he walks you can see from behind that he is of a certain age. He has age spots on his face and his hands, he dresses in a way people his age dress. There is nothing youthful in his appearance. But then from time to time people ask him: is it your wife? Of course, he likes hearing it, he even told my husband that people think I am his wife. When I am with my father people never ask us if we are a couple. They can see right away that we are father and daughter. And the funniest thing happened yesterday. My husband and his wife both are not in town. We both wanted to see this one movie. So we go to a theater together, and because he paid for my lunch the other day, I offered to pay for movies. A sign said, Senior citizens over 65 tickets are discounted 25%. So, the girl looked at me couple of times, hesitated a second and then sold me 2 tickets for senior citizens prices. I was not going to argue:) but she couldn't possibly think I was over 65.
View related questions:
acne, older man Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 September 2014):
 Mental shortcut. They see you out and about together, riding the same car, and probably exhibiting a body language that says " we are very comfortable with each other " ( and note that I am not suggesting you are being too flirty or inappropriate or anything, only that your body language suggests more closeness than you'd have with an acquaintance, or a neighbour ) , which translates in : husband/wife .
True , you could be getting a lift from your dad, older brother, uncle, he could be anybody. But in general, adult man with adult woman, = husband and wife , the simpler faster interpretation without any deeper scrutiny or thought.
Then again, some people ( including myself, I must admit ) are really bad at guessing ages. Once I was with a friend who's 18 months younger than I , and I got asked if she was my DAUGHTER. Granted ,I just had had a baby, I wasn't maybe in my best shape, maybe I looked a bit tired.... nonetheless, tell me how a woman of 30 can ever be taken for the mother of a woman of 29 !
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 September 2014):
 I am 54. My husband is 41. Our friends are a couple that is reversed.. he's 54 she just turned 42.
Once I went out with the couple and someone asked us if the husband and I commented on how nice it was that we taking our DAUGHTER out for a meal. I just laughed as did the husband.. his wife (my "daughter") just fixed him a stare and said "if you ever want to get laid again you will shut up!" we all laughed and kept going.
I was asked a few weeks ago when my husband was having a PTSD meltdown in public if he was my son....
Folks say stupid stuff without thinking... they make assumptions on their past experience.
My dad was always mistaken for my son's father when he went out with me alone and especially coming to see us in the hospital.
My stepmom is 80... she wears a size 6 or so... and looks about 60 something... she's actually 6 months older than my dad but folks are going to assume a young thing snagged him... although he looks way younger than 80 too.
It is funny... just laugh it off and keep going.
but i do like the idea of saying to someone "no we're not married... can you explain to me why you thought we were, we get that often and I wonder if i'm giving off some vibe that I'm not aware of"
...............................
A
male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (29 September 2014):
 Hello
I once went to a care home to visit a grandfather with my mother and her slightly older sister. There was a band who were performing for the old timers and granddad, with his dementia, caused a scene that was most embarrassing. After wards one of the band members spoke to the three of us and said to me "your wife did a good job of calming your father down!" at which point I pointed out she was my mother not my wife and my "father" was my 91 year old granddad. Im not sure if he thought I looked my moms age or she looked my age but even more embarrassment was to follow. He turned to my moms slightly older sister and said, while pointing at my mom, "is this your daughter?" Oppps!
I once went backpacking with two friends who were a couple: I was 26 they were 22 and 23. They also had a daughter who was around 6. We arrived at the first campsite and the reception desk was empty and a storm was brewing. We decided to get the tents up and sort the payment out afterwards to beat the bad weather. As my friends put their larger tent up, and I had my simpler one complete within minutes, I assisted the young child with her small tent. By this time it was raining hard and I was vaguely aware that my friends were talking to someone but was quite engrossed in getting the tents finished before everything got soaked. Suddenly my male friend put his arm around me, grinning, and said something like "Come on Son, past your bed time. Shall I read you a nursery rhyme?" When I rather bewilderedly asked what he was talking about, he replied that the camp site owner had spoken to him and his partner and said; "Nice to see you have got your oldest child helping your youngest." I felt such a fool! I was the oldest out of the Three adults, my friends being twenty three and twenty tour and my friends child was no older than six or seven. How young must the site owner have thought I was if she assumed I was my friends son? How humiliating!
Mark
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2014): I would say it's more polite to assume you're a couple. Better than assuming he's your dad and it turns out you're couple... Awkward.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2014): People would rather say is that your husband than ask if it's your dad...and he turned out to be your husband.
They're just making the safest assumption to avoid potential really offending a couple.
Why does it bother you? It's no ones business and you are both happily married to other people - so just to about your day and enjoy it.
...............................
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (28 September 2014):
 People make assumptions based on their experiences in life. Most people see a young women hanging out with young men. When that "picture "is tilted to the side they assume the age difference must be familial and jump to a rational conclusion.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2014): People say crazy things ALL the time. I work with people on a regular basis and I NEVER ask anyone personal questions: weight, age, relation to another person. Never. We all have different perception of things. In my eyes to assume that with 24 years difference there is a possibility of 2 people being a couple is insane. But some people just don't think AT ALL. You sit together, you walked in together, done deal. I had situations like this plenty.once I had a client who was in his 60s. At that time I was in my late 30s. He had a daughter with him that day who was also on her 30s but may be early. Someone absolutely serious asked him if I am his wife and she is his daughter. It's even worth than your situation. I just laughed, and a person became embarrassed when we revealed the truth. Then we had a guy working for us for a short period of time. He was a young lad in his mid 30s, big, very tall with a beard. One customer asked me if he was my son, and I am in my mid 40s. And like you I was told that I look very youthful. My husband is only 6 years older than me, and not often but he does gets questioned if I am his daughter. So, as you can see people say and assume crazy things, but in noway it means that you look older.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 September 2014):
 Why do people assume this?
Because it's easier to make an assumption then ask? Even if it's none of their business.
IT IS more common that the husband is older than the wife, then the other way around. The fact that he drives you there, some might take it as a that is what a husband would do.
I honestly wouldn't care. If they ASK just give them a straight answer.
I had to show ID to buy a bottle of wine ( crazy American rules) and I'm 45... I had a good giggle over that.
Oh and when my husband and I were dating the waiter at a restaurant ask of if we were brother and sister... while we we holding hands.... So.. DUMB questions DO exists. (btw we told him yes lol)
Have a laugh at it. It's nothing personal.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (28 September 2014):
 I'm guessing your body language is saying something that people are interpreting as "married couple." If it bothers you so much have someone video you while you're in each orher's company and examine it for clues.
It could also be people assuming "trophy wife." If lots of people are assuming this then it is likely something you are unconsciously conveying. Be more mindful of posture, tone, physical proximity and see if that doesn't change the perception. You could gently ask the person who makes the offensive assumption "I'm curious, what makes you think we are married?" Then you'll have your answer from the horse's mouth.
Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2014): Actually WiseOwl, besides the cashier in movie theatre those who assume he is my husband are his age, so they should know better. I don't really understand how my married status has anything to do with my question. I don't go to pieces because of that, I was just bewildered how people can even suggest that.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2014): It's not true and you're married. Why does it bother you at all? The answer, if asked, is no!
If younger people are the ones who make this mistake, then you have to understand that people over 40, and older, all look alike to them!
Rudeness and presumption is rampant this day and age, and even the media doesn't mind publicizing and broadcasting huge inaccuracies; or jumping to ridiculous conclusions. You simply maintain your dignity and set the record straight. You don't fly to pieces about it. Just don't ask a person in their twenties to guess your age.
...............................
|
