A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:If you like/love someone, should you tell them how you feel even if you KNOW 100% that nothing will happen between you? Like is there any point? Only asking because I have feelings for someone and the only reason I want to tell them is because I want them to know how amazing they are, and partly because I want to tell them and just be able to move on with my life. Is this silly? Should I not risk making him uncomfortable and keep this to myself?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (18 February 2015):
 If he's not in a relationship and he's not in a position of authority over you... then WHY would you think NOTHING can happen?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi all, thanks for your responses! No he's not in a relationship (neither am I), nor is he in a position of authority over me.
Anyway because of your help I've decided not to tell him how I feel as it's pointless and would just make him feel awkward. Like you said, if nothing will come from it, there's no point in saying anything. I'm just going to focus on moving on now.
janniepeg thanks for the idea, I will probably just tell him how great I find him and thank him for what he's done for me but not mention any romantic feelings.
Thanks again.
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A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow +, writes (16 February 2015):
 I second Tisha's question: *why* can't you be together? Are one or both of you in relationships?
I suggest writing all of your feelings down in a letter, but not posting it. What you do with the letter is up to you, but I'd advise reading it over, then putting it in the bin/shredder/burn it/etc. then you move on.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 February 2015):
 Is this man married or a teacher or supervisor of yours?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2015): There isn't much of a point I can make that janniepeg and Honeypie haven't hit dead-on. If you know 100% nothing will happen, what's the point?!!
First, you can't be in-love with a person who hasn't reciprocated those strong feelings. You are just infatuated with a person whom you idolize; or admire for their good qualities. Telling him how you feel "romantically" has no value or substance; unless the feeling is mutual. You will not free yourself by telling him, you would only complicate matters where your feelings are concerned; if his reaction is not what you really hope for. Based on your assumption, or the fact, there is 100% no possibility.
If your intent is to be able to move on, do so leaving things just as they are. Your feelings will remain intact.
Admire him from afar, or at least invite him out for coffee or ice-cream to have a "friendly-talk." NO CONSUMPTION OF ALCOHOL!!!Suppress any awkward gushing or blushing. Mentally make a final-test of the waters for any real signs he even notices you exist. He will be given one opportunity; and you'll let him know indirectly that door is open. If he declines the offer, there you have it. Never try again.
Don't take the rejection personally; if you already knew there wasn't a chance anyway. You've got to have courage in the adult-world, girlfriend. Sometimes you have to roll with the punches of rejection. It gives you a thicker-skin, and builds more confidence. It is not by blurting out feelings to someone who doesn't have a clue, or who doesn't give a damn. That makes you look daft! It's better done by bravely making an approach, finding out if there is a chance, and moving-on if there isn't. Not by sticking by soaking up their presence, and drooling with cravings.
If you don't have the courage to simply approach him to just "test" for any signs of attraction; or have already done so, and the needle-indicator hits zero. Keep your romantic-feelings to yourself. Your emotions literally mean more to you than to him.
You're wasting your time telling anyone how you feel; if the reason you think there is no chance, because you don't think you're good enough. Then you've got problems to deal with, and shouldn't be bothering anyone; until you check yourself. You've got to love yourself first, to be loveable to anyone.
When someone is uninterested, purging your unrequited-love for him will come left-field, and thus catch him off-guard. In turn, a shocked-reaction could hurt you emotionally. Thereby forcing you to lose courage and confidence to try; when there is an opportunity more in favor of your success.
If you don't have the nerve to just ask a person on a date first; why expose your "deep-feelings" to them? Just to risk embarrassing yourself? The visual scenario you have fantasized in your mind, is that he will admit he feels the same. If there is no possibility in reality that will happen, don't bother. The last thing you need is his pity!!!
Put distance between you, and he'll slowly wear-off. Then you will have time to sort-out your feelings and get things in better perspective. Love yourself first, my dear!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (15 February 2015):
 You can tell him he's amazing and inspirational. Telling you have feelings for him prompts him to reciprocate and he would feel bad being not able to. You could at first say you are not looking for anything from him, but just to express that the brief encounter with him in your life made it better. I've had received kisses in summer camps, a gay guy (yoga instructor) said I was an amazing person, I've had strangers tell me they love me. Those were special moments that I would cherish. It makes life poetic in contrast to the isolation, the closed rigidness we see every day. Sometimes when you feel like a nobody in the world, it's the little fleeting connections that make a difference. The important part is that you don't rely on those to feel happy. It should be spontaneous, light hearted and you can express this if you don't stress out too much about his response.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 February 2015):
 I wouldn't. Just like I think 90% of the time when people CRUSH on a friend they really shouldn't tell. It's RARELY for the other person's benefit, its so that YOU can move on. And I find this happens often when the other person is "taken" be it married or dating. Again, IF NOTHING ca/will come from it, WHAT is the REAL point?
One day when you are alone at home, no one around say it out loud and move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2015): Why would nothing happen? If they are already in a relationship then you shouldn't tell them, because morally you shouldn't be confessing your attraction to someone when you know they are with someone else, it's just uncomfortable for everyone and you could end up being gossiped about etc...But if you just THINK they won't go out with you, but they're not in a relationship or have any other commitments then why not just ask to go out for coffee, dinner, cinema...? You use the word love, but realistically you like this person and have feelings of wanting more than friendship - it would be massively uncomfortable if you are telling someone you love them but you've never been on a date. Just tell them you think they're interesting, and would they like to go out with you to INSERT PLACE HERE - pick something you know is a similar interest for you both and you can say that you know it's something you both like and it'd be cool to go there.
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